Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Happy birthday, suga.

Its the first day I’m seeing Hilmey after my infamous “I got rejected” breakdown. Well, I thought it was going to be super awkward, but luckily it wasn’t! haha. I met him for awhile just now, and we both acted normal. Even before that, we texted as usual. Fuhh. I’m glad it didn’t exactly ruin our friendship. :)

Anyway, now I can finally concentrate on his coming birthday tomorrow. *which also means tonight, at 12.

So, I’m meeting Syida to get details on whatever plan there is tomorrow. As for my personal gift, I just made him a card. Mimi said that it might not be a good idea to get him a gift, since maybe he’d think that I have feelings for him for sure. Lol. I know. Its kinda complicated. I hope that he likes it though. The card, the surprise, the everything! I’m crossing my fingers for the best tomorrow. hee.

I’ll update on the birthday and stuff later, okay. Nak pegi makan dlu. I puase ganti. btw. =P

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Things that I least expected

Remember about the confession thingy the other day? Hilmey didn't really gave a response at that time kan?

This morning he texted me.

Well, first of all, I reach home at 5 in the morning. And of course I didn't read the message until much later. His message basically says:
1. he's sorry for responding a lil too late.
2. he likes me, but he cant love me.
3. he wanted to stay friends.
4. he didn't know why he OVERCARED about me.
5. overall he's sorry for everything.


With him making clear that he didn't feel the same way was one thing. To think that I could lose a close friend was another. I wasn't even wide awake when I read the message. I started crying immediately. I didn't really think that it mattered that much to me in the beginning, whether he likes me or not. That's why I didn't expect to feel like this. I didn't realize that it ACTUALLY matters. Then I realize that I ACTUALLY love him. It wasn't just a crush, it wasn't just an infatuation, it wasn't just me liking some random guy, but I love him, really. And sadly, he's in love with someone else.

I know everything will go back to normal after his birthday party, but what about my feelings? It'll never go back to normal. As much as I wish that I could actually turn back time, what is already said cant simply be taken back. I wish that I have no answer in the first place, but then, having an answer is much better than to keep wondering.

So what's left for me now is to move on. And that's why I need these.

Please buy me a bucket of these, thank you.

I'll cry for some time until then.

Friday, July 23, 2010

What if, you said it first?

What is the one thing that's keeping me sane these days? Well, you guys could've guessed the answer, I'm sure of that. Hilmey la of course. And it is no longer a secret that I kinda like him, right? That is why in the previous post I had mentioned walking away from him hurts, macam putus cinta. Haha. I did something funny, and stupid today. Ughh. Up until now, I still am in denial to what I did, really.

Here goes.

Next week, on 29th of July, is Hilmey's birthday. So, the kids planned on making him miserable this whole week, and we're gonna do a surprise birthday party for him on his birthday. My task, was simple. I just need to bother him everyday, telling him that I have a huge problem. That problem MUST give him a headache.

And, I have no idea what problem I'm suppose to create. Then, I thought of something. I thought, maybe if I confess that I have feelings for him, he'll have enough headache to last for a week! ( which is stupid, I know. because I ACTUALLY LIKED HIM.) but, I thought it was a good enough idea since next week he'll know that its not true, (although its true la.) and he'll never know the truth if it goes bad.

God, I NEVER in my whole entire life, say to a guy, that I actually like him. (meaning that, I say it first, not him, get it?) My face was terribly hot, and I feel like I'm coming down with fever when I actually confessed. And God knows how embarrassing it iwas! I literally feel like dying that instant! I risked my friendship with him, and everything we had, at that very moment. I was lucky that he reacted normally, and understood what I felt for him.


He actually didn't comment on my statement. Which kinda shows that he's not having the same feelings. I asked about the girl I assumed was his girl, but he just said that she's his best friend. Nahh, I dont think that it's the truth though. They were really close, I couldn't have guessed wrong. I was devastated, but glad at the same time. I get to let my feelings out, and next week he'll just think that its some funny prank I played on him.

