Thursday, December 31, 2009

santa says, goodbye 2009.


waktu christmas tgkap gamba xnk upload. nahh. amek kau. ;)

gelak ketawa menghiasi starbucks yang sunyi sepi.

okay. new year banyak resolusi. samsung corby salah satu daripadanya. ;) yang saya nak carry forward ke next year ialah diri saya dan azam2 yang tinggi menggunung. ouh yeah, saya berazam nak jugak try fly nnt. but i still dont know how. haish.

1,2,3,4!

LOYAL is a simple word, however it carries a very heavy meaning.

–adjective
1.
faithful to one's sovereign, government, or state: a loyal subject.
2.
faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations: to be loyal to a vow.
3.
faithful to any leader, party, or cause, or to any person or thing conceived as deserving fidelity: a loyal friend.
4.
characterized by or showing faithfulness to commitments, vows, allegiance, obligations, etc.: loyal conduct.

simple, because its a word with only five letter. easy to pronounce, easy to remember. to apply it, or to really BE it is hard for certain people. yes, i find that its very true indeed.

first my dad, he cant be loyal. for a fact, i still dont understand why. until now, he just refused to be honest with my siblings and i, well maybe tell to our face that he has a second wife. he cant be loyal to my mom. that's the first loyal that i learn.

then, i learn through relationships. i learn how to be loyal to someone. to give all of my love for him. to make him happy. to love him, no matter what. and i quickly forget the people around me.

then, i learn that loyalty can be broken. TRUST, which is like a sibling to the word loyal, can also be betrayed. i learn that loyalty can be said in words, which are called lies. i learn that the word loyal alone causes pain.

with the pain, i discovered another type of loyal. its the most beautiful of all. the loyalty of friends and family. to have a shoulder to cry on, to depend on them at the point where i am weakest, to know that they'll always be there for me no matter what. the feeling is just, amazing. i love this type of loyal. and will always do.

so, at the end of the day. i cant blame the word loyal for causing so much pain. because it also brings me all the happiness. i can never trade it with another word this year.

MY 2009 IS EVOLVED AROUND THE WORD LOYAL ITSELF.

i am sad to leave 2009, but i am satisfied that i have make full use of it till now. welcome 2010! i'm looking forward to start a new journey with u. ;D

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

daydreaming

if all of u were to be at my best friend's house last two days, u guys will think that i've become nuts. well, i had a lot of fun there. most of it come from indulging myself in food, food, food. what's more fun way to gain some kilo's other than gaining those extra fats with ur dearest friend? *okay. ready, get set, go!* tema dua hari tersebut adalah: marila bergemuk bersama. ;)

the moment i arrived there, i had to go to a kenduri of zana's neighbour= sesi makan sampai gemuk 1. *before that da lahap mkn sewaktu hantar sharina pulang ke johore. hehe. *

the next day, zana took the liberty of becoming the chef, and me co-chef and the dish for the day is: tomyam. bermacam2 ragam kami memasak,*walaupun sy hanya tukang rase aje.* akhirnye, dapatlah juga makan tomyam bersama bihun= sesi makan sampai gemuk 2.

petang tu, craving for food. jadi makanlah biskut jacob's banyak3 ngn milo= sesi makan sampai gemuk 3.

that night, aunty lin cooked masak lemak jantung pisang. which was amazingly delicious. i'm a first timer- bru nk blaja makan jantung pisang ngn jeruk limau. hee. tapi serious sedap. thanks aunty! =sesi makan sampai gemuk 4.

that same night, aunty lin baked bread for us. (hotdog bread, and bread with red bean paste filling) the fact that i loooovvvve bread so much, plus bread tu tersgtla sedap, sy pn bantai sampai empat roti. =sesi makan sampai gemuk 5.

waaaah. i'm sooo full at the end of the night that i quickly fell asleep, soundlessly.*kan2? x berdengkur kan zana?* i came home this morning, btw.

anyway, back to the part where u think i am probably nuts. haha. its nothing actually, i've been talling, or nagging to zana about my future plans and melarat sampai ke cucu cicit. last2 dye malas nk dgr, and i ended up talking to myself. which is, uh oh. uh oh. creepy~

attn: sejuta thanks to zana and her family for taking me in, those two days. dan lebey2 billion thanks to zana kerana sama2 menggemukkan diri bersama saya. love ya lots! muaah. ;))

Monday, December 28, 2009

asam pedas ketam

semalam saya yang jarang2 sampai ke johore telah berjaya menjejakkan kaki ke sana. no, bukan australia idaman kalbu. johore sahaja, okay. jadi hari ini, saya ingin membicarakan lauk asam pedas, kebanggaan melaka. di melaka ney, ada satu kedai asam pedas yang memang favourite kami adik beradik.( toncet, me and sharina) kedai tu ade dekat2 ngan mahkota parade, ape namanye, saya pun x igt. tapi memang best la asam pedas dye.

ni nk dijadikan cerita, ble saya menghantar sharina kembali ke kampusnye di uthm johore, kami telah singgah makan di sebuah kedai asam pedas. 'KEDAI ASAM PEDAS MAK PON', nama dye tersemat dalam pale otak kami semua kerana... asam pedas dye jauh lebih sedap daripada kedai yang selalu kami kunjungi. aaaaaah. yang penting kami kenyang makan di situ. smlm juga, first time saya makan ikan yang rasenye ala2 ketam dan ayam. yupp. sedaaappppp sgt! hee.

and sharina was the first to leave home, ruma da kembali senyap sedikit. i'm leaving on 2nd january, coz i cant stand going back to subang this time. new year in melaka, here i come. =)

Friday, December 25, 2009

nine minus one.

i missed falling in love. no, not the person i was once in love with. i just missed the feeling, like i'm on cloud nine. am i feeling it now? yes? maybe? no?

another answer: i dont dare to feel that way again. sekian, terima kasih. :)

result pmr sy adalah..

today, is like a big day for me. eventhough i'm not the one who's taking my pmr results, i'm still nervous for toncet. hehe.*i've been nervous all the time in subang, u see.* so, smlm dgn segeranye sy bergegas ke rumah dr subang untuk spend time with both my sisters today. but shit always happen right?

i dont mean to be upset on simple things, but sharina doesnt seem to understand sometimes. i am so proud of toncet's result, although she seems sad about it. and i tried so hard to cheer her up today. i expect the same from sharina too. but she just refused to spend time with me and toncet. come on, all i'm asking is for her to spend some time with us. it wasnt supposed to be hard when we're sisters right? okay, whatever. at least me, toncet and nadia still had fun. wish u were there too, though. but sometimes i'm tired of being the middle person who always have to be there, trying to make u and toncet happy. when are u gonna start trying too, sharina?

attn: i'm very proud of u toncet, no matter what. love ya lots. and sharina too.
attn2: cerita2 sy di subang akan di update tmrw. i had so much fun those 3 days, and i miss spending time with my friends there. huuu.
attn3: hehe. i've not found that special someone yet. kat fb n ms saje nk ade imaginary bf. ;)

last sekali, nk ckp:
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Monday, December 21, 2009

up, up and away!

i'm extremely hungry right now part of the reason, maybe because i have to wake up early today. well, not exactly early. 11 am to be precise. some of u guys might be wondering, why on earth anak encik ahmad ni tbe2 smgt nk bgn pg2 kan? thanks to sharina, who picked the wrong day for us to make sushi. the thing is, i'm about to go back to subang at 3 pm today. thts why i have to wake up wayy early just so tht i manage to make and eat the sushi in time. *i know, bley bli aje sushi tu. but i want the home made one. with lots and lots and lots of fillings.*

anyway, i'm gonna be away for a few days. i'm not going back to subang to start my new sem, i just had plans with some of my friends there. right now i'm sitting in front of the computer, still havent take a shower, and i'm hoping i'm smelling nice. and i'm wondering when shamil will finally get up and fetch me and apek. please, i need to bathe soon.

hee. but luckily, sushi dah siap. and i'm going to eat now!

erm, can i wish for another thing for christmas? i wish that i'll lose weight magically, eventhough i ate like a pig. ;)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

firsts

its funny because i went out today, and suddenly i'm reminded of my first unspoken love for someone by the name muhammad hanis. yes, its unspoken love ouh. i had a crush on him for more than 2 years. haha. well, i dont even remember his face now. too bad. i hope things will go that way for aizat too. haha. i could only wish.

