Friday, March 29, 2013


This is a new level of low. Even for me. Gotta stop this. This is not me.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Why we're not gonna work

So today I got a lot of time on my hands spent on thinking, instead of sleeping coz the caffeine effect was wearing off excruciatingly slow.

And you know what I suddenly realized?

Why me and the guy from work will never work out.

Its so simple, I can't believe I missed it. I'm finishing in a couple of months! And then I'll be back home in Melaka for I don't know how long, but let's just assume that I'll be there forever.

We all know that long distance relationships never work out. Well, for me it never works out anyway.

Why? Because I'm clingy and needy. That's why.

At the rate we're going, its safe to say that for us to date will take another year or so. Which sucks, I know. And which is why I'm rethinking about investing my feelings on him. I have this evil voice at the back of my mind asking me to keep my mind straight coz if its never gonna work out, why try anyway?

Yup. A lot of people will be punching, kicking and slapping me for saying that. Because I promised I'll try hard. Hurm. Don't worry, I won't back down on my promise, and I'll still try because I genuinely like this guy.

Let time tell if its ever gonna work between us.

And let's be clear about another thing too. I still can't figure out whether he likes me or not. So, at the moment its a one-sided affair. FML. Blerghh.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Some encouragement for a change

Because I need to kick my lazy ass and finish the rest of my reviews. I ended up doing nothing yesterday and went to sleep early. I woke up at around 4 am though, to try to get some things done. I did, eventually get things started. But I simply can't resist the charm being that is my bed, so I went ahead and sleep. Again.

I had very bizarre dreams while sleeping, which involves Ju On, me screaming in my sleep, my little brother as a baby, my mom, and a few things that I can't recall. The best one gotta be the Ju On part. I was so scared even as I open my eyes. It took quite a while for me to calm down and convince myself that the Ju On wasn't real. Yeahhh, I know. Such a dramatic start to my morning.

Fret not, my readers. My mornings are gonna get more dramatic from now on.

For starters, I might not be getting any sleep tonight and tomorrow night at the rate I'm doing my work now. Which also means, full on zombie action from me for two days.

Ughh, if it was up to me, I'd skip all this shit and drive back home first thing tomorrow morning.

Hurm. On second thought, I can really do that. Now, I'm tempted to do just that. Miahaha.

I'll whine again soon. xx

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Phoenix

So we can take the world back from the heart-attacked
One maniac at a time, we will take it back
You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start
So dance along to the beat of your heart -FallOutBoy

Great to listen to with the heap of things to get done. ;) Thank you FOB.

Up on a tree

Yess. Up on a tree might be a perfect spot for parking these days. Well, at least in Monash, that's the case. I've been cursing for the whole duration of my ride back home and well, a few hours after. I got dolled up for class, and ended up not going to any of the class today. Blerghh.

Sulking. :(
Well, I give up.
Hurm, maybe I should go out instead?

And so I went out, for lunch with my ex-colleagues. Then, I had a nap which was followed by me going out again, for dinner with the girls. Aiyak. I am eating too much these days. Gotta watch my weight! T_T There's this bikini that I'm eying, and there's no way I'm gonna be able to fit into one of those if I'm eating like this until next month. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Anyways, gotta go. Tons to do before Friday!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Me. Bugged

If there's one unspoken rule of dating, then this must be it. I guess.Or this must be the thing I want him to do.  

Text me first.

I find it hard keeping my curiosity at bay, when I wonder what he's doing, like, every time. Yeah, yeah, clingy woman alert, I know. I should kick myself for just thinking bout him too much. I mean, is that even normal? Blerghh. 


Its time to go crazy

With work, I mean. So, the busiest week is finally here and I find myself having less and less hours of sleep. It doesn't help that I vowed not to touch caffeine, which is probably why I'm like a zombie half the time.

I have good news though.

Dr. K is taking over this week's genetics class!! Weehuu. :) Its been a while since we all had him as our lecturer. Two years to be precise. Ngahaha, it doesn't matter if he's getting older or what not, he's still easy on the eyes as ever! That should count for so many things. I find myself concentrating really hard on his lecture, that's good right?

Other than the Dr. K news, the essays are still there to haunt me. Merah and I are gonna try to finish one tonight, so that I can finish the other two essays by the end of this week.

