Wednesday, November 25, 2009

beautiful nightmare? tengkorak kau.

this aint funny. i dreamt about u twice already now.consecutively. shoooh! stop pestering me in my dreams, u're not gonna make it sweeter, u're causing me nightmares! and obviously, dark circles under my eyes. but i'm getting better at this. i know how to shut u down completely. i'm lucky i didnt see u face to face. that would be a major disaster. god, i wish next sem will NEVER come. i'm perfectly fine with life now.

chuck bass. come be with me tonight. i'll be waiting~

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

ouh, brother.

my god, i'm so exhausted today! i didnt manage to wake up in time for my morning jog, but i did wake up in time to make lunch for my two lil babies at home. and ohh, did i tell u that its my brother's bday today? i guess i didnt. well, HAPPY 10TH BDAY, SHAFIQ! i'm just about done baking another round of cupcakes. only tht it looked awful this time. ;) no worries, its still eatable.

in two days time, i'll be away. first, back to kl for a day, then a week to kedah for my cousin's wedding. yeah, the break i wanted i believe. i'm really excited to go to kedah as i havent seen my relatives there for like ages. i hope tht they'll still be as warm, loving and fun like before. i'm crossing my fingers, here. hee. bless me with nice pictures, please.

and yesterday, erel finally took me and toncet out for a movie. it was fun, but the movie was totally BORING. guys, dont watch 'the box'. =)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

cuppa cuppa.

sayang, did i miss our date yesterday? i'm sorry, I JUST FORGOT. i spent the whole day having fun, and i get around to finally baking my own cupcakes! i especially made these cute babies for the boys at jasin.

good luck cupcakes.

my mom said, for a first-timer i was doing okay. haha. well, i think so, too.anyway, i had FUN today. mcm da lme gle x balik maktab, but it was good to be there this time. it helps me get over things, ya know? still, i miss my friends a lot while i was there. it feels different to just be there alone, without, i told the boys, they should have fun while they can, there. coz i know that they'll be missing school too when they leave it. yeah, just like i did. ;)

okay, i need to get some sleep. i have to jog tmrw morning. haha. bye guys!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

sisterly affairs.

suddenly home doesnt feel so homey anymore. i thought u could understand what i'm going through, and i thought that u could help me go through this. u are my sister, afterall. i never really did have problems with toncet, she's way more mature than u. u are older than me and toncet, so why cant u just be more mature? grow up, please. i just want the three of us to spend time together. dont u get it? be it going to the movies, baking cupcakes, window shopping, cant we? things are already hard now, please dont make it harder for me.

i wish that u could see, how its killing me everytime we fought. and i wish tht u could just appreciate my efforts. i really tried so hard to get along with u, but its not gonna work if u're not trying too.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


finally, i'm at home. last night, sharina and i did a lot of talking. since i cant sleep at tht time. haha. i dont know what's wrong, but i feel so restless last night.

anyway, today is the first day i'm home and boy, i woke up at 7 am. early huh? i figure tht i'm gonna help out with house chores today. ;) well, kak yanti wont be back here anytime soon. so, why not? to start off my beautiful day, i went for a jog at the park.

new mission: maintain current weight, or shed some pounds. possible? i dont know, i'll just have to try.

after the very exhausting jog,*i havent been exercising since like, FOREVER u know.* i started doing my assigned work.
1. do the laundry
2. cook
3. babysit

yeah, the list is short. but the work, is a lotttttttt. and by 5pm, i'm completely drained.
shakhina, this is only the beginning. =) cheer up would ya?

Monday, November 16, 2009

mati kutu

sisters? no. this is ms farhana. one of the english lecturers in our college. and she's smoking hott. haha.

i need to be at home soon. i needed to be surrounded by people. i really, really, really, need company. there's gotta be more to life than only this right? darn it. hold on.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

i'm counting the hours before i go back to melaka. i mean, i cant wait to go back home, but i feel sad too. subang is like home for me these 4 months. so many things have happened while i'm here. i have good memories, and memories which i wanted to erase here. i know, leaving is the right thing to do. one thing keeps bothering me. will i be able to really forget and embrace the changes here when i come back? only time can tell. things are definitely gonna change by then. and i'm scared. huh.