i've been thinking a lot about the future actually. specifically, merangka first date nk ke mne with my next bf. haha. i know, i know. azam tahun baru nk bercuti dari bercinta konon. tapi x sala berangan kn?

okayy. first date, wajib makan di restoran ayam penyet ria cawangan sunway pyramid. haha. my fave restaurant awww. sy repeat, wajib. okay?

kne minum snow shake bubble tea, chocolate flavor. kena, mknenye x wajib la taw.

have to go ice skating, on our first date. *melampau ka? bknnye ape, sy x pernah lg ber ice skating slama sy hidup neyy. huu* pathethic. but have to jugak!

yg laen, akan difikirkan nnt. spe2 yg nk buat perkara di atas, marilah. sila isi borang. ;PP

lps tu, kami kawen nnt, sume org akn djemput. no worries. ;))

here i am, talking about my first everything. yeah. i remember all my firsts. ;)

first school: sk sacred heart.
first bestfiend: joan quek jo yee, we're bff when i'm in standard 5.
first love: muhammad hanis.
first kiss: he who must not be named. *voldemort kot. lol.*
first scar: when i was three, at my forehead. i hit the wall hard, coz my brother pushed me.
first date: with nazmee.
first job: cleaner at a guys dormitory. no. SERIOUSLY.

well, cant think of anymore firsts. ngahaaa. but i wanted to write about my first hubby, first child, first i dont know. i'm talking crap.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

awal muharam

saya semestinya tidak pasti akan fakta ini. cuma baru diberitahu ibunda bahawa esok, yakni hari jumaat adalah hari awal muharam. alias juga tahun baru dalam kalendar islam. di kala org laen sedang sibuk kumpulkan azam tahun baru (bagi masihi),saya pula baru nak menulis azam tahun baru saya yang dimulakan dengan tahun islam. okay, sila baca perlahan2.

1. sudah semestinya kurangkan bermain dan tingkatkan prestasi untuk cover balik result saya yang agak teruk untuk sem ini.* juga untuk mengelakkan diri dari terpaksa kahwin setelah tamat sem 2*

2. berusaha agar result SANGAT GEMPAK, supaya boleh bertukar penaja dan mendapat tajaan ke luar negara. this is because, everybody's (close friends and the ppl i envy) leaving to study abroad after i finish my foundation. and i dont wanna be stuck here in subang for another 3 years without my close friends, whom i hangout with.

3. membahagiakan ibu dan bapa, *part of the reason is, one of their child get to study abroad.* kne jugak tukar sponsor. isk3.

4. take a long break from the WORLD OF LOVE. kali ini, saya kena betul2 melihat dan memilih dengan teliti sebelum membiarkan diri saya jatuh ke dalam gaung lagi. yeahhh. kata mama, banyak lagi masa, dan ramai lagi calon2 yang menanti untuk dipilih.

5. menjadi seorang yang lebih berfikir sebelum membuat sesuatu, dan tidak akan end up menyesali segala yang pernah dilakukan. betol, saya perlu belajar menjadi lebih matang.

6. menjadi seorang yang lebih penyabar, pemaaf, memahami, optimistik dan dalam kata lain, menjadi lebih positive tehadap life. ( i know that i'm gonna be facing a lot of hardships next year, but i will and have to be strong.) superwoman rocks, yawww!

7. sungguhpun saya ingin menjadi seperti kriteria no.6,saya juga ingin menjadi diri yang tidak terlalu naif, dan mudah ditipu dan dipijak kepalanya. i'm talking from experience, ppl. well, it still hurts from before. but i'm over it, and i'm so happy now. ;)

selebihnya, maybe akan menjadi azam tahun baru saya versi kalendar masihi. sekian, terima kasih.
ouh, ya. jangan lupa. saya teringin benar membuat wishlist christmas saya. takot terlambat. xpelah. maybe pada next post, okay.
and, jgn wonder kenapa saya bebahasa baku bahasa melayu secara tiba2. ini semua gara2, perubahan mood. juga kerana ketidakstabilan hormon.

akhir kata,
selamat menyambut awal muharam!

Monday, December 14, 2009

ayah mithali

my dad is rarely at home. he's home once a week maybe? and this holiday, my ultimate "to- do thing" in my "to- do list" is

to be a good kid, and listen to mummy and daddy.

which includes, less going out and hanging out with friends. and a curfew of 9 pm if i did went out. *well, the curfew is set by myself though. hehe.* anyway, a few days ago i decided to spend some time hanging out with apek and shamil. i've been spending my time at home all week, so i figured maybe i deserve to go out and have fun for a day. its not like i go out for everyday right? coincidently, my dad came home as i was about to go out.

"ko ney, asyik kluar aje. isk. x reti duduk rumah betol." says my dad.

i was like, wht??? u're not even at home all the time, and u're telling me tht i go out all the time? okay, tell me how does tht make sense.

Friday, December 11, 2009

barbie.

LA ROUX- I'M NOT YOU TOY

I'm not your toy
This isn't another girl meets boy x2

Love, love hides in a smoky light
And I can never find the truth
Boy, your touches leave me mystified
And I wish I could believe in you

Yes it's all false love and affection
You don't want me
You just like the attention
Yes it's all false love and affection
You don't like me
You just want the attention

I'm not your toy
This isn't another girl meets boy x3

haha. sing this to ur ex boyfriend. i love, love, love this song!

piggie bank me.

the thing i hate most about break ups: the way it leaves me with zero level of self-confidence, thank you.

i've ended my previous relationship for more than a month now, and i cant help but notice a similar pattern of thinking that i tend to have. now, i feel good going out with friends, but i cant help but feel OVER self-conscious around them. deciding on my outfit is hell for me. i feel fat all the time. i feel ugly, and when i open my closet which is full of garments, i still end up being depressed about having nothing to wear. yesss, my wardrobe needs to be updated now. but that will leave me being broke. i already am anyway. so please, money. can u start growing on trees now?

i used to not care so much about how my hair looked like, my body, my skin, the way i speak, EVERYTHING. i used to just 'go with the flow', so they say. but now, I AM OBSESSED with my looks. i just wanna look prettier. is that wrong? just so that i could feel good about myself once again. i dont wanna look in the mirror and feel like a total shit. (ouh yeah, i feel that way now.)

so friends, i need help. maybe u can suggest wht i should do with my hair to begin with. and NO. i dont wanna cut it short, i'll look like a FAT PIG having a mini wig then. well, u know wht i mean. ;)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

drugged.

the biggest news in the world, now is...... no, just in sunway college. and no, just for MUFY students only. hey, our finals results are finally out. maybe i'm a little outdated because i only went to check my results after several friends called and texted me. but, yeahhhh. i've viewed my results.* after cursing in front of my computer for ten minutes, because i cant view the fucking page, only to discover later tht i had typed the wrong address. i know, smack me pleaseeee.* i couldnt say that i wasnt satisfied, but i just wished that i had done better. it was not enough for the requirement of jpa, but enough to get me to monash at least. i AM thankful that i had passed my chemistry, but not with flying colours unfortunately. issskkkk. okay, i need a brain transplant.

text me if u need anything. i'm totally disconnected from the cyber world these days. =)

Friday, December 04, 2009

talk about new bf.

during the time that i was gone, i revisited my childhood memories, and i believe now that memories are never meant to be forgotten. be it the happy ones, or the sad ones. even the ones we refused to remember, will stay there. simply because they are memories. okay, lets put it in a telenovela version. imagine urself as the poor girl who loses ur memory because u had hit ur head pretty bad in a car accident. u dont know who u are, or how u had come to be who u are at that time. i'm pretty sure u feel, EMPTY.

anyway, back to the story. as usual, my family and i celebrated eid adha at my granny's, in petaling. nothing much to tell about raya, except that its FREAKING HOT the whole day, tht it gives me headache. no, seriously. i was sweating and sitting in front of the fan, but still, its HOT. *mungkin juga kerana sy suda byk berdosa, kata rakan2.* who knows? haha.

the next day, all of us went to kedah. my cousin's having a wedding, so we spent another 4 days there before going back home. the journey from kedah to melaka,took around 8 hours, vice-versa. which is, time consuming, energy draining, butt hurting, along with everything else, u can imagine. still, it felt good to finally be able to gather all my family members under one roof. but, of course the feeling only lasted before all the arguing and cursing began. ;P yeah, thts my family. all in all, we had a safe trip and reached home safely two days ago.