There's finally an answer to what I keep wondering. Is there really gonna be a chance for us? Now I know for sure, there's none. Its one sided, and I know that I can move on without pondering on the possibilities, otherwise. ;)

Nice plan, huh?

So, saje nak dramatic, upload our pics together. Konon konon kecewa.
Okay, tipu. Memang kecewa. (-_-')

Anyway, I know that he'll always be a good friend of mine. No matter what changes after this, I won't regret ever expressing what I feel in the first place. Why lie to yourself kan?


At least I feel better now. hee.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

And so, we have to say goodbye.

Yeah, finally I managed to squeeze in some time to update my dusty blog. Haish, I gotta admit, living with the internet on my mobile phone is simply not enough. I kinda miss seeing webpages in its original size, not the shrunken ones!

Anyway, about a week ago, on 15th of July 2010 at Sunway Hotel Resort & Spa almost all of us MUFY kids, gathered for a dinner and our graduation. On the day itself, I remembered last minute dress hunting and last minute showering, make up, yada yada yada. Mimi came with her parents and I tag along. :) We arrived half an hour late, and the registration tables are already emptied. ( You could just assume that we crashed the dinner, actually.)

The dinner was great, a six course meal, I believe, and I especially love the dessert. Honey dew and yucky stuff, but it tasted so good! So, we grab our certs of completion, take some pictures and leave. Nothing much happened that day, not so much drama whatsoever, but it was fun seeing everyone after such a long time. :)

Now, enough of chit chatting. Here are the not so awesome pics!

The fitting session. Must be awful for Mimi, several shops I believe, had been messed up that day, just to find the so called "perfect dress". Not so perfect la in the end, thanks to my flabby arms.
Myself and the gay friend of mine. (He's not gay actually, its just an inside joke).I haven't seen him in ages! Okay, I'm exaggerating. We both had been busy with classes and all, so we barely had time to catch up. haha.

Ladies in blue! I wonder why all of us had come up with dresses of the same colour. It was nice though. Ade gang kan? hehehe.

Meerah, Mimi and I. in between photo taking sessions. lol. ;P

My dates on that night.
Nahhhhhh. Just the guys who tends to turn my world upside down. From left, Iman, myself, Khairin, (I dont know the bald guy), and Julian.
Okayy. Enough of grad stories. Well, let's talk about my sakai looking hair after a 10 mins haircut. Like what? :(

See for yourself. Aiyo.
Dear hair, please grow much faster this time, I won't cut you off as ugly as this. I promise. :)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Yeah, all I need is you.

I shall write less from now on. Why? Well, mainly because I've moved into a new house(yet again), this time somewhere even dodgier from casa subang. And in this very ugly looking house, there's no internet yeah. Me and my housemates are living surrounded by pakistanis and bangladeshians. Danggggg, I'm hitting my head even harder now, since I can't even process the fact that my life has downgrade so much this few months. And JPA isn't helping either. I wonder why does it takes forever just to bank in the money to us poor kids! Life sucks big time without money. Like, sucks sucks sucks!

Well, enough of that.

Have you guys been to the I-CITY? Well, if you're from Shah Alam especially, you must've been there a thousand times at least! Only me, Si Jakun, finally went there last week. This time, I went there with Hilmey, Ikin, Syida and Yan. :)

Okay, the deer looks familiar. Remember my post back then, when I visited a place in Melaka with lighted animal replicas? Yeah, its pretty much the same.

This place gives off Winter Sonata vibe. HAHAHA.

Syida with a blurry picture. Credits to me, for the shaky hands. hehehe.

Finally, a picture of myself. DARKEN. Thanks to Hilmey anyway for taking me there.

It was a great night as I remembered. All of us had fun bonding and cheering each other up. I wish for things to be the same now. :(

Here's the thing. Hilmey and I are not really on good terms now, partly because I've decided to walk away from him. It saddens me not texting him or calling him or seeing him. Yet, I know I've set my feet down on this matter. I guess I just have to deal with it then.