i am done packing and throwing some old stuff from this semester, and i'm all nostalgic now. shitt. i'm gonna miss all of u, this holiday. its a long one, by the way. till january.

i'm looking forward to spending my time with my siblings at home. ;) back to all the shoutings and yellings tht we used to have at home, i guess.


i've been high having a gossip girl marathon these two days. fuhh. and i'd say, i LOVE blair! haha. she kept me entertained, at least.

last two days, were also my hanging out days. shamil*tgb* came all the way from kedah to meet the guys. he too, was having his long break. so, he hung around before going to labuan.

finally, i'm going back to melaka tomorrow. i'll be back here in subang for raya haji. and no worries, i'll come meet u guys later. ;)
yesterday; sound, shamil, mo, me, apek, koray, and fizi*he's taking the pic*

Thursday, November 12, 2009

keep u much longer

you guys have been there for me all along. through ups and downs, i really appreciate everything tht u did for me. i love u guys, always. i'm listening to akon- keep you much longer. and i really2 wish tht i could keep you guys much longer with me. i cherished every moment of us spent together, and i hope there'll be more. ;)
sisters; toncet and sharina, cousin; nadia
neddy, mamak.
all the way from US; yayang
always there; mimi

mama didie.
aunt ninie and pak ngah.
iffah and din.

all of us; dayah, iffah and adeeb.

this little one keeps me going; baby sofia.
attn: these pictures are from my personal collection. some of you guys might not be featured here, because of lack of pictures from my collection.
attn2: apek, anne, sofea, haliq, adam and everyone else whom i forgot, thank you for being there for me too.


spent the whole day with housemates and friends. jalan2, makan2, watch movie together.we watched 'pisau cukur', and i fell in love with shah reza. =)


a day out with my dearest cousin, nadia. mimi tagged along, but her pics in her phone, so i cant upload now. hehe. basically, we did the same thing in mid. makan2, jalan2, watch movie. and we watched phobia 2, which was scary at first, but damn funny towards the end. nadia and i talked a lot, about things happening now in our lives and about old times. i realized how i miss the old times, happy times, good times with my loved ones. who wouldn't?

Monday, November 09, 2009

dark circles.

thanks to mimi for the fact that he doesnt exist on my fb and ms anymore. i know myself. i will definitely stalk his page, find out wht he's doing, how's he's feeling and of course, in the end i'm the one who's gonna get hurt. not knowing about him at all makes me feel okay. so friends, i'll appreciate it very much if u dont tell me wht u see in his fb page or ms page. just know one thing, i'm trying so hard to erase him from my life. its not easy, most of the time i find myself missing all the good times we shared. STUPID, yeah. so, to forget everything is the best way. i'm putting myself in a different circle from him. and i dont want our circles to meet. ever.

subang ni takla sebesar mne. i saw wht i dont wanna see most just now. my heart's strong though, it just keeps telling me to move forward, and never stop. well, it was nice seeing u together with her. ;) i'm glad tht u're happy at least. okay. one circle for u, and one for me. let's not cross each other's path okay? i had apologized to u yesterday, and i think everything's settled now.

p/s: i told mo yesterday, a great way to distract myself is by having a GREAT SEX with a freaking hot gigolo. =PP
well, tht's not gonna happen, sadly. haha.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

heavy bones.

direct translation to: berat tulang. last day of finals is on monday and i'm damn lazyyyyy. all i do now is sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep eat. i might end up becoming a PIG if this continues. chemistry is tough for me, but bio is okay. and, and, and, i'm having both papers on monday. GILA.

tp, x sabar nk abes exam. serious x sabar. i can sleep and never wake up then. ;) urghh. please, hold on just for a little while. i can do this. yeahhhhhh.