approximately 2 hours after reaching home, la sistas a.k.a charlie's angels went to catch korean pop star, RAIN, in action for ninja assassin. i can say that his more buffed body is intimidating and worth drooling for. same goes for taylor lautner, in new moon, which i had watched online yesterday. (okay, see? i'm never discussing the movies, but the HOT guys in it.) haha. its never wrong to dream right? naaaaah. my next boyfriend will be buff. i've decided on that. =)

wait. wait. wait. not TOO BUFF. thts just creepy. i want JUST NICE BUFF. okay?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

beautiful nightmare? tengkorak kau.

this aint funny. i dreamt about u twice already now.consecutively. shoooh! stop pestering me in my dreams, u're not gonna make it sweeter, u're causing me nightmares! and obviously, dark circles under my eyes. but i'm getting better at this. i know how to shut u down completely. i'm lucky i didnt see u face to face. that would be a major disaster. god, i wish next sem will NEVER come. i'm perfectly fine with life now.

chuck bass. come be with me tonight. i'll be waiting~
;))

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

ouh, brother.

my god, i'm so exhausted today! i didnt manage to wake up in time for my morning jog, but i did wake up in time to make lunch for my two lil babies at home. and ohh, did i tell u that its my brother's bday today? i guess i didnt. well, HAPPY 10TH BDAY, SHAFIQ! i'm just about done baking another round of cupcakes. only tht it looked awful this time. ;) no worries, its still eatable.

in two days time, i'll be away. first, back to kl for a day, then a week to kedah for my cousin's wedding. yeah, the break i wanted i believe. i'm really excited to go to kedah as i havent seen my relatives there for like ages. i hope tht they'll still be as warm, loving and fun like before. i'm crossing my fingers, here. hee. bless me with nice pictures, please.

and yesterday, erel finally took me and toncet out for a movie. it was fun, but the movie was totally BORING. guys, dont watch 'the box'. =)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

cuppa cuppa.

sayang, did i miss our date yesterday? i'm sorry, I JUST FORGOT. i spent the whole day having fun, and i get around to finally baking my own cupcakes! i especially made these cute babies for the boys at jasin.

good luck cupcakes.

my mom said, for a first-timer i was doing okay. haha. well, i think so, too.anyway, i had FUN today. mcm da lme gle x balik maktab, but it was good to be there this time. it helps me get over things, ya know? still, i miss my friends a lot while i was there. it feels different to just be there alone, without them.so, i told the boys, they should have fun while they can, there. coz i know that they'll be missing school too when they leave it. yeah, just like i did. ;)

okay, i need to get some sleep. i have to jog tmrw morning. haha. bye guys!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

sisterly affairs.

suddenly home doesnt feel so homey anymore. i thought u could understand what i'm going through, and i thought that u could help me go through this. u are my sister, afterall. i never really did have problems with toncet, she's way more mature than u. u are older than me and toncet, so why cant u just be more mature? grow up, please. i just want the three of us to spend time together. dont u get it? be it going to the movies, baking cupcakes, window shopping, cant we? things are already hard now, please dont make it harder for me.

i wish that u could see, how its killing me everytime we fought. and i wish tht u could just appreciate my efforts. i really tried so hard to get along with u, but its not gonna work if u're not trying too.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

them.

finally, i'm at home. last night, sharina and i did a lot of talking. since i cant sleep at tht time. haha. i dont know what's wrong, but i feel so restless last night.

anyway, today is the first day i'm home and boy, i woke up at 7 am. early huh? i figure tht i'm gonna help out with house chores today. ;) well, kak yanti wont be back here anytime soon. so, why not? to start off my beautiful day, i went for a jog at the park.

new mission: maintain current weight, or shed some pounds. possible? i dont know, i'll just have to try.

after the very exhausting jog,*i havent been exercising since like, FOREVER u know.* i started doing my assigned work.
1. do the laundry
2. cook
3. babysit

yeah, the list is short. but the work, is a lotttttttt. and by 5pm, i'm completely drained.
shakhina, this is only the beginning. =) cheer up would ya?

Monday, November 16, 2009

mati kutu


sisters? no. this is ms farhana. one of the english lecturers in our college. and she's smoking hott. haha.

i need to be at home soon. i needed to be surrounded by people. i really, really, really, need company. there's gotta be more to life than only this right? darn it. hold on.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

i'm counting the hours before i go back to melaka. i mean, i cant wait to go back home, but i feel sad too. subang is like home for me these 4 months. so many things have happened while i'm here. i have good memories, and memories which i wanted to erase here. i know, leaving is the right thing to do. one thing keeps bothering me. will i be able to really forget and embrace the changes here when i come back? only time can tell. things are definitely gonna change by then. and i'm scared. huh.

i am done packing and throwing some old stuff from this semester, and i'm all nostalgic now. shitt. i'm gonna miss all of u, this holiday. its a long one, by the way. till january.

i'm looking forward to spending my time with my siblings at home. ;) back to all the shoutings and yellings tht we used to have at home, i guess.

blair

i've been high having a gossip girl marathon these two days. fuhh. and i'd say, i LOVE blair! haha. she kept me entertained, at least.

last two days, were also my hanging out days. shamil*tgb* came all the way from kedah to meet the guys. he too, was having his long break. so, he hung around before going to labuan.

finally, i'm going back to melaka tomorrow. i'll be back here in subang for raya haji. and no worries, i'll come meet u guys later. ;)
yesterday; sound, shamil, mo, me, apek, koray, and fizi*he's taking the pic*

Thursday, November 12, 2009

keep u much longer

you guys have been there for me all along. through ups and downs, i really appreciate everything tht u did for me. i love u guys, always. i'm listening to akon- keep you much longer. and i really2 wish tht i could keep you guys much longer with me. i cherished every moment of us spent together, and i hope there'll be more. ;)
sisters; toncet and sharina, cousin; nadia
neddy, mamak.
all the way from US; yayang
always there; mimi
momo.

mama didie.
aunt ninie and pak ngah.
iffah and din.

all of us; dayah, iffah and adeeb.

this little one keeps me going; baby sofia.
attn: these pictures are from my personal collection. some of you guys might not be featured here, because of lack of pictures from my collection.
attn2: apek, anne, sofea, haliq, adam and everyone else whom i forgot, thank you for being there for me too.

outt

TUESDAY
spent the whole day with housemates and friends. jalan2, makan2, watch movie together.we watched 'pisau cukur', and i fell in love with shah reza. =)

WEDNESDAY

a day out with my dearest cousin, nadia. mimi tagged along, but her pics in her phone, so i cant upload now. hehe. basically, we did the same thing in mid. makan2, jalan2, watch movie. and we watched phobia 2, which was scary at first, but damn funny towards the end. nadia and i talked a lot, about things happening now in our lives and about old times. i realized how i miss the old times, happy times, good times with my loved ones. who wouldn't?

Monday, November 09, 2009

dark circles.

thanks to mimi for the fact that he doesnt exist on my fb and ms anymore. i know myself. i will definitely stalk his page, find out wht he's doing, how's he's feeling and of course, in the end i'm the one who's gonna get hurt. not knowing about him at all makes me feel okay. so friends, i'll appreciate it very much if u dont tell me wht u see in his fb page or ms page. just know one thing, i'm trying so hard to erase him from my life. its not easy, most of the time i find myself missing all the good times we shared. STUPID, yeah. so, to forget everything is the best way. i'm putting myself in a different circle from him. and i dont want our circles to meet. ever.

subang ni takla sebesar mne. i saw wht i dont wanna see most just now. my heart's strong though, it just keeps telling me to move forward, and never stop. well, it was nice seeing u together with her. ;) i'm glad tht u're happy at least. okay. one circle for u, and one for me. let's not cross each other's path okay? i had apologized to u yesterday, and i think everything's settled now.

p/s: i told mo yesterday, a great way to distract myself is by having a GREAT SEX with a freaking hot gigolo. =PP
well, tht's not gonna happen, sadly. haha.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

heavy bones.

direct translation to: berat tulang. last day of finals is on monday and i'm damn lazyyyyy. all i do now is sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep eat. i might end up becoming a PIG if this continues. chemistry is tough for me, but bio is okay. and, and, and, i'm having both papers on monday. GILA.

tp, x sabar nk abes exam. serious x sabar. i can sleep and never wake up then. ;) urghh. please, hold on just for a little while. i can do this. yeahhhhhh.

