Sunday, May 09, 2010
these days i rarely stayed at home after college. i'm with hilmey all the time, not because i'm dating him or anything like that. its just that we have a lot of things to do together. so, my absence might have cause some of my closest friends here to feel like i've abandoned them for some guy. it hurts me, when things like this happen. mimi, merah and diana's birthday is within one week range, and i've worked so hard to plan for their surprise birthday party. keeping it a secret is one thing, handling the presents, food and stuff is another. i dont really mind handling these stuff although its a week before my finals, i'm just whining because when something goes wrong i'm the one who's blamed.
imagine right after college i'll be out until 2 in the morning? when i got back home, i'll do my homework till 3.30 before waking up at 6 for class the next day. that's practically my schedule this week.i think i deserve to whine right? its not fair to think that i'm selfish, when all that i was trying to do was trying to make the party a huge success. maybe because its the fact that they didnt know in the first place.but i noticed the distance lately. i'm tired, i really am. with things to do with hilmey, the party stuff, present hunting, spending time with my gay friend, exams, family problems, there's really too many things on my plate now. i'm juggling stuff, because i'm not willing to miss anything. last night i missed the birthday countdown because i was stucked in jam with hilmey while present hunting for the girls. yeah, i've forgotten the slice of cake they ordered. i'm human, not a robot, for God's sake! present hunting for 3 person, took me the whole day. i did it alone, and yet i'm the one you assumed selfish?
sometimes i just wonder, what is it that's lacking? haven't i done enough? i love everyone, so why cant everyone love me the same?