TTYS people. xx

Sunday, March 24, 2013

What I'm thinking of

Well, honestly right now with all the assignments to be submitted this week, I can't think of anything else but the midsem break. I am looking forward to it like crazy! I have a huge problem, seeing that I'm very lazy, I'm a tad slow in doing my assignments this sem. Ughh. I don't wanna do anything but lie in bed all day all night. Blerghh.

Since Apek was always there when I'm in my lazy mood, now I find myself wishing that he's not that busy, so he can scold me when I'm lazy. I wanna be whiny and needy but he's just too distant that I gave up.

I guess its just me and myself then, this time around.

Shoot me.

Bring out the ogre in you

By sporting GREEN hair. Hahaha. I must admit I love the shade of green that I used. All of this as a result of chalking. Looks a bit weird, I know. But the color grows on you more and more.

Excuse the chapped lips. And I was wearing pants, FYI. Nice shade of green right? ;)

No worries, I just did hair chalking which is not permanent. You can wash it off immediately. I wouldn't recommend chalking your hair, coz its just super messy! Its literally using chalk plus water to add color to your hair. My skin was greenish when I was done chalking, and my hair got super tangled I had to wash it immediately afterwards.

I kinda prefer the spray for highlights. I once had a purple spray which was awesome. Though it does leaves my hair rough and stupid, it wasn't messy and easy to apply. I love it.

I kinda feel old to have odd color on my hair. Gosh. 22 years old. Hurm. That's pretty old, compared to... say, 19. 

I think I might finally have a bucket list of things to do before I reach 30. 

Woahhhh. 30. Geez.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Because you're like my mirror

A wonderful song by Justin Timberlake.

Enjoy the weekend, loves!

Friday, March 22, 2013

The first of many

Well, hello people. I just came back from my date with the guy from work. Hehehe. I had a nice time over dinner, and also the movie. I won't talk about it in much detail because I don't know if there's gonna be a second date or not. I hope he's gonna ask, soon.

So, we watched Django Unchained which was the best choice for a movie that I've made this year. I gotta admit, there hasn't been that much of a good movie showing these days. Django Unchained made me love Quentin Tarantino so much for writing such a great story!

I find Jamie Foxx so handsome in this movie! Which is probably the only time I ever find African-American actor attractive. But he's just too cool in this movie that he makes me go "awhhhhhh" all over. My verdict is: its a must watch! I'd give it a rating of 9/10. Yupp. Its that good of a movie. :)

I have to get back to finishing my assignment now.

I like how this guy makes me feel at ease. Its been a while since I last feel like I can connect with someone. I can only hope he feels the same, because I'm starting to put my guard down now and I'm finally allowing myself to feel... happy.

xx loved ones.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Just a smile

Yupp. Just a smile is what it takes to make me happy. Forcing a smile, willing myself to be happy will end up making me feel that I'm really happy. I don't like being unhappy for long, its just not in me to not giggle my stupid giggle everyday.

I can't make people happy if I'm always unhappy. At this point, I started to not give a fuck anymore about whether people care enough about me to not make me feel so left out.

Why wonder about people who might hate me, for all I care? Why make myself unhappy with the thoughts of people not liking me for me?

I should never have to go through that in the first place.

So, I'm plastering this smile across my face, being my usual happy self. Why? Because I deserve to be happy. And I deserve so much better than this.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Where I don't belong

Maybe its because I haven't been in a relationship for as long as I can remember, I don't feel like I belong with my friends who are happily attached. Don't get me wrong, its not that I hate them for being happy and all. No, nothing of that sort. Its just that I feel helpless giving them relationship advices, I feel like I'm giving them all the wrong advices. Why? Because I've forgotten what it feels like to love someone. I find myself unable to understand the choices they made, why they do it, yada yada yada.

I feel like I'm somehow a piece of puzzle that never seems to fit, no matter how you stuff me in. I feel so out of place when my friends talk, I feel so left out, like I'm somehow wedging in between trying so desperately to get a grip on what they're talking about. I hate having to wedge in. I hate having to be the person who tags along. I hate not being able to understand. I hate that I don't fit in the puzzle. I hate it.

Yes, I've been trying to make people happy for such a long time, even at the expense of my own happiness. Because I cared too much. I might be annoyingly bubbly and attached, but it is my odd way of showing that I care.