Friday, November 06, 2009

roots.

hairankah bila anda di passing2 di kalangan rakan2 nya dan juga abangnya? "okay. korg bley try ex girlfriend aku sekarang, kalo dapat, bagosla. aku dah tak nak dye lg". hairankah bila anda pernah mendengar si dia berkata begitu kepada rakan2nya suatu ketika dahulu? ketika itu anda tidak ambil kisah kerana ex girlfriend si dia bukanlah anda. hari ney anda kisah.

dunia ini menakutkan rupenye. terasa ingin lari jaoh ke tempat yang tiada orang kenal sy, mahupun si dia. no, this is not what i wanted. i wanted to start over, to forget, to move on. i dont need to be reminded of u in any way. so please, stop asking them to test me. u should know very well i had loved u truely before this. i dont need to be humiliated anymore. enough of that okay? just leave me alone, and accept this the way it is.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

ice, ice baby.

let both of u guys cool down first.
someone told me tht. i didnt understand, wht it means in the beginning. but it make sense to me now. i had wondered, why am i feeling shitty and stuff. its only the beginning right? i'm starting over, thts why its hard. all i need is time. days will go to weeks. weeks will go to months. and i'll feel better by then. no point in me being mad, it just shows how i refuse to let go of things between us. i've been thinking a lot about this, and i even get scolded for being soft-hearted.hee. give me some time guys, i needed tht more than anything. =)

i'm going to leave everything here after my finals. i had intended to go travelling, maybe with my little sister. yeahh, i'll get away from all of this and have some peace of mind. my last paper is on monday, 9th november. till then, i'm gonna just stay here, and BE HAPPY. ;)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

shades lacoste. nak?


haha. gamba yg hodoh bodoh.

i wanted to be happy. i tried so hard, from this afternoon until now, to forget how i had treated him. but i kept on thinking, whether i had done the right thing just now. yes, my friends said tht he deserved it, but why ouh why is my heart so soft? i know tht its stupid to still care about him, but thts how my brain function, sadly. penat taw kne mara dgn rakan2 sbb kesiankn dye. =) i know u guys care about me, and dont wanna see me hurt again. thank you so much. i'll bear tht in mind everytime i feel sorry for him okay.

aaaaah. letting it all out, feels so good. okay, i'll start studying now. ;))

senyumla.

it is complicated when it's concerning FRIENDS. we've been in the same circle of friends, having fun together and all. of course, when things end up like this, its ugly. i dont blame them for seeing only bad things in me. they're his friends, and obviously they hated the things i wrote about him. get this point straight. dont u guys understand, that its hurting me too, to write things like that about the person i had once loved, and still in love with?dont u guys understand, that its hurting me, everytime i treat him bad? dont u guys understand, tht i had used all the strength tht i have just to face him again? i dont want things to end like this either. i had given him the choice, but he'd chosen to end it the rough way.

have u guys ever seen me cry for him? i bet u havent. because if all of u are good friends of mine, u would've known how much i had cried for him, how many sleepless nights i had have, and most of all, u guys would've known how much i had loved him all this while. its hurting me either way. cant u see? treating him bad hurts, ignoring him hurts, remembering the way he had treated me, hurts too. walking away from him hurts me so much, only mimi saw me being weak and cry. all i ever wanted is for him to be happy. and so i'm leaving him for good. being friends with each other wont help both of us, he should've known that. he should've think abt my feelings too, how it would've hurt me to see him again. haish.

nope. i'm not tht strong. the only way tht i'm surviving, is by pretending to be strong. its too long a wait for these wounds to heal, yeah. i can only pretend tht i'm all healed up now, to protect myself from being harmed further.there, i've said it all. i've failed to be a superwoman.

wow. wayang free!

maths exam is finally over. throughout the examination, i was having a really hard time to concentrate as he was sitting just a few seats in front of me. "xpela, kuatkn hati. jgn patah smgt." is all i keep repeating to myself. coz seriously, i dont wanna see his face ever. saket, taw x? okay, the paper was quite okay. easier than expected. i was satisfied with wht i wrote on the paper. lps abes exam, i pun chow tros cpt2. luckily mimi was reacting faster than me, and she ushered me out of the hall in an instant.

drama rtm bermula bila sy dan mimi berjalan ke pyramid. nk mkn disane and tros balik ruma, plan kami. all of a sudden, there's a hand jerking my right arm. "babi, terkejot aku!" was all tht came out of my mouth. it was aizat. i jerked my arm free, and i walked away. but he would not let me go. he said tht he wanted to talk. jadi, adegan tarek2 lengan berlanjutan utk beberapa ketika. yg menariknye, adegan ini disaksikan oleh org ramai. hingga ade yg berkate, "wahaaa, wayang free oi ari ney!". and i let him talk after tht. he asked why havent i been answering his phone calls and text messages. simple. i told him tht i dont want anything to do with his life anymore. rse cam nk jerit FUCK OFFFFFF je kuat2 time tu. tp adalah tidak sopan ye, berkelakuan spt itu di khalayak ramai. he keeps on saying tht he dont want tht, and begged for me to at least be his friend. i said no. i cant. and i left him there. he chased after me with his car, but i walked away. i dont know him, u see. he's a stranger. xkan nk berhenti and ckp ngn stranger?? hell, no. lalala~ go on, dream about it. ;P

i was ur BEST FRIEND, but did u ever appreciate me before? i cared about u more than anyone else before, do u remember? now, go on. live ur life the way u had intended to. and i'll live mine, HAPPILY without u. by the way, when i said, "kosong2 okay?" what i really mean was,"get the hell out of my life, sucker." get tht now? thank you, i love u too. muuuuaaaaahx! =P haha.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

roda, ouh roda.

stop calling and texting me, aizat. i wont be answering, and i wont be replying okay? i told u tht its gonna be ur loss, not mine. so u're begging me now? u're a funny guy, u know. u SHOULD be thankful tht i had forgiven u. and now u're asking for more? come on, stop being selfish. u're trying to use me again for ur own good. worse than that, my heart is aching so bad everytime u do tht. please stop. i dont owe u anything, and i expect u to understand tht.

go meet ur math teacher, she'd be more than glad to help u. its not tht i dont wanna help u, but u're really asking for too much. and u're being a jerk all over again, thank you. good luck for our maths paper tmrw. we both can do this without each other. ;)

here's a question for all of u. how the hell am i suppose to throw my love away? it just stayed there, i love and care about him still. but not to worry, i wont ever go back to be his slave anymore. enough of tht, i'm immune to all his deceiving words now.

Monday, November 02, 2009

sickk

okay. this is not good. the day after tomorrow is my finals. and i think i'm about to have a fever. i've been out the whole day today, accompanying mimi to do her passport and i reach home at 10pm just now. it was raining almost the whole day, and i 'm feeling sick. ouh please, i dont wanna be sick now. i need to score for my finals. no one would care about me now, if i'm sick. everyone's gonna be busy studying. and i dont wanna be a burden to everyone. haish.

guys,pray tht i'll get better soon yeah?

kau aku

its funny tht when u apologize to me, i cn feel tht u're not sincere. u're lucky though, tht i really2 did forgive u. and u asked me to teach u maths for ur finals? wht the heck? lets be clear. i told u tht i dont ever wanna see ur face ever. so, go look up in the dictionary whtver tht means. and, do stop texting me. coz lets face this. i know u too well now, tht whtever u say doesnt give much effect on me. i didnt even bother wishing tht it was true at all. saying 'i love u forever' doesnt help either. it just shows how desperate u are to pass ur maths examination. hey, i'm not mean u know. i had sacrificed my time, and i had taught u a lot when we're together. now, go find someone else to teach u. i dont have time to waste for u anymore. however, i pray tht all of us will do well for our finals. =)

see, i told u to appreciate me. now u lose a good friend who cares about u, and a teacher, who's very dedicated.

it was true when i told u tht i dont know who u are anymore. u became a total stranger when u treat me tht way the other day. and i cant be friends with a stranger, u see. does it all make sense to u now? let me go. i want to be happy. my heart's healing fast, so dont u dare delay the process. i forgive u, just fucking go, okay.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

memoir

mom called last night, she talked to me a lot. i havent been able to tell her the whole story, coz i was afraid tht i would cry so bad. it would've hurt her, and i would've never want tht to happen. and so i told her tht everything was okay, and for her not to worry. she made me laugh, i just cant help it. she really knows how to be silly at times. she asked me to forgive, and move on with life. which is exactly the thing tht i'm doing now. ouh, how she understands. i know i had wronged her a lot. being the stubborn child i am. i wish i could take back all the nasty words i had said to her before this. because in the end, she's the one who comforted me and make me feel tht everything's okay.

