Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Take me back

As I look back to the happiest moments in my life, I thought of those moments spent with you. It hurts so much to think of the three years I spent being with my best friend, coming to an end. I wish for so many things to be different in our life, so that you and I can still be together. Sadly, we can't change who we are, nor we can change the system and how things work. The world is like this, and so therefore there is no place for you and I.

It breaks me so much that I sometimes wish I knew better. I wish we knew better. I don't regret a single moment of the three years where I'm happiest, though I can't help but regret the moments that follow from now. I hope one day you and I will be happier, I hope time will heal this giant void I feel in my heart as I sit here helpless seeing how our story ends. I wish that it was because love has fade away, or we just grew to be two different people than we once were. I wish desperately that it wasn't because of this.

I want to go back. I want to go back to when we were young and free of the worries of the world. When starting a family feels like a million years away. Time doesn't seem to agree with me. It always moves, regardless of how much I just wanna stay in the moment. We are, in the end just growing older and older not being able to start a family like everyone else.

I want to believe there is a silver lining to all of this. I want to convince myself that everything will be okay. But my eyes are blurry from tears, and the crack of my heart echoes loudly how much I love you. And then I collapse again, not being able to breathe, just sobbing myself to sleep.

I'm fine with being alone, but the thought of no longer having you in my life is something I could not bear. I've relied on you so much as you have on me over the years that it feels like a huge part of me will be gone as I part with you. I tried being strong because I know it's no easy decision for both of us, and I feel that's the least I could do for you. I know we have tried, and failed, and that is okay.

For the first time in my life, I learned that the best thing I can do for you my love, is to let you go. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it kills me inside, it's time for me to let you go.

As I cannot give you something firm to hold on, I'm only left with the certainty of this.
I will love you for a very long time, sayang...

Monday, May 22, 2017

Trust

It is true when they say..

"Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake."

And some small eraser, is what's left of it.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Picture perfect

As I grow older, I realize how precious memories are. You know those moments in life, where  you wish that time will stop, and you could stay in that moment forever? It's those rare moments that you remember, and when you look back in life to when you're happiest, it is in those moments you fall back into, and find refuge from whatever storm life seems to whip up. 

March had been all of that and more. 

I finally got around to planning and going for my first ever skiing trip! The time I spent in Morzine, France was just too wonderful. I've never liked a town so much to the point that I want to actually stay there. Waking up to a lazy breakfast and followed by a full day of skiing, was so much fun. All the laughter from clumsy falls, funny things said in French, just about everything was very welcomed as a change of scenery off work. 

This part I hate though. Ski lifts!


Proper way to relax. Hahaha.

And this guy, cracks me up every single time. Our ski instructor, Giuseppe.

Then Santorini happened. 

So different to the comfort I had in Morzine, the first day in Santorini was pretty rough for me. Maybe because I went during off-season, so everything was closed and under maintenance for the next opening season. Still, things picked up and ended on a high note when I got to Fira the next day. One of the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen! To sit with my favorite person, and just live in that moment was so overwhelming for me it literally brought me to tears. ^_^ 


Best view everrr

;)


Coming back to work after my trip was hard, but I was glad that my parents finally came for a visit in Dubai. 

That topped my March experience.

Nothing says love than spending day and night, glued to my parents in the city I now call home.

My photography skill is highly questionable. Hehehe

<3 p="">
I wanna go on more adventures, make more memories, laugh more, love more and remember all of it when I'm old and grey. 

And at the end of the day, no matter how perfect a picture is captured, only I will remember how it feels like being in that moment. 

Gosh, take me back to March.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I have issues



"But I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I can leave you just as fast

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

We go way back

Since I'm a very nostalgic person to begin with, I feel like I must write a post on a day like this. The day I met this guy three years ago. Well, you know which guy. The guy I can't seem to shake away for three years. Okay I'm kidding. No, really.

A lot has changed between us since then. So much to the point that the things I used to think matter so much feel very insignificant now. But one thing remains the same. Just the way he makes me feel, and how happy I am whenever I'm with him. It amazes me still, how one person can change your outlook on life forever. That is why I hold him dear.

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us, so I'm just gonna continue being happy with what we are now. I guess at one point we got tired of going around in circles of what people think, what we should do, where are we heading to the point that it makes me so unhappy.