Friday, November 06, 2009


hairankah bila anda di passing2 di kalangan rakan2 nya dan juga abangnya? "okay. korg bley try ex girlfriend aku sekarang, kalo dapat, bagosla. aku dah tak nak dye lg". hairankah bila anda pernah mendengar si dia berkata begitu kepada rakan2nya suatu ketika dahulu? ketika itu anda tidak ambil kisah kerana ex girlfriend si dia bukanlah anda. hari ney anda kisah.

dunia ini menakutkan rupenye. terasa ingin lari jaoh ke tempat yang tiada orang kenal sy, mahupun si dia. no, this is not what i wanted. i wanted to start over, to forget, to move on. i dont need to be reminded of u in any way. so please, stop asking them to test me. u should know very well i had loved u truely before this. i dont need to be humiliated anymore. enough of that okay? just leave me alone, and accept this the way it is.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

ice, ice baby.

let both of u guys cool down first.
someone told me tht. i didnt understand, wht it means in the beginning. but it make sense to me now. i had wondered, why am i feeling shitty and stuff. its only the beginning right? i'm starting over, thts why its hard. all i need is time. days will go to weeks. weeks will go to months. and i'll feel better by then. no point in me being mad, it just shows how i refuse to let go of things between us. i've been thinking a lot about this, and i even get scolded for being soft-hearted.hee. give me some time guys, i needed tht more than anything. =)

i'm going to leave everything here after my finals. i had intended to go travelling, maybe with my little sister. yeahh, i'll get away from all of this and have some peace of mind. my last paper is on monday, 9th november. till then, i'm gonna just stay here, and BE HAPPY. ;)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

shades lacoste. nak?

haha. gamba yg hodoh bodoh.

i wanted to be happy. i tried so hard, from this afternoon until now, to forget how i had treated him. but i kept on thinking, whether i had done the right thing just now. yes, my friends said tht he deserved it, but why ouh why is my heart so soft? i know tht its stupid to still care about him, but thts how my brain function, sadly. penat taw kne mara dgn rakan2 sbb kesiankn dye. =) i know u guys care about me, and dont wanna see me hurt again. thank you so much. i'll bear tht in mind everytime i feel sorry for him okay.

aaaaah. letting it all out, feels so good. okay, i'll start studying now. ;))


it is complicated when it's concerning FRIENDS. we've been in the same circle of friends, having fun together and all. of course, when things end up like this, its ugly. i dont blame them for seeing only bad things in me. they're his friends, and obviously they hated the things i wrote about him. get this point straight. dont u guys understand, that its hurting me too, to write things like that about the person i had once loved, and still in love with?dont u guys understand, that its hurting me, everytime i treat him bad? dont u guys understand, tht i had used all the strength tht i have just to face him again? i dont want things to end like this either. i had given him the choice, but he'd chosen to end it the rough way.

have u guys ever seen me cry for him? i bet u havent. because if all of u are good friends of mine, u would've known how much i had cried for him, how many sleepless nights i had have, and most of all, u guys would've known how much i had loved him all this while. its hurting me either way. cant u see? treating him bad hurts, ignoring him hurts, remembering the way he had treated me, hurts too. walking away from him hurts me so much, only mimi saw me being weak and cry. all i ever wanted is for him to be happy. and so i'm leaving him for good. being friends with each other wont help both of us, he should've known that. he should've think abt my feelings too, how it would've hurt me to see him again. haish.

nope. i'm not tht strong. the only way tht i'm surviving, is by pretending to be strong. its too long a wait for these wounds to heal, yeah. i can only pretend tht i'm all healed up now, to protect myself from being harmed further.there, i've said it all. i've failed to be a superwoman.

wow. wayang free!

maths exam is finally over. throughout the examination, i was having a really hard time to concentrate as he was sitting just a few seats in front of me. "xpela, kuatkn hati. jgn patah smgt." is all i keep repeating to myself. coz seriously, i dont wanna see his face ever. saket, taw x? okay, the paper was quite okay. easier than expected. i was satisfied with wht i wrote on the paper. lps abes exam, i pun chow tros cpt2. luckily mimi was reacting faster than me, and she ushered me out of the hall in an instant.

drama rtm bermula bila sy dan mimi berjalan ke pyramid. nk mkn disane and tros balik ruma, plan kami. all of a sudden, there's a hand jerking my right arm. "babi, terkejot aku!" was all tht came out of my mouth. it was aizat. i jerked my arm free, and i walked away. but he would not let me go. he said tht he wanted to talk. jadi, adegan tarek2 lengan berlanjutan utk beberapa ketika. yg menariknye, adegan ini disaksikan oleh org ramai. hingga ade yg berkate, "wahaaa, wayang free oi ari ney!". and i let him talk after tht. he asked why havent i been answering his phone calls and text messages. simple. i told him tht i dont want anything to do with his life anymore. rse cam nk jerit FUCK OFFFFFF je kuat2 time tu. tp adalah tidak sopan ye, berkelakuan spt itu di khalayak ramai. he keeps on saying tht he dont want tht, and begged for me to at least be his friend. i said no. i cant. and i left him there. he chased after me with his car, but i walked away. i dont know him, u see. he's a stranger. xkan nk berhenti and ckp ngn stranger?? hell, no. lalala~ go on, dream about it. ;P