i had stopped crying altogether. her words played repeatedly in my head.i'll never let u down this time, mom. i promise u this. i know how much u care, and i wanted to make u proud. u had noticed me changing when i met him, and know now tht i'll be ur little girl once again. ;)

thank you mom. i might not say this a lot, but i love u so much.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

rawatan muka.

damn. i woke up and my eyes were swollen. and it's still swollen now. no. i didnt cry much yesterday. i really didnt. and i dont have sleepless nights too, since i broke up with him. i guess talking about it actually helps. A LOT. so, i'm pissed at my eyes now for not returning back to normal. haish, its ugly to take pictures in this condition. i wanna show u guys my new hair cut. hehe. just a little cut to the fringe. but still, i wanna show it. maybe later, when my eyes are not swollen anymore. =)

btw, mom. i miss u. i'll give u a call later, okay? u're baby girl is singing to big girls dont cry now. and she's feeling really lucky, coz she have so many people who cared about her. and she's happier now, too. ;D

Friday, October 30, 2009

eric bana, ily.

i saw him just now. and then i looked away. its hard not to bump into him, when we're studying in the same college u see.damn, it hurts. it hurts so much. cant my heart heal now? i dont wanna feel miserable, coz i know tht he's fucking enjoying his life now.

i was feeling okay this morning, and i even went to watch the time traveller's wife at pyramid. i tried to have fun, as much as i can. damn, he really spoil my evening.

it was raining too, just now. and it reminded me of wht happened the other day. and then, there's tears on my face again.

ouh, please be strong. i know i am. and i am moving on. come on, this is only the beginning. smile, and everything will be okay. =)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

DAY ONE

waking up today, the first thing i felt was the pain. then the emptiness of everything. i know this was gonna be hard, my days are gonna be hard. and i started crying once again. i'm not mad at life, nor am i mad at him. i'm mad at myself as i have loved someone ever so truly for two years. i'm mad at myself as i'm not capable of hating him.mostly, i'm mad at myself for letting him hurt me.

after all the love i gave, the sacrifices i made, why, ouh why are u treating me this way? why come to me in the first place?

i remembered asking u the night before we met yesterday. i asked whether there's someone in ur heart, tell me so i can let u go. u said no. i was the only one that u loved. the only one that u had ever known u could love. ouhhhhh, how sweet. only tht it was a TOTAL LIE. havent u realize, tht i was the one who was there for u everytime u needed me? tht i was the one who defended u, who trusted u, when everyone else is turning their back on u? havent u realize, tht i was the one who love u for who u are? i never complain much, i accept u for all ur weaknesses. and yet, u have the heart to dump me in the most pathetic way.

well, u should've said tht u want a break up. be a man, say it in front of me. wht u did yesterday, showed me wht a coward u are. yeah, a coward.

u're a good friend for ur friends, a good son for ur parents, a good brother for ur siblings, a good guy in public. but u're a complete JERK for a boyfriend. i was ur friend before i was ur gf, didnt u ever considered tht before u did wht u did? ouh, i forgot how selfish u are. now i rmmbr.

gosh. i miss baby sofia. i know i'll never get to see her again, and tht hurts me too. why be so mean, aizat? i never did anything bad to u. never.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

carpe diem

this is the simple fact. aizat is a coward. he asked nora to admit tht she's his gf, and he refused to say a word. thinking about it, i really regretted wasting these 2 years loving him without asking for anything in return. another fact hit me really hard. he never did really love me. not even a little. thts the only explanation for treating me this way. no, i'm not mad at him. and i dont hate him for what he did. i love him still. but enough of it. this is too much. to treat me like this is unacceptable.

i should've listened to mom and dad. they never liked aizat, i guess thts for good reasons. i'm sorry. i should've listened to u guys.haish.

aizat, i forgive u for everything, but i wont ever forget wht u did today. not even if i die, thts how bad it is. and by the way, tanx. u taught me a lot of things. u taught me how to love, more importantly, how to let go. please, dont ever appear in front of me again. i do not wish to see u ever again. move to another college if u have to. really, i dont wanna see u again. u hurt me really bad. most important of all, u dont deserve me. i deserve someone a million times better than u.

tanx to everyone for ur endless support. i really appreciate it. i now know tht there's a lot more to love other than aizat shamer azmi. i've learnt my lesson guys.

end

i,just got dumped today. here's the story.

remember when i said that i sensed something was wrong with him? i thought it was a new girl. god, i was wrong. it was nora, his ex gf. i confronted aizat in college just now, he kept on denying tht he got back together with her. but i saw their picture together, taken a few days ago. wht the hell? he acts like everythg's normal. then, coincidently,(thank god!!) nora called. i answered his phone, ntah dari mne i got the courage pn, i tataw. so, i talked to her. i asked her whether they were back together or not. she asked me who i was instead. i told her i was his gf. aizat asked her to meet us at tht time. i thought tht he was abt to ask her explain, tht she got ntg to do with him. again, i was SO WRONG.

she came, and aizat went to her, started holding hands with her, and thts when i realize, with great despair tht i'm the one who's not suppose to be there. damn. it hurts. he asked nora to tell me tht she was his gf. she refused to say so, *she pitied me, u see.*aizat got mad, so he left. i talked to him, asking him not to leave. but he didnt even look at me, it's like i never existed in the first place.

it was raining, i was so humiliated, broken, ashamed, sad and tormented. words cant describe the pain i felt. i left the cafe too, walking in the rain, absorbing the ugly fact tht i'm not wanted anymore. guess wht? someone chased after me, calling my name and all. i had hoped tht it was aizat. yet again, i was wrong. it was nora. she refused to let me go back. she wanted to send me home. she feels sorry for me.and she comforted me all the way to casa subang.

imagine, how it must've feel like to be me. never in a million years, i imagine him to be this bad. yes, he was bad, but not this BAD. i was treated like a dog today. a freaking dog. i was humiliated, and hurt like im not suppose to have feelings. didnt he consider, tht i have feelings too? i had loved him so much, and i trusted him. this is wht i get in the end. i feel sorry for myself.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

gamer

what's mine will have to stay. i dont fucking care. u're not gonna walk off on me. yeah, i'm one miserable lady, and i'm gonna go nuts anytime soon. i can feel it when something's wrong, u know. u taught me how to see it coming dear. i told u to behave, right? i hope tht u've been listening to what i've told u. we dont want this to go to waste, do we? well, at least i dont want this to go to waste.haha.

dont worry. i trust u still.

einsteinn, marry me??

my bio teacher said tht we humans only utilises 1% of our brain cells. but einstein manages to utilise 9% of his. babi unfair ouh. i wish i could have tht brain of his. hehe, selak2 buku je, xya bace pun da ingat. bestnye la mcm tu. unfortunately, finals drawing near, and my brain is not like einstein's. i gotta do it the old fashioned way then.

so much for marrying einstein. nope. i dont want to. he's too ugly for me anyway. =PP

Monday, October 26, 2009

matematika.

maths is killing me. penat buat benda yg xdpt solution ouh. still, i'm doing it. i find maths as a good distraction tool. its like getting lost in another world. haish. another day is ending. tmrw comes tuesday. i'm feeling a little blue thinking tht my sem is gonna end soon. this week is the last week for classes. i'm gonna miss my classmates, and lecturers sooo much. i had fun, these 4 months here. and i cant wait for the next sem to start. =))

ouh. and i got my trial chem marks just now. i get 57%. haha. at least i didnt fail. i gotta work my ass off for final though. chem's tough.

taik ati.

what's the reason for not answering my calls and text messages, and hanging up on me? fuccccckkkkkk nyeeeee! kau ney da kne rasuk hantu mne huh?

i know i said i will not whine much since i'm the one who wanted to stay with him, i cant help but do it. bear with me okay?

i wanted to trust u soooo badd, but how? u're stepping on my head everytime. what the hell is wrong with u?? i know tht there's ntg wrong with me, i'm just being me. but what about u?? i've never ever treated u bad in any way, but u're treating me like shit. yeah, like shit. come on, make me happy. i deserved to be treated nicely. damn, this is frustrating.

chakkk

say NOOOOO to monday. darn it. darn it. i'm freaking lazy, maths cls at 11am tmrw. i wanna do nothing but curl like a ball on my bed. haha. finals coming, and i've turned myself into a lazy pig. GREAT.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

hati ke, rasa?