Shit. Why does it feel like I'm having a bad break up? I'm not even in a relationship with him, for God sakes! Well, I don't even know what to think now. But it kinda hurt me, being away from him and all. Let it be lah kan?

Okay, this post is awfully long. So, bear with me in the next post as I write about MUFY Grad Night 2010. Till then, Albrinz, stop blog-stalking me and posting it up on fb okay? I'll smack you if you ever do that next time. ;)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Yeah, how time flies. In less than two days I'm heading back to college. Opps, correction. Its University now. I've been busy settling my Uni fees, and getting ready these days. Its like entering a new school all over again. Although I'm pretty sure that I'll be seeing a lot of familiar faces in Monash, but I'm kinda thrilled to start anew. Lets go MANHUNTING, ladies!! Nahh, I'm kidding. I know there'll be nothing much to find in Monash anyway. :)

BTW, I went to Monash for the first time the other day. And it was HUGE, and awesome, andddddd well, everything to do with awesomeness laaa. I cant wait to get started! I know I'm gonna end up being super busy, but nevermindddddd. I'll deal with it.

I guess that's it for now. Nak makan doraemon cake anyone?

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Mi Casa. Casa Impian? LOL

Two days ago, I came back to Melaka. Tumpang Apek, had him wait for me for four hours since I had to take care of a few things first, before I leave. So, I arrived at 3 am and booom, went to bed straight.

It's very weird coz the next morning my mom called me.*like on my handphone okay. I picked up, and she was mad, ayat dah nak menyumpah. Tanye I, bila nak balik Melaka, yada yada yada. Then only I remembered. I didn't tell her that I got back home already. hehe. It was pretty late when I reached home, she was asleep and I went straight to bed, what do you expect? Anyway, she tak jadi get mad, when I'm home already rupenye. haha. :))

That was only the beginning of the days i spent at home. I think my mom is determined to make me fatter than I already am currently. She feeds me continuously with delicious food, junk food, ice creams, you name it. My spare tyre not only doubled, but tripled in just two days! Imagine that. Its not a bad thing, considering that she cared a lot about me and sharina. She's at home too, having her 1 week holidays. Dad came home too, and he bought a lot of fruits for us! Durians, mangosteen, woohoo! Aww, it was so sweet of them to get whatever it is that we want to eat. :)) And in a way, it shows me how much they misses me. :(

It felt terrible as I'll be leaving tomorrow back to Subang. I know I'll miss the people at home much more this time, as I'm about to start my degree and stuff. Ouh why d we have to grow up?

p/s: I baked Chocolate Lava Cake today! It was awfully good, especially while eating it with vanilla ice cream. hehehe. Mom loves it, which makes me feel good at least.

Dragons, the kids, and I

This happened two weeks ago. For three days in a row me and the kids from One went to Putrajaya Water Sport Area in support of this:

Well, the main theme for the event was to work on our tan! hahaha. Nahhh, its a continuous race for participating team, from all over the globe. We did send a team to participate as well! Although we didn't get to win the race, but its a valuable experience for all of us to be a part of this major event, especially since One is the gold sponsor. :)

Spending three days in the blazing heat, my face is super tan now! but i think its recovering laa. *more whitening products, please? I had a great time those days, and its one of the highlights of my holidays. And so, moving on to the pictures. I bet some of you guys already noticed it on fb! hahaha, still, I thought I should upload it.

Us, in a tight circle. The clowns of my life lately. Hilmey, Taro, and Syed.

The One poster, its like everywhere! Aiyo. This time with Erfan, Hilmey, Syida and Syed.

Ngahahaha. I'd love this picture MORE if I was caught jumping too! Problem is, I cant jump too high, see? Huu. It's Taro, Erfan and Syida who were jumping high enough for the camera. (-_-")

I was wearing flats, and my feet now got belang weyyy. Haish.