Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Some things are just too painful to say out loud.

For me to start writing is so difficult, when there's a lot of things that's been happening. I dont even know where to begin. I feel so numb, so empty. I can't cry, because it seems like something's stuck in my throat, I just can't let it out. ;(

I have no one I can talk to now, I just realized that. It seems like my friend are all busy living their own world, to be concerned about mine. And I just ended my friendship with Hilmey yesterday, which makes it all worse. I just decided that it's best for me to not be friends with someone who's only there to use me for his own benefits. Its really not my cup of tea. I grew tired of him, not being there for me and lying to me about things. He was supposed to be my friend. I dont need another manipulative liar in my life, that's why I told him I couldn't be his friend anymore.

As soon as I reach home yesterday, Mum told me that Dad had a second wife. It didn't come out as a shock, because I always knew that he had another woman. It breaks my heart when I have to hear it from my Mum, and not from him. I'll never forget the look on my Mum's face when she told me that.She's trying so hard to keep it all together, but I know that she must be broken inside to face the fact that my dad's unfaithful. She told me that he was married for three years, and that she knew all along but still kept it a secret. Poor her. I can't ever imagine myself being in her shoes. She said that she kept it a secret so that all of us won't hate Dad. Besides, my brothers were too young to know at that time. They were just kids, and even now I dont think that they're ready with this thing on their plate.

What I noticed at home is that my brothers are skipping school a lot. and by a lot, i mean really A LOT. Two days at least, per week. They're doing terrible in their exams, and they rebel a lot. I can't help but put the blame on my Dad somehow. When I was their age, I had my Dad everyday. He'll scold me if I were to skip school, and I had him with me to help me do my homework, yada yada. But its different for my lil brothers now. My dad will be home once or twice a week. They didn't seem to be getting that much attention from him, and I hated that. I think that its unfair for them to grow up without a dad by their side. And I'm devastated since there's nothing that I can do to make it all better. ;(

One thing I know for sure. My family is always gonna be my priority, no matter what. I've come a long way to realize that nothing else matter, as long as I have them. I really hope we can make this work somehow. Mom, Dad, I love you no matter what. Thank you for making me the person I am now. I am forever grateful for bringing me into this world. Whatever it is, lets get through this together, yeah?

married for 25 years.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Quick one

Its 2.30 am and I cant sleep. I'm going back to Melaka tomorrow, and I'm in a mess these days. ;( I can't wait to go back, and forget about the unnecessary stuffs I need to think about over here. The date for him leaving is drawing near, and I feel awful with each passing day. I hope the feeling will go away when he finally leaves. (-______-)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Smile, get on with it.

Oh. My. God. I am currently busy with tons of assignments and lab reports plus quizzes due soon. But, one good news. I'm having my mid term break starting saturday! It's just one week though. Still, I'm glad that I get to have a few days off from all the hecticness in Monash. I'll be going back to Melaka next week on Tuesday, since I have a replacement lab on that day. Will be back here on Saturday morning since I have to go to work. Hee. Work's not that awful, so I'm not complaining.

I am also still counting down days to which I'll be temporarily rich. Same old, same old. Waiting for my scholar money.

The thing on my mind right now. MONEY.MONEY.MONEY. (-___-')

Monday, September 20, 2010

You can buy labels, but you can't buy style.

Lately my working days had taken most of my time, and my life seems to be a lot happier while I'm working too. Which leads to me being in heaven because:


Yes, seriously. The boutique where I'm currently working have men and ladies section. I usually took care of the ladies section. But sometimes I got assigned t the men's section. Believe me, it was heaven! One, because the boutique where I'm working mostly sells trendy pieces for guys, *clue: most guys love this brand.* which also means that the guys purchasing here mostly are uber stylish men. ;))

Why I love taking care of the fitting room? Because I get to see glimpse of half naked guys changing. Okayyyy, NO. Thats not ENTIRELY true. But I can hardly see an ugly guy in there, what's not to love? Mostly I get good looking guys, or the not so good looking guys. hehe.