i've changed into a very forgiving person. i've learnt to forgive so many things this three months. yeah, my heart had sustained multiple injuries but it still survived, fortunately. hey, recently i found out tht i'm actually VERY stubborn. when everyone's telling me to move on, even from before this, i refused to. i did try, i really did, during those 7 months. but it's eating me up inside. the feelings of longing and missing were really hard to bear at tht time. i can still remember the sleepless nights i had when i was missing him. life was hard, but i managed to live through it. and i'm proud of myself for that.

i told u tht i'm gonna trust him this time right? i've promised myself tht i'll never ever let go this time too. we're holding on, right now. dont worry, i'll come crying to u guys next time we messed up. till then, i can only tell u tht i'm happy now. be content with life, remember?

ikot hati, mati. ikot rasa plak, binasa. nk ikot hati ke rasa ni eh?
i wanted to choose both. tp nnt msk neraka jahanam la jwpnye. =))

friends or foes

a friend in need is a friend indeed.

last week, i was totally upset. i told u abt my heartaches and stuff. dont worry. i'm all healed now. haha. someone told me tht i could have her superwoman title for a day, and tht helped me a lot. tanx neddy. although i didnt manage to read anything for my chemistry, at least i was doing okay. tht's good news right?

apek and neddy comforted me tht night, and also adeeb. it feels great to be surrounded by friends who care. i know, i'm lucky. apek and i went back to melaka and he accompanied me a lot, melayankan sy yg patah hati. pg shopping pn trpksa ditemankn. hee.

sorry guys, i'm sticking with him. no, i'll be more miserable and all broken if i leave him. i'm not willing to go through those 7 months without him again. no.

note to self; u're asking for it. dont regret if u end up with ur heart shattered to pieces again.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

comfort zone

i'm listening to d'masiv, merindukanmu. credits to ned for this soothing song. i still havent started on anythg for my chemistry, but i will, soon. pray tht i wont fail this time yeah? my head's throbbing so bad, i hadnt stop crying for almost 2 hours now. i need to stop now, chemistry wont wait for me to be okay.too bad.

i'm leaving everything behind, and i'm going back to melaka tmrw. i'll seek some comfort there. mom, i need u. comfort me pls. i wish tht i could stay with u forever. u're the one who cared abt me most, i know tht, and u always will.

heart, hold on for a while yeah? bear with me a little longer. i pity u, as much as i pitied myself as i'm not able to protect u from harm. we'll go through ths together okay? be strong.

i feel stupid

i am stupid, i know. i need someone to just slap me, and tell me tht i'm stupid. pls tell me to stop wtvr i'm doing now. i'm crying so bad now, my heart is hurting, yet again.just tell me to let go and move on,pls. no, dont tell me, just MAKE me let go and move on.ouh, i need a hug so bad rite now. pls, pls, pls tell me tht everythg's gonna be okay.

am i not good enough for u? i'm pretty sure i am. i've been the best, most understanding, most loyal, most stupid gf on earth. wht else do u want? i trusted u, my mistake then. ouch, it freaking hurts. i've got to stop doing this to myself, finals near u know. and i have chemistry trials tmrw. haha. great timing. i really, really, really dont wanna fight with u. i thought we're doing okay, wht happen to all ur promises?

pls someone mke this stop. i need to study. seriously.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

embrace it.

she gave up on being mad. deep inside, she knows tht he feels the same way too. nope, she wasnt assuming or hoping tht he'd love her the way she do. she just feels it. he wasnt a person who's good at telling her how he feels abt her, he never was, and never is. she had known him long enough to know tht fact. he was wrong for being too busy, for being too ignorant, but he's just being.. him. in the end she cant argue with the fact tht she loves him for who he is. despite everythg tht her silly mind keeps telling her, she wont budge. she wont walkaway, because she knows tht he is actually trying too. only tht, she keeps on blaming him for his imperfection. because he's not like everyone else's bf. he's my bf. i love him and i always will.

there goes all my "jiwangness". i know, i grumble a lot. i wanted a perfect fairytale for myself. haha, wake up girl. u're not cinderella, and he's not prince charming, thank you. ;)

Monday, October 19, 2009

sexy bitch


it's never my intention to fight with u. i know tht i'm gonna be the one ending up crying, and alone too. come on baby, ask my friends, ask my family, they'll know tht i'm not someone with patience and tolerance over stupid things. god knows why i can be patient and tolerate all ur nonsense, when all u know is being ignorant. it's funny tht when i get mad at u, u'll get mad at me instead. i've tried being nice to u, but then u told me tht i'm being rude, yada,yada,yada. my fault is ur main priority. have u seen urs? hve u ever take a second to think, why did i get mad in the first place? nope, its not my pms. it has never been my pms.and yeah, try to learn how to appreciate me, as much as i appreciated u being here with me. i said try, right? i'm tired of being mad at u because of the same thing, over and over and over again. enough testing me all right? do remember this. i have feelings too.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

rebutla.

yeah, take wht u think is urs. all i want is for u to just freaking dissapear from my life. ouh, how i wish i could tell u how much i hate u. words can never match the amount of hatred i feel for u, and just so u knw, i dont dislike someone easily, but i hate u. i really, really, really hate u, bitch. i didnt take him away before, coz he wasnt mine anymore. so why do u want him now? just bcoz tht he's mine now? go ahead, have him all u want. u're funny, girl. i'm laughing at u now. =))

give me some peace of mind, pls. i want to be happy too. just fucking go, okay?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

i wanted to go, but..

here's an announcement. i have the all american rejects concert ticket which is on 31st of october. i'm not going sadly. and i'm selling it now. u can tell me if u want it, okay.

Friday, October 16, 2009

blackberry anyone?

my phone suffered a lot. i pity it. broken parts here and there. i think it can only survive for a few months more. waah. the fact is, i love my phone. i've had it for a year and a half now. it went through everything with me. through all the happy times, heartaches, frustrations and weariness, one thing is always by my side. my phone. phone, ouh phone. please dont leave me. i cannot imagine my life without u. life's not worth living in without u. GOD, why'd u wanna take it from me?

i told my mom tht my phone's broken. she refused to sponsor a new one. but u promised a blackberry for me next year. cant i have it now instead? haish. she must be having financial problems now. ;( i wanna be a good child and i never intended to ask for money. i'm so sorry mom. forget the blackberry okay? i love my old phone. gosh. i loathe the fact that i cant work now. why dont money just grow on trees?? i'll be a successful farmer then. yeah, life's unfair, i know.

mom said, forget abt the money issue. move on with life. ouh mom, have i tell u this? i love u so much. u hold on, okay?

body's aching

yeah, my body's aching all over. had a long day yesterday.

went to pyramid with aizat right after class at 5.30pm. we watched papadom! omg, the story's nice and sad, and touching, and great. i almost cried while watching it. i think, tht movie delivers a very clear msg on appreciating our loved ones, which is suitable for aizat to watch. =))

then, we went to pak li in sect 7, with amoi, adam and apek. guess i ran into who?? sofea! bapak lme gle xjmpe kn. tp xsempat borak lme pn, coz uitmnye gate ttp kul 11 kn.

i lost count of the activities after tht. all i knw is that, all of us left AC at 5 am. and i was exhausted. slept like a pig till 4.30pm, just now.

we had a great time yesterday. and maybe it did make up for some lost times together. yeah syg, we could always try.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

karma

what goes around comes around. familiar with that? yeah, org kate, buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat pun dibalas jahat. and so i'm thinking now, maybe i've treated someone badly before this. that's why i'm treated badly this time. my mind traces back to that someone. i treated him badly, i used to ignore him and lie a lot. without feeling bad about it. ouh yeah, i was like a bitch to him. when he's texting too much, i grew tired of him and dumped him, with a stock of curses. verrrryyyy bad i tell u. and he just told me this: one day, i'll feel the same. someone will treat me tht way. he said tht he'll never forgive me. ever.

is this the freaking karma then? damn. that's so soon.

to that someone, i'm sincerely sorry that i toyed with ur feelings. i hope that u've moved on, and i hope tht u're having a great life. u're a nice guy, i know u'll find someone better.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

hot and cold

shit. i'm pissed off. baru ak taw ckp ngn dinding tu cmne rsenye. dah pro da ckp ngn dinding skang. come2. nk battle? sialan.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Jakuns, putrajaya & ...

yesterday was crap. i got my bio, english and chemistry marks. guess wht?? i failed my chemistry. waaaaah. it was unexpected, coz the questions were easy. darn it. thts why its a big deal. i went back to casa with aizat, too upset to talk much. he made me feel better at least. =)
ble tbe mlm hari, terlepaslah si jakun2 drpd ikatan. haha, apek and i both had a bad day, so we went hanging out with adam. release sket stress. kami mengembara smpi putrajaya, went karaoke-ing there, and sight seeing. sumpa, gle mcm tourists ouh. i didnt know that putrajaya looked so beautiful at night, cyes mcm bandar metrofulus dlm cte cicakman. haha.
me, apek, adam and abg ngah.
me, adam and apek. *poyo gle apek xnk amek gmba. haha.*
smlm happy sgt. ni sume gara2 da lme x karaoke. habes my voice box, jerit2, more than nyanyi2. =))
smlm pnye smlm tgk cte the perfect getaway, midnight di pyramid. bes gk cte dye ouh. next time, if i'm not happy with my life, i'm gonna go and be a serial killer and steal other ppl's identity. cool. haha.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

minus busyness, n i get?

he's just not tht into u. fullstop.

yeah, mama D asked me just now, "minus all his busyness jeje, wht else changes?". and i think, n think, n think. i can actually mke a list of it now.