i was ur BEST FRIEND, but did u ever appreciate me before? i cared about u more than anyone else before, do u remember? now, go on. live ur life the way u had intended to. and i'll live mine, HAPPILY without u. by the way, when i said, "kosong2 okay?" what i really mean was,"get the hell out of my life, sucker." get tht now? thank you, i love u too. muuuuaaaaahx! =P haha.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

roda, ouh roda.

stop calling and texting me, aizat. i wont be answering, and i wont be replying okay? i told u tht its gonna be ur loss, not mine. so u're begging me now? u're a funny guy, u know. u SHOULD be thankful tht i had forgiven u. and now u're asking for more? come on, stop being selfish. u're trying to use me again for ur own good. worse than that, my heart is aching so bad everytime u do tht. please stop. i dont owe u anything, and i expect u to understand tht.

go meet ur math teacher, she'd be more than glad to help u. its not tht i dont wanna help u, but u're really asking for too much. and u're being a jerk all over again, thank you. good luck for our maths paper tmrw. we both can do this without each other. ;)

here's a question for all of u. how the hell am i suppose to throw my love away? it just stayed there, i love and care about him still. but not to worry, i wont ever go back to be his slave anymore. enough of tht, i'm immune to all his deceiving words now.

Monday, November 02, 2009


okay. this is not good. the day after tomorrow is my finals. and i think i'm about to have a fever. i've been out the whole day today, accompanying mimi to do her passport and i reach home at 10pm just now. it was raining almost the whole day, and i 'm feeling sick. ouh please, i dont wanna be sick now. i need to score for my finals. no one would care about me now, if i'm sick. everyone's gonna be busy studying. and i dont wanna be a burden to everyone. haish.

guys,pray tht i'll get better soon yeah?

kau aku

its funny tht when u apologize to me, i cn feel tht u're not sincere. u're lucky though, tht i really2 did forgive u. and u asked me to teach u maths for ur finals? wht the heck? lets be clear. i told u tht i dont ever wanna see ur face ever. so, go look up in the dictionary whtver tht means. and, do stop texting me. coz lets face this. i know u too well now, tht whtever u say doesnt give much effect on me. i didnt even bother wishing tht it was true at all. saying 'i love u forever' doesnt help either. it just shows how desperate u are to pass ur maths examination. hey, i'm not mean u know. i had sacrificed my time, and i had taught u a lot when we're together. now, go find someone else to teach u. i dont have time to waste for u anymore. however, i pray tht all of us will do well for our finals. =)

see, i told u to appreciate me. now u lose a good friend who cares about u, and a teacher, who's very dedicated.

it was true when i told u tht i dont know who u are anymore. u became a total stranger when u treat me tht way the other day. and i cant be friends with a stranger, u see. does it all make sense to u now? let me go. i want to be happy. my heart's healing fast, so dont u dare delay the process. i forgive u, just fucking go, okay.

Sunday, November 01, 2009


mom called last night, she talked to me a lot. i havent been able to tell her the whole story, coz i was afraid tht i would cry so bad. it would've hurt her, and i would've never want tht to happen. and so i told her tht everything was okay, and for her not to worry. she made me laugh, i just cant help it. she really knows how to be silly at times. she asked me to forgive, and move on with life. which is exactly the thing tht i'm doing now. ouh, how she understands. i know i had wronged her a lot. being the stubborn child i am. i wish i could take back all the nasty words i had said to her before this. because in the end, she's the one who comforted me and make me feel tht everything's okay.

i had stopped crying altogether. her words played repeatedly in my head.i'll never let u down this time, mom. i promise u this. i know how much u care, and i wanted to make u proud. u had noticed me changing when i met him, and know now tht i'll be ur little girl once again. ;)

thank you mom. i might not say this a lot, but i love u so much.