Enough of that, I'm explaining this since Mama Didie asked. Nope, mama. Not my new boyfriend for the status "he's so cute I'm gonna die!" lol.

On another not so important thing, Arick, the 'kakak' in the boutique started calling me pisau cukur for quite awhile now. Not because I am one, just because I look like one. Err, I dont think so. Mintak simpang. He said that it was kind of a compliment. Kudos to that. ;)

So on Saturday, I get to go to one of the girls open house! Finally I get to attend one, kalau tak, kempunan.

More eating sessions, equals to me gaining all the pounds I shed in Ramadhan. With Diana, Aisyah and Miza.

I have no idea why I look so dark in this one. With Mimi, Diana and Aisyah.

Okay, finally I have sent the JPA's agreement. It'll take about one month plus to be processed and I'll only get my allowance by then. Hopefully it wont take longer than that. I'm trying to settle off my debts soon. ;(

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Now you're gone.

I just found out about something just now. I guess that's why they say, be careful what you wished for. I remembered wishing in frustration for that certain someone to be gone. So it came as a shock to me that I finally get what I was wishing for.

The only problem is, I dont wish for it as much now. Honestly, thats how I'm feeling now. I never thought that I'd be affected this bad, but yeahh I'm kinda sad. God, its been a year. I thought I'm gonna be much stronger. Anyway, as usual I'll be pressing the OFF button to everything and do what I do best in a moment like this. BE HAPPY. ;)

"What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces."

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Birthday girl run amok

Hey, ex-birthday girl here.

This post comes rather late as I was totally immensing myself in downloading songs, anddd yeah. So, yesterday after class, the girls and I went to pyramid(again) to celebrate my birthday. It was rather a simple but joyous celebration and I'm thankful for such great friends! :) We ate at my favorite place, Ayam Penyet Ria and watched Resident Evil 4: Afterlife. The movie was okay, and I can't wait for the next one! hehe.

There's nothing much to tell about my birthday. To begin with, I fought with my sisters plus cousin and they end up not wishing me at all. Kinda sad, but they made it up to me today. It turned out that they went to get the bestest birthday presents of all! Loads of it, in fact. ;D

This is us at penyet. See how chubby I look? Raya just started and I am already gaining so much weight!

These are about all my presents. Thank you so much! I love you girls so much! Hilmey gave me a card plus duet raya and my uncle got me the blouse.

I love this year's birthday so much as I get to spend it with my family and friends! hee. Mum wished me so early in the morning, and I feel so full of love for the rest of the day. ;)

Lastly, hope its not too late for me to wish all of you SELAMAT HARI RAYA! Maaf kalau ada menyakitkan hati or buat salah pada sesiapa, yeah? Kosong- kosong okay?


Monday, September 13, 2010

Say, All the Happy Things

Birthday girl writing here. By analyzing the picture above, I am looking very happy indeed. Here's a quick update on what I've been doing while I'm missing from my favorite page.

Well, first of all, I did get myself a BOYFRIEND. And, I am also currently single.Some of you might be wondering, "Hows that?" Ermm, See I left him a couple of days ago, for irreconcilable differences. Lol. (-.-) Dont even ask me who is he, coz I dont even feel like he's worth telling about.

Next, will be the more exciting thing. Raya of course! This year, The Ahmadsss celebrated raya in Melaka. Grandma, uncle, aunt and her family was there as well. That was the first time my family hosted raya gathering, and mind you it was tiring! Anyway, it was all worth it to get to have friends over for first day of raya. Apek and Hilmey came over and I'm glad that I could see Apek. Its been awhile since I last saw him. :)

Moving on, second day of raya was my working day! *which technically means, triple pay. hehe. Of course I left home for KL early in the morning just in time to get to work. I just love working where I am now, thank God! ;) The people's good, and the pay too, alhamdulillahhh.

I shall stop ranting about stuffs and get back to the day! Its my birthday people, and I'm crossing my fingers for all the good things. ;)

I promise I'll update later today okay?

Birthday girl.

p/s: Its only once a year that a girl can call herself birthday girl, so I'm drowning myself in it. hehe.