Yet, I don't belong.

I know that I'm one self-centered bitch. I talk too much. I talk about myself too much. I whine about things about myself too much. When I talk, its all about me. Always.

But at least I talked. I communicated. I want to communicate. I need to communicate. People say that I'm lonely. Well, damn right I am. I'd be more lonely if I didn't have anyone to talk to. That's why I talk so much. Or maybe, I'm just talkative in nature. Blergh. Its the same either way.

Still, I don't belong.

It gets depressing these days, being where I don't belong. Feeling so left out. Missing out on things, because I'm not on the same wavelength to know.

I'm depressed. I'm sad. And I don't belong.

I can't help but feel sorry for myself for being me.

Like I said, nobody likes me for being me.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Monday, March 18, 2013

Kicking off em Monday blues

By planning yet another vacation. Our island getaway, as always. Because reality is, I'm swarmed with assignments, and I could pretty much do everything else to procrastinate. Typical me. But the beach looks nice, the water clear blue, and I can't wait to jump right in!

Can you guess where we're going this time?

the lazy ass at home

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Messy Sunday

Another week passes by, and here I am in my room, still with no part-time job, still.....broke. that goes to show one thing. My ability to procrastinate is just above and beyond. Blerghh.

I hate starting new things, which is exactly why I'm reluctant to send in my CV for the admin position, or to walk in the library to ask about the student helper position. Hurm. But I know I have to do it. NOW I mean, not eventually.

Well, its the third week of school and the girls and I really tried hard to try new things to do since its our final sem together. Time is very precious I guess. Gosh. We're finishing soon, I can't wrap my head around the idea just yet. T_T I'm determined to make the most out of it though. I hope we all can.

Assignments are starting to pour in more and more now. But mine's quite okay since my units aren't that heavy this sem. So......a huge sigh of relieve there.

Aim for this week: At least secure a part-time job. Yes, secure one by the end of this week.

TTYS guys. Gotta pull myself together. :)

Heart attack

But you make me wanna act like a girl
Paint my nails and wear high heels
Yea you, make me so nervous
That I just can’t hold your hand

You make me glow, but I cover up
Won’t let it show, so I’m
Puttin’ my defences up
Cause I don’t wanna fall in love
If I ever did that
I think I’d have a heart attack - Demi Lovato

Thursday, March 14, 2013

A day to forget

Damn right I did. Forget about things, I mean. Apparently, I'm getting old.

Like, whatt??

I've been forgetting things since early in the morning. I lost my stuffs, misplaced them, had to go back and forth in Monash to track it down. So.......clumsily me, gotta admit that.

I am still searching for a part time job for this semester.  I am so broke, I think I can manage to lose a kg or two if this continues. So many bills to pay, the rent, the car, the parking rental, yada yada yada. I'm thinking about working inside Monash, since it'll be easier for me to work in between classes and all, but we'll see how it goes.

Till then, let's play the hunger games!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Why can't we just date already??

 photo tumblr_mjb9eiTnwx1rkiuhro1_400_zps871cadb6.gif

Well, I don't know. Because I don't have the courage to do this:

I love to complicate things. That's just me. And it doesn't help me in any way when it comes to dating.

Not bored, just restless

Please pardon the self-shots that look stupid no matter how you look at it. I was restless waiting for someone's text and ended up doing nothing much last night. So...... there you have it.

I don't like being the last person texting the other. It makes me wonder all night whether he's gonna reply more, or just leave it as it is.

He didn't reply more. Geez.

Monday, March 11, 2013


I hate hints, signals, whatever you call it. Can't we just directly approach someone we like and ask them out on a date? Well, we girls can do that, except that it would not be proper, and..... I don't know. It'd be embarrassing, I guess?

See, the problem is, lately I find myself attracted to this guy from my intern place. Maybe because I can't see him as much as I want to as my classes started already. But I'm always looking forward to lepak sessions with my ex-colleagues coz he'll be there. I can never guess whether he likes me or not as he treats everyone the same way.

Dilemma there.

Besides, we didn't get to talk much on our own, coz we're always out with others. Hurm. I want to get to know him more. I guess I missed out on a lot of chances while I was still an intern.

