Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Where I don't belong

Maybe its because I haven't been in a relationship for as long as I can remember, I don't feel like I belong with my friends who are happily attached. Don't get me wrong, its not that I hate them for being happy and all. No, nothing of that sort. Its just that I feel helpless giving them relationship advices, I feel like I'm giving them all the wrong advices. Why? Because I've forgotten what it feels like to love someone. I find myself unable to understand the choices they made, why they do it, yada yada yada.

I feel like I'm somehow a piece of puzzle that never seems to fit, no matter how you stuff me in. I feel so out of place when my friends talk, I feel so left out, like I'm somehow wedging in between trying so desperately to get a grip on what they're talking about. I hate having to wedge in. I hate having to be the person who tags along. I hate not being able to understand. I hate that I don't fit in the puzzle. I hate it.

Yes, I've been trying to make people happy for such a long time, even at the expense of my own happiness. Because I cared too much. I might be annoyingly bubbly and attached, but it is my odd way of showing that I care.

Yet, I don't belong.

I know that I'm one self-centered bitch. I talk too much. I talk about myself too much. I whine about things about myself too much. When I talk, its all about me. Always.

But at least I talked. I communicated. I want to communicate. I need to communicate. People say that I'm lonely. Well, damn right I am. I'd be more lonely if I didn't have anyone to talk to. That's why I talk so much. Or maybe, I'm just talkative in nature. Blergh. Its the same either way.

Still, I don't belong.

It gets depressing these days, being where I don't belong. Feeling so left out. Missing out on things, because I'm not on the same wavelength to know.

I'm depressed. I'm sad. And I don't belong.

I can't help but feel sorry for myself for being me.

Like I said, nobody likes me for being me.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

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