Sunday, April 18, 2010

lost my muchness have i?

its sunday and i'm already back here in subang. i have anther 10 days mc but i just cant afford missing out so much before my finals. and mufy is coming to an end. i am certain that there's a lot of things that are different for me this sem. i definitely have given my all, i've been tested physically and mentally, and i sure hope for good things to bloom from my effort. kan?

i dont know why, but i finally realized that i've lost my "muchness" and whatever it is that makes myself who i am today. yeah, i know. they say that people change. if not for the better, maybe for worse. as for me, i change for the worse. losing my "muchness" for more than two years had cause me to lose opportunities, my dreams just slipped away, and i settled for something less than what i deserve. i wish i could tell all of you that i haven't divert from my path. sadly, i have. i wasnt like this when i was younger. i was lively, excellent, active, just about everything. i was much, much more than this. thinking back now, i wonder, where have all my "muchness" go?

it couldnt have just dissapear in thin air right? it must be there, right inside of me. all i have to do is just dig it back out. i want my muchness back! i dont wanna be just good, but excellent in whatever that i am doing. i need to revert back to my old self. i need to think more, and act less on instinct or lust. but how to do that actually?

well, i'll be taking babysteps then till i can finally walk and run again. my "muchness" will come back to me then.

here's another thing that i'll definitely miss. my clear skin and soft hair. this picture was taken two years ago.

and the person next to me is someone i'll always miss and love. :)


Anonymous said...

jeje... hrmmmm.. i pown x tau mcm mne nk respon to this.. bcoz lps bce nieh blek.. i thnk we're facing the same problem.. ahahahaha.. its ok... its never too late to chnge back isnt it? we can do it..we just hve to keep strong... i noe we can!

bout ur soft hair and skin 2h.. jeje! u are still that person okeyh... wut the heck? u're much2 more beautiful now than b4... trust me.. i noe wut im talking about

Nur Shakhina Ahmad said...

yeahh. thanks mama! but still, i'm worried about the scars. btw, imy!!