Now, I don't know how to go on. I have the tendency to just give up, like I always do, but this time, I really don't know how to proceed.

I have this voice at the back of my mind saying that maybe he didn't like me once he got to know me.

That would be just sad.

But, I shall at least try to get to know him more right? Okay. That's the root of my problems. The more I got to know him, the more I find myself liking him. Silly, I know.

Conclusion is, apparently I don't have any solution to this problem. We should go out more to see if things could work. And he hasn't asked yet. So...........

Geez. Sorry for yapping so much about this. But its been bothering me a lot lately.

White flag

Just because I love this song. :)

Sunday, March 10, 2013

The common factor

People run away once they get to know the real me. The selfish, whiny, clingy me. 

But its okay. I'm not in a hurry to find someone who'll love me for me. The good, and the bad part of me. All of me.

The cure for a broken heart

Ultimately, the one thing I learnt from a broken heart is to give it time to heal. The first few days will be hell, the first few weeks will be tolerable, the first few months bearable. So it goes on and on, and before you know it, a year passes, and then another, and then another. But the pain will always be there, unfortunately.

Crying is the best way to let it all out. The frustration, anger, pain. Just let it all out. I used to cry myself to sleep every night, and eventually it stopped. I feel better. There's nothing weak or embarrassing about crying, its just an expression of emotion. So why hold it back, when in times of sadness, all we want to do is cry? Let your eyes be puffy, its all right to cry.

Aside from crying, talk about it. One thing it does help with is that it helps you cope with the reality. Talking about it means that you're acknowledging the truth, but more than that it means a lot to share your pain and sorrows with others. It lets you know that there are many people in this world who care about you, no matter what. So talk about it. Whatever it is. Your worries, sadness, grief, anger, resentment. Talk about it, someone will always listen.

If ever you find a day where you can't seem to talk to anyone, write about it. Put it all down in words, be it in a diary, a letter, or even a blog. It helps you remember, what went wrong, why you made such decisions, how much pain and hurt you feel, why you can never go back to how things were, all of it. Expressing yourself might not lessen the pain, but it can always take away some of the weight weighing down in your chest.

Then, get yourself busy. Be it work, assignments, workout sessions, as long as its healthy. And the key to doing this is by having great company. Go out with your friends more, watch funny movies, go bowling, swimming, and have fun while you're at it. This will take a lot of effort at first, but you'll get used to it eventually. You have to remember that things are over, and you're trying to get your life back on track, so you have to start making yourself happy. Family and friends will give you support, a shoulder to cry on, and hugs, whenever you needed it. Don't be shy to ask. They'll always be there for you.

Give yourself a break. Its okay to be sad, to be fragile, to be hurt. We are all humans, we made mistakes, we learn from it. And that's what makes us stronger.

Just know that you're not alone in this.

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Out of comfort zone

So, I've told you guys that I went caving the other day right? And I know you guys are like, really? Chak went caving?

Yeah, damn right I did.:)

I'm not the sporty, all adventurous kind of girl as most of you guys know. Hence, when the guys from the office asked me to join them, I was a bit worried at first. Whiny me, on a caving trip? Picturing it just makes me shudder. But at the end of the day, it wasn't that bad afterall. I enjoyed it, in fact. The sore muscles for the next three days or so doesn't agree with me, sadly.

Enough yapping, right? To the pictures!

 All of us after the briefing.

 At the cave entrance. :) From left, Kak Erlena, Fizan, Faiz, Ik, Moi, Fattah, Amir, Umi and Azna.

The excited faces before getting wet and worn. Hehe.

There were a lot of climbing actions, mind you. My arms almost gave up.

Our guide, Aki.

The tiny passage.

 Stopping at a checkpoint.

The guys, climbing up.

 The small waterfall? Its everywhere in the cave. And apparently I needed more rabbit ears. Haha.

 The Buddha and his angel or something.

 More tiny passages, and excited faces!

At another checkpoint, eager for photos. ;)

All of us, relaxing towards the end of the hike.

We discovered another waterfall! Time to get soaked, and splash water at each other! Hehehe.

The final stop, in front of Batu Maloi. :) WE MADE IT! 

