Remember about the confession thingy the other day? Hilmey didn't really gave a response at that time kan?
This morning he texted me.
Well, first of all, I reach home at 5 in the morning. And of course I didn't read the message until much later. His message basically says:
1. he's sorry for responding a lil too late.
2. he likes me, but he cant love me.
3. he wanted to stay friends.
4. he didn't know why he OVERCARED about me.
5. overall he's sorry for everything.
AND NOW I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF.
With him making clear that he didn't feel the same way was one thing. To think that I could lose a close friend was another. I wasn't even wide awake when I read the message. I started crying immediately. I didn't really think that it mattered that much to me in the beginning, whether he likes me or not. That's why I didn't expect to feel like this. I didn't realize that it ACTUALLY matters. Then I realize that I ACTUALLY love him. It wasn't just a crush, it wasn't just an infatuation, it wasn't just me liking some random guy, but I love him, really. And sadly, he's in love with someone else.
I know everything will go back to normal after his birthday party, but what about my feelings? It'll never go back to normal. As much as I wish that I could actually turn back time, what is already said cant simply be taken back. I wish that I have no answer in the first place, but then, having an answer is much better than to keep wondering.
So what's left for me now is to move on. And that's why I need these.
Please buy me a bucket of these, thank you.
I'll cry for some time until then.