1. he used to txt me evryday. now, all i do is txt him wout getting a reply.
2. we used to spend time together, and he was willing to spend time together. now, we rarely spend time together. n its hard to see him even tht we're in the same college.
3. he used to tell me where he's going, no matter how busy he was. now, i dont evn get a reply if i asked where he was going. n i didnt knw where he was, until haziq or smebody else told me. imagine hw i must've felt at tht time.
4. my msgs used to be in his inbox all the time. recently, i opened his inbox, and all my msgs were deleted. even the most recent one. all he hve in there was his friends msgs.
5. i saw an unknown no in his dialled list and sent items. i asked him who is it? he told me tht it was his friend. only tht the msg sent was" u oke?" n the time at which he dialled tht no was when he told me the next day," sorry syg, i ttdo da smlm." bcoz he didnt reply my msgs at tht time.
6. wht else changes? the way he treated me, n mke me feel tht i'm not important at all. i always end up getting my feelings hurt, sometimes i think tht he doesnt realise tht he's hurting me u knw.

one thing doesnt change. its the way i feel abt him. i knw tht he had tried too, in the beginning, to make this work. wht abt now? i dnt knw wht went went wrong, but it seems like we're drifting apart. but i dont wanna go and make assumptions this time, i guess lets see how it goes frm now. i'm taking in all the curses frm my friends and family saying tht i'm stupid, and tht ths thing will end like it did before. i believe in him this time, and i defended him, i wont let this goes to waste.

finally, minus busyness i get? him.

klcc, here we come!

i woke up when someone hugged me frm behind. yeah syg, wht is it? haha. of course it was nt him. it was mimi, trying to wake me up. there goes my sweetdream, mimi. haish.

jeng, jeng, jeng. plan for today: all girls trip to klcc. *ala, mcm bdk2 skola tuu.* hee.
and so mimi, diana, and myself headed to klcc at 3pm and reached there at 4.30pm. just for the sake of travelling, we treated ourselves like the jakuns, and tourists the whole day. and, and, and, i managed to just go window shopping in klcc. although i feel like buying something, this time i did resist the urge to shop. =)) after tht, we went walking around the taman there. and camwhoring, as usual.
me and mimi. squatting bcoz the grass was wet. haa.
yeah, i'm freaking happy. ;D
kne kejar ngn pak guard lps ney. *we're not supposed to wear shoes there u see.* hehe.
at the end of the day, with diana. gle pnt ouh.
we reached home at 1o.30pm. and apek and myself went down lepaking until 1am. overall, i'm drained out of energy. today's fun! it took my mind off things, at least. tanx everyone, u guys made my day a wonderful one. ;)

baby, come home.

hello world
hope u're listening
forgive me if i'm young
for speaking out of turn
there's someone i've been missing
i think that they could be
the better half of me
they're in their own place
tring to make it right
but i'm tired of justifying
so i'll say..

come home, come home,
coz i've been waiting for u for so long, so long
and right now there's a war between the vanities
but all i see is u n me
and the fight for u is all i've ever known
so come home..

one republic: come home

currently i'm listening to this song. yeah, the meaning is deep for me. syg, return ur old self to me pls. (pathetic, i know. but still...)

Friday, October 09, 2009

cerita lemonade

when life gives u shit, nevermind, dont be mad. there's never really a reason to be mad at life. i used to be one of those ppl who thought tht life was so unfair. why am i not freaking rich?? why am i not skinny enuf?? why am i not beautiful like her?? yada, yada, yada.. recently, i've been told that someone had died. i dont even know tht person u see. he's someone's cousin. he had an accident and just died. it got me thinking u knw, life's so short. all this while, i only know how to complain abt life not being perfect for me.


mom said, when life gives u lemon, its okay. u can always drink lemonade right? =) and so i tried to make my life fun and worth living. hey, i'm already 18. these days, when i go to college, i found out tht i can actually be happy if i wanted to. even if i fought with aizat, or someone mistreated me, i have friends who actually care abt me. i'm happy and content with life now.



as for me and aizat, i'm not giving up on trying yet. yeah, i love him. a lot. and we're doing okay now.

almost 11 months and still counting. =)
2 hours and 30 mins.

so, yesterday brula dpt kua ngn si dye. itupun stelah dye dileteri. i wasnt expecting much, just a regular movie-dinner date. its okay for me as long tht we get to spend time together. after class, i went to see him. and ouh, suddenly he felt like going to a program in ur college tht day. luckily he lost the ticket, and we ended up going to pyramid instead. by saying WE, now there's three of us instead of two. haziq tagged along. and it wasnt a date anymore. we went to maxis centre there, coz haziq needed to pay his bill. then, we watched 500 days of summer at tgv, and went back after tht.
fine, fine. i'm gonna be patient again this time. i havent seen u for like forever, and i get to spend only 2 hrs and 30 mins with u? crap. i might really get tired of trying this time.

attn: ned, u shud watch the movie. rse2, ssuai ngn kite ouh. =)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Hari ini sy blaja benda baru.
today, i had my chemistry test, which turned out to be okay. despite the fact tht i didnt finish reading ONE whole chapter on instrumental analysis, i still think tht this time i had a chance of not failing chemistry. fuh, i was lucky tht the questions selected by my teacher's nt tht complicated. and so, since the tests are over,(for now at least,) my hsemates decided to watch Friday the 13th. halfway through the movie, we realised tht it was uncensored. haha, dah tgk sparuh, so abeskn jela till the end. to other friends: pls dont watch this movie if u're with kids. xpasal2 dpt sex education nnt. i mean, SERIOUSLY.

lalalalala, nk g smayang taubat la pasni. hilang ilmu sy. =PP.

nak pergi date la besok. my class ended early tmrw!

Friday, October 02, 2009

Last Week: 26 September 2009.

i was bored last weekend, and so i texted a few of my friends and asked to go beraya at their house. (bapak xmalu gle aku ney). many of them weren't back yet from their hometown and some of their houses are just too far away. finally, ameer and ninie agreed to let me go beraya. yayy! since aizat promised to take me beraya, he was dragged along . first,we : haliq and myself went to aizat's house, then me,azrai, haliq and naem went to ameer's hse. dok2 skejap di sane b4 going to our next destination: ninie's house. ameer tag along, and so, there's like six of us. dalam perjalanan ke bandar kinrara, kami byk kali tersesat, until abt 1 hr after tht bru smpi uma ninie. hee, sampai2 kami sume dijamu dgn dinner, prepared by ninie's mom. =) haa. tanx a lot ninie, akhirnye dpt jumpa dye juga. lame gle rsenye xjmpe ninie, rindu sgt. overall, i had a great time that day, dpt juge pergi beraye, although pg 3 ruma aje.
HAH. GAMBA RAYE YANG X SEBERAPA. SILAKAN2.

peace everyone. attn: i'm not mentally ill or smething. =)


sisterly love. owwww. i miss them.

sharina was trying to put on her high heels. (toncet and i are taller than her u see.)

all DA GALS. poor nadia. she's so small, and yet i'm sitting on her lap. ;PP

BERAYA KE RUMA NINIE!!

dpn ruma ninie. gelap sgt, so x nmpk ouh.

haliq and baby sofia. comey sgt haliq kn2??

Monday, September 28, 2009

ITULAH HAL BLE SI DYE BUAT PERANGAI. SABAR, JANGAN X SABAR.