It was a two hour drive from KL to Johol, where the Gua Batu Maloi was situated. And the hike was for about four hours, from the entrance back to our starting point. But it was all worth it. Honestly speaking, that was the most fun I had in a while. Great times, with great company. Hee.

Of plantations, hotsprings, orangutan and love.

After the long wait, I am now finally posting pictures from my days as an intern. Hehe. Sorry guys, I've been collecting a huge pile of it and because of the circumstances when I was an intern, I can't post it at that time. Now I can! :)

Starting with my trip to Perak taking students to the plantations and oil palm mills for them AND ME to get to know more about palm oil. Weehuu!

Here goes...
 I took a 6.30 am LRT to KL Sentral where the bus, kids and other colleagues awaits.

 First stop was at FELDA Bersout, Perak. At the oil palm plantation, with the cutest kid ever. Noah. :)

 One of the students getting a hands on experience on harvesting the oil palm. Which is scary, btw.

 Lunch before heading to the mill. And it seems like someone is in desperate need of rabbit ears! Ngehehe. :P
The mill.

 Done with the activities of the day. So, its chilling time at the hotsprings!

 Dinner with the kids.

The next day, on the boat heading to the Orangutan Island! Hehehe.

They couldn't find my nametag, I'm Max for the day. Hihi.

This big guy is.... Tuah, I think. I love the colour of his fur, hence the picture.  They orangutans are so human-like, they amaze me!

Le colleagues. :)

Le sleeping beauty? Haha.

 The next day, back in the office and the kids came for a visit. :)

Final picture.

This trip was one of my memorable time during my intern. This was where I made new friends, and bonded with my colleagues whom I otherwise only smile to in the office. It was all in all, a great trip.

I love you guys.

The day we slayed a giant

Or maybe NOT. Well, at least this man did.

 Jack. aka Nicholas Hoult.

I'm still waiting for Warm Bodies to be released next week, to watch him again in action! I can't wait!! I think I must've watched the trailer for warm bodies ten times or so. He is just too cute! Hehehe. 

Well, back to the main topic. 

So the girls and I went to watch Jack the Giant Slayer a few days ago. The movie was quite lengthy, but overall okay. Since there are tons of bedtime stories made into movies these days, I become less and less excited as every new movie is released. But....... Hansel and Gretel is the best among them all. Can't argue with that. :)

How about pictures now, shall we?

 The monkey I carried around Kaison. Pardon the monkey-like hair yeah? I'm still counting on it to grow moreeee.

The "master bedroom" clan. ;) Lilo and Mimo.

Le huge face vs le duck face.

I'm working on the other posts.......NOW. Wait for it!

Thursday, March 07, 2013

What, its Friday already?

Yes. Well, my first week back in Monash is almost up! Can't believe I've spent four days going back to classes, having labs and all. And its finally Friday. Time flies. Really.

Okay. So, what's new in Monash? Or this semester anyway?

Nothing much, actually. But I feel that my steps are lighter going to uni this time around. Maybe because this will be my final semester here. There's something saddening about leaving Monash, to face the real world. I have to be prepared for this, unfortunately sooner, rather than later. Hehe.

Anyway, forgive me for the missing action this week. I've been busy relaxing while I can, at least before the assignment rush and stuffs. I will try to write more, mainly because I owe so many posts, and also because this will be the last semester that all of us girls will be together. :(

Enough with the sad face.

I'll give you sunshine and rainbows.

So, just now I met up with my ex-colleagues for a makan session. I miss them already! We used to go for lunch together almost everyday, for those three months of my internship. My 'makan gang' helped me with a lot of things from getting to know the staffs, to taking me out on trips and what not, and I can't thank them enough for all the wonderful times. :) The full group picture will have to wait as I'm always slow with pictures. Hehe. Till then.....

;) xx

Friday, March 01, 2013

The cubicle

After waiting and counting down for so long, the last day of work is finally here! I am so relieved that I can go back to my student life, be it with assignments and exams and all. So yesterday I took pictures with the staffs, and I'll be posting them later, since I'm still waiting for the pics.

For now, let's just be satisfied with a couple of pictures aight?

 My cubicle

The owner. Hehe. :P

I am currently busy searching and trying to understand stuffs about postgraduate studies. And I am also searching for a scholarship to do my masters. I'll let you in on whatever I might find later. TTYS guys.