Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Friend-zoned

This isn't new news, or anything like that. People close to me would've known that I  friend-zoned someone last year, my best friend. Yup. That's right. THAT best friend. If you guys noticed, I haven't wrote about him much since last year and I wasn't planning on writing about the friend-zone incident, but I've been keeping this bottled up until one fine day, this day, I finally exploded!

You know how they say once you're friend-zoned, your friendship will die either way? Well, from self-experiencing it, that is very true. If you take it to another level, and things don't work out, you two will definitely become strangers. Had I known things will come to this, I wouldn't have gotten so close to him in the first place. If I had known feelings will develop, and hearts will be broken, I wouldn't have pour my hearts out to him and go to him everytime I'm in crises.

I've become too attached to him, too close to him, too comfortable around him and he became the closest friend I had. I told him things I wouldn't dream of telling others, and I liked our friendship. No pretense, just me being myself and I was so grateful for such a friend. Becoming strangers now just doesn't make sense. It is one of the saddest things I had to go through in life.Losing him is unfair. Life's always a bitch then.

I remembered when he first confesses. It was so surreal I remembered thinking that I was dreaming! I was happy that night, but confused as well. I didn't know whether I had feelings for him, or I just love him as a dear friend. But I accepted him anyway, and decided to give it a try. Turned out it was the wrong call. I love him, that is true, but apparently just as a very dear friend. And I realized that way too late. I'm sure he was very hurt when I told him the truth, but I figured we could go back to the way things were. To the old us.

I figured wrong.

He drifted away and away from me. I tried so hard to keep in contact at first, but it always seem like he's avoiding me. We ended up not seeing each other for more than seven months. Until one day, in June I met him once during my semester break. Once again, I tried to save what was left of our friendship.

I guess I failed.

That was the last time I saw him. Now, we barely texted. Now, we don't talk to each other anymore. Now, I can't go to him everytime I need to whine and whenever I need comforting. I used to depend on him so much. But now, I'm on my own. Now, I don't have anyone to talk to. I lost the one person that I care about. Now, I am a one lonely bitch.

I am writing this because I'm mad that our friendship's in the drain now. I'm mad that he ever confesses. I am mad that things can't be saved. I know that it is very selfish of me to want things to go back to normal, but I just can't help it. I still think of him as a dear friend, and I still love him. I guess he just didn't feel the same way.Thinking of how close we were, how he was there for me everytime, the present us just doesn't make sense. It makes me think that all those times when I thought that he was being such a great friend, he was doing it because he wanted to be more than friends. Now that I just wanna be friends, he doesn't treat me like a good friend anymore. To him, I was a mere girl he didn't get to have. I thought he was different. I guess I thought too highly of him.

In the end, guys will always be guys. Guys will always stand tall with their ego. In the end, the one getting hurt is me.

Someone's crying while writing this. Such a crybaby.

Somewhere Only We Know

Its been awhile since I last listened to this song. I stumbled across a remake of this song on youtube, and it brought tears to my eyes! Max Schneider sang it so beautifully! I became a fan that instant. :)


Someone's lazy

Yup, thats me!! I'm still caught up in the Raya syndrome, and I simply refuse to get out of it. My assignments due this week is crazy hard, and I've been putting off doing it. God help me get through this week please! I'm having my PMS, which is not good to add to the pile of stress. And, I've recently became such a lonely bitch, so I am always demotivated, and my weight issues isn't helping either! Have I told you guys that I'm having skin problems as well?? Darn hormones. I need to switch products again, pronto. I hate becoming the ugly one, instead of the pretty one among my sibs and my friends. Yes, I'm selfish like that.

I am so gonna regret tomorrow, whining so much and not getting any work done tonight. But eff it. I just cant handle the stress right now.

This is so me.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Of forgiveness

Hello my favorite people! Here I am finally writing on the fourth day of Syawal. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all muslims out there! In this very short post, I hope, I would like to sincerely apologize to all of you readers for any misdeeds or whatever it is that I've done which inflicted pain physically or emotionally. And in spirit of forgiveness, I forgive everyone for any wrongdoings they've done against me as well. So kosong kosong again yeah? Since I'm really short on time with jalan raya and tons of assignments, the raya pics will have to wait till later okay. Here's a lil sneak peek though.

Nah. Can't get enough? Hold on tight.

Notice the very fat me? Which is why I am on a diet right now. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT tempt me with food yeah? I'd die before I became obese. T_T

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Constipated

Hello again. This very sleepy me currently is struggling to stay awake at least until 12.30 am pretending to do work, when all I ever do is videowalking on Youtube. Then again, assignments to be submitted after Raya is no joke people! Once I started listing it down, it seemed like there's no end to it. Let's just hope that for my sake, I get to finish them up in time. Haish.

So today, Lilo and I cooked for Iftar. Simple meal, but we were having such an appetite that we ate in silence! Never again am I gonna go on impulse-food-hunting and ended up not getting the food that I wanted like yesterday. Uncle Best's fried chicken and IKEA meatballs will have to wait until we can all eat in broad daylight!

Oh. And Mimo left in the afternoon and will be going back to Ganung tomorrow morning. I wanna be in Raya mood too! Instead, I'm stuck here counting hours to finish my last class on Friday at 4 pm. I know, I know, like wtf. Friday classes ending so late? That's my life. -,-

More lab session tomorrow. More hair-pulling lectures to bear. Raya wait for me! Hehehehehehe. Meanwhile, can't say I haven't found time for a snap or two of pics. :P

Forgive the constipated look. I was, well, constipated.

And the retarded look. Because I'm cool liddat. Luls.


We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Yeah, like ever.