Monday, September 21, 2009

RAYALA JUGA.

i was expecting that my raya will be boring this year. the same old routine like waking up at 8, having breakfast and going to the cemetery,yada, yada, yada. but this yr, all of us went to perak after 1pm and spent the night there in my aunt's house. seronok dpt jmpe cousins and nephews. da besa2 sumenye. =) gamba gedik2 sume dlm cam laen, i'll upload lter. cam mls nk cucuk usb plak. hehe.

rabu nnt da nk kne blk casa subang. haish. raye sorg2la dlm uma. =

Saturday, September 19, 2009

eh2, da raye?

maaaaaaaaaaak. memang xrse raye sungguh tahun ney. smlm mama fetch sy from casa subang at 11pm to go to granny's at kg dato harun. dekat sgt okay. perjalanan 10 mins aje camtu. xsempat nak nyanyi lagu "balik kampung" pun. i didnt sleep at all last night, on9-ing and simply bcoz i cant sleep. bersahur at 4 with my sibs at mamak and slept at 6. so ordinary. i missed those times when i was in my KAMPUNG. real KAMPUNG okay. somewhere in kedah. its my dad's hometown, where malam raya tersgtlah meriah. and everybody's soooo excited for raya. haish.

and one more thing. i didnt even buy myself a baju raya this year. sedey gle, but i guess i'm so not in raya mood now. i went to sunway today, igtkn nk cri baju raya, tp jd mls nk jln ble smpi sne. isk2.

itulah saje cerita di malam raya. selamat hari raya everyone. bkn slalu ade peluang nak mintak maaf kat semua kan? forgive me for all my wrongdoings, be it intentional or not. have a great raya, yeah? coz i knw i will. love u all. =)

last class for that day: chemistry.

THE DAY AFTER

because i got upset tht he didnt break fast with me on my bday, he took me to break fast with his kkb friends. *ouh, GREAT.* dont get me wrong, but i thought it'd only be the two of us.

luckily haziq was there as well, so i'm not the only one who looks so out of place at that time.

aizat and baby. she'll be leaving to egypt on 28th of september guys. i had a great time actually, since she's being so friendly and all. =)


aizat, me and haliq. kuros da dy skang ouh.

overall, i didnt get mad at him on that day. it was okay for me, as long as i did get to spend some time with him. pathetic, i know. but, whatever. i wanna make this thing work this time. God, give me the strength to hold on please. i DO love him.

ON THE DAY ITSELF

mimi and i went down to level 1 of ur apartment to meet apek and haziq. we had a mini celebration for my bday by the pool. *i was lucky enough that i didnt get thrown into the pool.=)* i did get to blow a candle for my bday, it was too windy down there u see.

Make A WISH. and so i did. i wished for him to be happy, and for this thing to last this time.

haziq, apek, akim and myself then went out and we came back at 3am. i was exhausted and i slept till 2pm.

mimi woke me up and gave me my bday present. =) best ouh, bgn pg2 da dpt present. haa. tanx mimi! the rest of the day was spent with nothingness. friends and family: tanx for the bday wishes and presents! i appreciate them all.

he promised to break fast with me on tht day and to celebrate. nope, he didnt make it. and i didnt get to see him on my bday. how bad can it be guys? i dont know. again, sy cakap "xpe" kat dye.
A DAY BEFORE.
it was nice seeing my close friends whom mi missed so much. lame sungguh rsenye xketemu mereka. finally on 11th september, all of us meet up at adeeb's house. thanx to her, all of us get to gather. iffah came all the way from pahang, dayah frm shah alam and me from subang. we watched eden lake before all of us dozed off tht night. (btw, eden lake sgt scary okay. i watched it halfway only). the next day, we went for last minute raya shopping. pnt la jugak, walaupun start to shop at about 2pm. haha. selesai menjelajah kedai2 yg ade, kami berbuka di mne ya? xigt nme restaurant dy. coz food dy cam pelik,and all of us were too busy filling our tummy to care abt the name. abell and ayong was there with us, and kami terserempak ngn toyol before we ate.
toothbrushing session. =)
cik jeje katenye. haa.

me, dayah, ayong, and iffah. (chubbynye pipi sy. adoi2)
adeeb, me, dayah and iffah.
gamba abell tiada coz dy ngn toyol time ney.
the day ended with me and dayah taking the train back to our respective places. i received an early bday present from all of them. a very cute cupcake! *sorry guys, xsempat tgkp gamba cupcake tu, sdp sgt i da mkn. hee.*
i reached my apartment at 11 something, all hyped up for my coming bday. =)

Friday, September 11, 2009

cuba kau jd aku.

penat2 aku rindu kau sorang, kau bley kuar berlibur sampai pagi. aku bley siap tunggu kau lagi. sampai sekarang pun aku tunggu kau lagi. bley x kau pulangkan orang yang aku kenal? sebab kau yang sekarang x logik langsung untuk aku. macam mane kite bley blaja satu kolej, tapi nak jumpa kau pun susa. jgn salakan aku kalo sala paham. kau yang nak jadi mcm tu. aku da cuba paham kau. tp, sape yg nk paham aku nnt? cara kau layan aku dengan ape yg kau ckp, jaoh bezanye. bley paham x? cuba kau jd aku satu ari.

13 september ney ari jadi aku. kau igt x?
Wishlist for MY bday ;)

1. i wish tht i can spend the whole day with my loved ones( family and friends are a MUST)
2. i want a bday party SO BAD this yr. i guess turning 18 means A LOT to me.
3. i want a BLACKBERRY for my bday. *can ka daddy? huu.* daddy says no to me for ths one already.
4. i want tht day to be a memorable one. i know. i know. mcm silly aje ths wish.
5. i want him to return back to his normal self. pretty plss. i cant keep on trying to mke things better alone.
6. i want him to be there. tht's all.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

OUH, INDAHNYA DUNIA.

i woke up today with a yelling frm my mom. " da pkul 3 da. xkn xnk bgn lg?", she said. ouh how i miss tht voice. sdg sy mamai2, brula sy tersedar yg sy berada di rumah.ngee. it feels good waking up in my own room with the faces tht i'm familiarize with my whole life. yesterday my bus frm pudu was at 9pm and i reached home at 11. nothing changes much at home.except for the absence of my sister who is currently studying in johore and my maid who went back to indonesia. today's the first day i'm not fasting(well, of coz for the legal reason) and i'm actually going to the bazar ramadhan the first time for ramadhan this yr too. pathetic right? i cant find any bazar ramadhan near casa subang lo.

All from yesterday:

holding hands with my invincible bf. =) yeah, aizat's kinda invincible.


me n mimi :caught getting all hyped up with our fones.

usaha mimi tok membatalkan puasa sy. haha.

albrinz's candid while talking to mimi n i.

Friday, September 04, 2009

alien ouh alien yg abduct aizat shamer. pls keep him with u guys. DO NOT return him to me.

malas nk ckp byk. i'm upset tht i didn't get to see HIM before i go back to melaka. he could've just wait another 15 mins, but he didn't. i hve 7 to 8 hrs more before goin back. n i hve chem class after this. ouh, why do i have chem's class at 4 today? or else my day would've been a great one. aghh.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

BALIK RUMAHLA WEY!
my chemist test was hell yesterday. i think i'm gonna fail this time. = haa. neway, i'm still fasting without MC yet, but puase rse cam xde ape when u're away frm home. tht's why i'm all excited to go back to mlk tmrw. cant wait, cant wait. i'll just pray tht i'll get a ticket tmrw nite or even as soon as my class ends at 6. well, its impossible for me to get on the bus as soon as my class ends, coz summit's area is cramped with cars at tht time. i guess i'll hve to wait a lil lter then.

here's the thing. me n haziq had a lil misunderstanding and we're in the no-talking term rite nw, which affected my mood coz aizat's seems to be siding with him. i'm still not over the fact tht i missed the gathering with ninie and aseh yesterday. geram gle xdpt ikot, when haziq and aizat g jmpe dorg. (i was having my chem's test, u see) had a fight with HIM last nite which lasted fr 5 hrs. but we mke up. AGAIN.
okay, here's the pics for my oral presentation..
me and mimi. we had the presentation during english class, but the pics's are taken in the chem's lab. haha.
albrinz and me. *yeah, he's another s'wakian like ween and wawa*
buka puasa time at Fortuna. haziq was treating us all tht time. and, i'm not the one who's wearing white there. that's wawa. i'm wearing the yellow watch. pic ney glap sket, so x clear sgt. thre's wawa, haziq, syazni, me, aizat and ween.