So then he said, let's focus on bettering ourselves.

Which makes so much sense. Who cares about who I end up with, I need to live with myself for the rest of my life.

I need to go where I'm meant to go, achieve what I want to achieve, and be a better person at the end of it all.

Deal? Okay deal.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

It's a good start

Hello lovelies, how is it going? Following up on your resolutions well? I hope you are, because I am struggling myself. I keep making excuses blaming winter here in Dubai for my unexplained laziness, but come to think of it I was doing well mighty fine last year in winter. I guess, we all have to just suck it in and just 'go do it' instead of planning so much and ended up doing nothing. Which I will do, tomorrow, hopefully... (-,-)"

But other than my skipping gym dilemma, everything else seems to be going fine. I can say that it's a great start to the new year, seeing as I finally went on my very first concert! And to see Coldplay play live was just the icing on the cake. I was so happy I get to tell Chris Martin I love him. Uhhuh, I did, with no shame. Hehehe.

video

Can you hear me screaming in the background? 


I love how my hair seems to be behaving in this picture. Right before the concert starts. And then, oh well..

Second best thing happened around middle of the month, when I visited Paris for the third time, this time with my better half? Hahaha. Being a romantic since forever, I've always wanted to come to Paris once, being in love, whatever. So, I'm very glad to finally be able to experience the city of love through a lover's eyes..


I still think Eiffel is the best part of Paris. No matter how many times I've been here before, it always seem to fascinate me, this simple metal structure. I say this every time I see Eiffel still, "Eiffel, I think I'm in love!"

I'm excited to go to more places this year, plan a different kind of vacation, and most of all just to have my parents come visit me here in Dubai. :)

Hence, this is to more than a good start, and also working for the continuous flow of good things this year! 

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

It's time to look back

Hello my lovelies! It seems that I have yet again managed to desert this blog for months. Oh what can I say, I've been mostly spending my time on off days wasting time on dramas and stuff. Not good, not good. Korean dramas always bring out the worst of my potato couching habit. Anyways, since I've got a bit of time on my hands now, I've decided to just remove the spiderwebs from this blog and blog a little.

I have a tiny bit idea of what to write on, since this is where I always rant. Let me then, begin by ranting. Looking at the calendar today, it's already two more days before Christmas! And soon New Year will roll in, and I, will become a year older. I've been struck by how fast the year went by as I sat down again, trying to write my new year's resolution. I thought to myself, "Really? It's time for another list?". Yup. It is time..

And like I've done so many years before, it's also time to look back at what 2016 was like for me. I find myself thinking that it was quite a lonely year in Dubai after I started flying. My batchmates and I dont hang out anymore, so I've been stuck at home most of the time. Looking at photos and all, I think that it's great that I've gone to so many places this year, crossed off items from my goals as well. I can only say that it feels amazing to be able to do that. I feel like my life is coming together in a way. I had a hard time this year trying to decide my path in life, on whether I should stay here for long or work my way up and get what I can get and leave. Either way, I feel like money is a big factor to stay, so I'm gonna stay here for a bit. :)

Looking back at how I was as a person, I feel like quite a bit has changed. The kind, always smiling me is replaced to a harsher, mean me. And I hate it. As much as I pride myself in being a nice person in general, it embarrasses me to admit that I've become harsh. I had promised myself not to get affected by how much negativity there is here in the crew population, yet I find myself just spiralling down that way. It's not too late to turn it around, I know that. The effort that it will take though, is not something I'll be looking forward to.

I also did not expect to be relying on someone so much this year, when I thought those days were over. As a result, I revert back to being in my little bubble of happiness where in the end I let my mood and actions be affected so much by a person. I wanted to escape that so bad when I came to Dubai. This I know I'll have to work on starting now and going into 2017. It affected me so much on my relationship with people, and I resented myself for being so moody. So, hopefully, no more of that after this.

Resolutions wise, I will say proudly that I managed to fulfil almost all of my goals last year. Which is always good, and this year I'm gonna try to set some goals and work towards it too.

And with that let the curtain drop for 2016 and welcome 2017 with open hands!

Picture from the day I spent playing with the penguins in SkiDubai. :)

Till next time, loves! 
xx