Raya Blues

The final week to raya is finally here! I can tell that I'm totally psyched about raya as I've totally failed to concentrate on my lectures this week. We're talking about 4 more fasting days, and kaboom! Raya on Sunday. ;) hehee.

On the topic of Raya, I DID went for my baju raya hunting (for the third time) on Saturday! Thank God for best friend! I dragged Mimo for my search and finally settled for a simple kurung. Although it took us from Subang Parade to SACC to PKNS to find tht baju kurung, I was satisfied tht I got the color that I wanted! Which was peach btw. ^^

The rest of the raya stuffs will have to wait till Friday, for last minute shopping is ALWAYS fun, and I'm hoping tht my money will get released soon!

Well, tomorrow is lab day so Imma have to turn the sheets now. Goodnight dolls. :D

*Movies to note: Total Recall and The Bourne Legacy- I wouldn't recommend watching em. Lack strong storyline and worth dozing off for. Lol.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Incapable of trust

That's me. I've come to that very conclusion tonight. My road to recovery hadn't change much these few years. I started off somewhere, I opened up, I shut myself back, and I always ended up right back at square one. Hey, there's no one to blame for that right? Things happen for a reason.

Or so I keep telling myself. But then again, something might be terribly wrong with me? Who knows, side effects, or for whatever reason.

You think so? Maybe its just me being sensitive at this time of year. Afterall, I'm turning 21 in about a month. I'm upset but happy at the same time. Who would've thought I'd last being alone for 3 years anyway?

Its a blessing in disguise. I sure as hell wanna believe that.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Coming right up!

Hey guys! Its only the third week of the semester, and the workload is starting to pile up more and moreeeee. :( I should be prepared for the worst since I'm taking 5 units this semester. Yeah, you can blame the unit I flunked last year for this recent addition. On the bright side, the elective unit I'm taking this semester is none other than marketing, which is a VERY VERY simple unit I must say. I just gotta get my head straight for this unit and hope for the best. Its the other units I'm pretty worried about. Recom DNA, plant biotech and molecular genetics are no joke. The more things I learnt, the tougher it gets? That seems to be the case.

Anyway, I'll just have to try harder then. Can't afford flunking any unit this sem, thanks to the next semester being my last semester in Monash, hopefully.

On to another issue, D is finally back today! I'm glad to see that she's holding up well and staying strong despite the lost she had recently. Though I know I couldn't be of much help, I pray for the best for her and her family especially during these tough times. D, I'll be here anytime if you need a shoulder to cry on, or anyone to rely on. I hope that as time passes, it'll lessen your pain and makes you stronger. :) I was being so awkward today, I know. But I find it hard to express myself, and for that, I'm sorry.

Phew, it felt so good getting that off my chest.

Goodnight folks, let's anticipate a brighter day tomorrow! :D

Love,
Chak

Monday, August 06, 2012

Of traveller's guide

Well, there's nothing really special about this post. This is only to vent about my wardrobe-less issue! Yeah, yeah old news. But I've been living without a closet in my room here in Sunway for already a month or so. Attacked by evil termites' really unlucky. I had thrown out my full length mirror and closet. So I am left with a  huge luggage and portable rack to hang my clothes.

I've been waiting for cash to flow into my almost frozen-like bank account to get a new closet. Its so expensive these days! About RM 200 to RM 300 for a decent wood closet. That is among the cheapest I guess, still it cost a lot. I have to take note of this for future house furnishing purposes! Hehehe. 

Urmm, so when's the new closet coming in?

After raya MAYBE. Just maybe. Till then, I won't die using the rack and luggage. 

Excuse the very messy room. My room was originally, well, messy. :P

Sunday, August 05, 2012

The ups and downs...

Hello faithful readers! *If I have any, that is.. I guess I'm finally back, though I don't know for good or maybe with hiatus again here and there. The point is, I admit, that I've abandoned this blog totally for about five months or so, and even months before that  actually. Its not like I have nothing to talk about, but I've been keeping things to myself lately. Is that good? Bad? I don't know. One thing for sure, I feel strongly about writing again. I myself find Chak to be such a bore with my routine. Watching dramas, movies, day and night? Come on. There're much more to life than that.

So to keep this post from dragging to ten pages long, I've decided to do a quick recap of pictures. Yeah, the procrastinated pictures that I kept promising to upload but ended up didn't uploading any. Well, if I recall correctly, I've missed on a lot of pictures from all of the events since beginning of the year.

First of all, our first 'makan' session after starting fourth semester in Monash at IKEA. This was taken after the three months fattening summer break!
My visibly wider cheeks! hehe. With Mimo and Lilo lovess. :)

I particularly love this shot of Lilo with Mimo and me in the background. Cute eh?

All those dresses tried, but only one purchased. Guess which one?

More eating session with the girls. At Pizza Hut, before they upgraded to more AWESOME menus! hehehe.


Camwhore-ing session at the lab, as usual. 

Diana konon gambar candid. Eh?

Times square haul trip. Also prepared stuffs for the Langkawi trip. ;)

Us, before leaving for Langkawi on a 3 days two night trip. With Mimo, Diana, Merah and Syu!

In front of the chalet we booked. I absolutely love sitting by the beach at night, chatting with the girls. It was a very cherished memory for me. Aww. 

My personal favorite shot from the trip. I was yawning btw, but it somehow looked like I was gaping at something in the store? Credits to Syu for the fast hands for candids!

Cable car ride. With the very height-fearing me.

Vain shot in the car, heading for dinner place. :P

Why this photo from last year's Pangkor trip? Well, simply because I miss those lean legs. I have frigging mom-leg now. T_T

The pictures from this fifth semester which started two weeks ago is piling up as well, but I'll just keep it for the next post. Tons of things to write about, things have been happening so much that sometimes I lost my grip on reality. 

Talk to you people soon. xx. (^_^)