Friday, July 07, 2017

Focus

When we're struck down and think that we've hit rock bottom, we always do this. We marinate and keep ourselves in the pits of hell and welcome the feeling of pain and misery even as we start our day. It feels right to feel sad and miserable, because in truth, we are in pain, and we want the rest of the world to feel it too. We want to be understood. We want to feel included. Sort of.

But that's the thing. The world doesn't run that way. Misery doesn't have company. You are in this on your own. And as much as you think your problem is the biggest or you are the saddest person in the room, there will be others whom have far bigger crisis and whom are less fortunate than you are.

Your problems will become minute, and insignificant if you could just take a moment and shift your attention to others. If there is one good thing in your life that you are thankful for, hold on to that. Keep that thought in mind. You will need it for one of those days. When your subconscious tries to pull you down again to that pit, instead of rolling around in it, try to brush it off. Focus on other things. More, important things. 

There's so much more to life than just relationships and being together with someone. As it was long before you were a WE, you've always just been a I. It's time to get to know yourself again, improve yourself and fall in love with you being you all over again. It is a process. It's not gonna be easy, but you will have to start somewhere. 

Leaving your comfort zone, and starting over is always a dread. We all know that. But, that is how you move forward. That is how you will learn how to stand up on your own two feet again. There will always be someone who will be there for you, even on your darkest days. All you need to do is ask. Ask for help. Ask for a listening ear. Perhaps a hug or a shoulder to cry on. You are never alone, remember that.

So, embrace the change. Shift your focus. You can do this. 

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Take me back

As I look back to the happiest moments in my life, I thought of those moments spent with you. It hurts so much to think of the three years I spent being with my best friend, coming to an end. I wish for so many things to be different in our life, so that you and I can still be together. Sadly, we can't change who we are, nor we can change the system and how things work. The world is like this, and so therefore there is no place for you and I.

It breaks me so much that I sometimes wish I knew better. I wish we knew better. I don't regret a single moment of the three years where I'm happiest, though I can't help but regret the moments that follow from now. I hope one day you and I will be happier, I hope time will heal this giant void I feel in my heart as I sit here helpless seeing how our story ends. I wish that it was because love has fade away, or we just grew to be two different people than we once were. I wish desperately that it wasn't because of this.

I want to go back. I want to go back to when we were young and free of the worries of the world. When starting a family feels like a million years away. Time doesn't seem to agree with me. It always moves, regardless of how much I just wanna stay in the moment. We are, in the end just growing older and older not being able to start a family like everyone else.

I want to believe there is a silver lining to all of this. I want to convince myself that everything will be okay. But my eyes are blurry from tears, and the crack of my heart echoes loudly how much I love you. And then I collapse again, not being able to breathe, just sobbing myself to sleep.

I'm fine with being alone, but the thought of no longer having you in my life is something I could not bear. I've relied on you so much as you have on me over the years that it feels like a huge part of me will be gone as I part with you. I tried being strong because I know it's no easy decision for both of us, and I feel that's the least I could do for you. I know we have tried, and failed, and that is okay.

For the first time in my life, I learned that the best thing I can do for you my love, is to let you go. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it kills me inside, it's time for me to let you go.

As I cannot give you something firm to hold on, I'm only left with the certainty of this.
I will love you for a very long time, sayang...

Monday, May 22, 2017

Trust

It is true when they say..

"Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake."

And some small eraser, is what's left of it.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Picture perfect

As I grow older, I realize how precious memories are. You know those moments in life, where  you wish that time will stop, and you could stay in that moment forever? It's those rare moments that you remember, and when you look back in life to when you're happiest, it is in those moments you fall back into, and find refuge from whatever storm life seems to whip up. 

March had been all of that and more. 

I finally got around to planning and going for my first ever skiing trip! The time I spent in Morzine, France was just too wonderful. I've never liked a town so much to the point that I want to actually stay there. Waking up to a lazy breakfast and followed by a full day of skiing, was so much fun. All the laughter from clumsy falls, funny things said in French, just about everything was very welcomed as a change of scenery off work. 

This part I hate though. Ski lifts!


Proper way to relax. Hahaha.

And this guy, cracks me up every single time. Our ski instructor, Giuseppe.

Then Santorini happened. 

So different to the comfort I had in Morzine, the first day in Santorini was pretty rough for me. Maybe because I went during off-season, so everything was closed and under maintenance for the next opening season. Still, things picked up and ended on a high note when I got to Fira the next day. One of the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen! To sit with my favorite person, and just live in that moment was so overwhelming for me it literally brought me to tears. ^_^ 


Best view everrr

;)


Coming back to work after my trip was hard, but I was glad that my parents finally came for a visit in Dubai. 

That topped my March experience.

Nothing says love than spending day and night, glued to my parents in the city I now call home.

My photography skill is highly questionable. Hehehe

<3 p="">
I wanna go on more adventures, make more memories, laugh more, love more and remember all of it when I'm old and grey. 

And at the end of the day, no matter how perfect a picture is captured, only I will remember how it feels like being in that moment. 

Gosh, take me back to March.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I have issues



"But I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I can leave you just as fast

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

We go way back

Since I'm a very nostalgic person to begin with, I feel like I must write a post on a day like this. The day I met this guy three years ago. Well, you know which guy. The guy I can't seem to shake away for three years. Okay I'm kidding. No, really.

A lot has changed between us since then. So much to the point that the things I used to think matter so much feel very insignificant now. But one thing remains the same. Just the way he makes me feel, and how happy I am whenever I'm with him. It amazes me still, how one person can change your outlook on life forever. That is why I hold him dear.

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us, so I'm just gonna continue being happy with what we are now. I guess at one point we got tired of going around in circles of what people think, what we should do, where are we heading to the point that it makes me so unhappy.

So then he said, let's focus on bettering ourselves.

Which makes so much sense. Who cares about who I end up with, I need to live with myself for the rest of my life.

I need to go where I'm meant to go, achieve what I want to achieve, and be a better person at the end of it all.

Deal? Okay deal.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

It's a good start

Hello lovelies, how is it going? Following up on your resolutions well? I hope you are, because I am struggling myself. I keep making excuses blaming winter here in Dubai for my unexplained laziness, but come to think of it I was doing well mighty fine last year in winter. I guess, we all have to just suck it in and just 'go do it' instead of planning so much and ended up doing nothing. Which I will do, tomorrow, hopefully... (-,-)"

But other than my skipping gym dilemma, everything else seems to be going fine. I can say that it's a great start to the new year, seeing as I finally went on my very first concert! And to see Coldplay play live was just the icing on the cake. I was so happy I get to tell Chris Martin I love him. Uhhuh, I did, with no shame. Hehehe.

video

Can you hear me screaming in the background? 


I love how my hair seems to be behaving in this picture. Right before the concert starts. And then, oh well..

Second best thing happened around middle of the month, when I visited Paris for the third time, this time with my better half? Hahaha. Being a romantic since forever, I've always wanted to come to Paris once, being in love, whatever. So, I'm very glad to finally be able to experience the city of love through a lover's eyes..


I still think Eiffel is the best part of Paris. No matter how many times I've been here before, it always seem to fascinate me, this simple metal structure. I say this every time I see Eiffel still, "Eiffel, I think I'm in love!"

I'm excited to go to more places this year, plan a different kind of vacation, and most of all just to have my parents come visit me here in Dubai. :)

Hence, this is to more than a good start, and also working for the continuous flow of good things this year!