Sunday, May 26, 2013

The tough road

Sometimes it amazes me the long road I'm willing to take to be certain of what I want, and be okay with it. I don't know why I'll have this sudden need of sabotaging stuffs and getting myself into a mess. But things are fine now, thank God.

I realized how I was in the wrong, and how I was sure I wanted this more than anything.

So, here's to being a better person. :) Here's to growing up.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The cumberbitch

So, news?

I quit my part-time job. Just because I needed more time on my hands now. Its done, and I'm relieved that one part of this whole mess is taken care of.

As for the other stuffs, I need to take care of them ASAP.

Well, on other news. We finally went to watch Star Trek: Into the Darkness yesterday! Miahaha, I was looking forward to watch Benedict Cumberbatch I almost leaped to the screen when I saw him! :)

He is too cute in the Sherlock Holmes series, and he transformed into such a cool dude in Star Trek! I died.

He's like the super-epic villain, and I feel like he's so sexy and I want him in my bed, and omfg what am I doing. Hahahaha.

He looks a bit dorky I know. But he is extremely tall!

What is it with me and tall guys anyway? They just turn me on being tall, I don't care how they look like. Okay, okay, that's a lie. I ALWAYS care about their looks. Then again, its their height that makes me feel like its fun to climb on them and plant a kiss somewhere on their face. Oh God, "climb"? Really, Chak?

Forgive me with my choice of words and actions today, I'm just..... excited I guess?

Gotta go back to thinking straight. Assignments waiting! xx

Monday, May 20, 2013

My demons

"Don't get too close, its dark inside.
  Its where my demons hide, its where my demons hide." -Imagine Dragons

Sunday, May 19, 2013

The scariest times yet

Week 11 is finally here! The second last week of classes. It almost brings me down to tears. I can't believe that three years in Monash is soon coming to an end. Its so sad that the days are passing by so fast when I don't want everything to end. I want to savor every moment here while I can, but reality is catching up on me too soon. :(

I'm so nervous as I'm nearing the finals, as I'm packing my stuffs to go back home. I'm nervous to start a new life. I'm scared of the wrong decisions I'm about to make, I'm scared if I ever stray from the path I wanted to take. I'm scared to take that first step out of my comfort zone. I'm scared.

But the first rule of truly living is to do the thing you're most afraid of. So I'm trying to overcome my fear and make my way through this, step by step. First thing first, I gotta make sure that I graduate this semester. The way I'm handling my assignment is not pretty convincing right now, so I gotta step it up, especially for finals!

Its crazy that I have 3 more weeks before finals, and before leaving uni. Crazy.

Who would've thought that three years could've gone by so fast?


Number 999

Bucket list number 999: To go on a trip with an ex. :)

Thursday, May 16, 2013


Coz I'm thinking of food now. 

Hehe. I'm taking a break from writing my CB essay, I'm just too effing sleepy! I had coffee just now, but it seems like the effects are wearing off. Gotta stay awake and finish enough words since I have to go out to shop tomorrow for food, cake and what not for the party this weekend. Can't wait! 

I have to submit my assignment first, though. 

Which brings me back to reality. Can't rest for long, gotta key in more words before calling it a night. Or day. Or whatever it is. :)

Ttys dolls. 

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I have a knack for

Screwing things up. I thought that I was born with not enough talent, but this 'talent' for screwing things up is my best talent so far.

Why, Chak?? Why in the fucking world??

Okay, not funny. Seriously. I should take Mimo's advice and go and visit a psychiatrist instead of a guidance counselor.

I can't keep blaming the PMS for everytime I went crazy. Not anymore.

But, the funny thing I got from all of this is the realization that, what Collin once said seemed to be true. Yeah, yeah, I know. Shoot me.

I've also come to the realization that I suck at this relationship thingy. I mean, I'd like to think that I'm good at this. Truth is, I suck. Can I fix that? I sure hope I can. I just...... don't know how.

At the end of the day, when its all said and done, the final realization that I've loved this guy comes in knocking. Only that, it might've been a lil too late.

I screwed things up.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

When shit gets real

Was the topic of our little lepak session just now. So many things to figure out, so many options to consider, different paths to take, so many things to do, so little TIME. This has got to be the toughest few months of my life.

I remembered that just a couple of months ago, I seemed to have a rough idea of where my life was headed. Now everything is just so different, I'm not really sure about anything anymore. Which is extremely depressing, and.... worrying.

So, better think hard. Shit gets real in less than six weeks.


"This bitch is so insecure. She's gotta get some. Damn right, she's gotta get some."

If you know what I mean.... ;)



"The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high....stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you're there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, letting it go hurts even worse." -Grey's Anatomy

Counting down the weeks

Hello people! I am back in front of the laptop, which either means I'm busy with work, or I'm busy wasting time. In this case, I gotta say both. I am extremely busy with assignments due here and there, working the part time job, prepping for the birthday bash, allocating time for family and friends for hangouts, job hunting, all that shit. Damn, this semester is crazyyyy. I'm worried about the finals. Less than a month to go! T_T I died.

So I was video-walking on youtube just now, taking a break from racking my brain for ideas for my Consumer Behavior essay, and I found this video.

They are just so cute together! It makes me wanna hold on to that hope of finding that one person which is as crazy about me as I am about him, which complements me in ways I couldn't explain. And in the 22 years I've been living, I haven't found that person yet, so......

There's plenty of time to meet new people and be in and out of relationships. To learn more about myself, to get what I want from a relationship, to give as much in a relationship. To fall in love, fall out of love, be happy, get hurt and go through it all over again. Just so that I could finally end up with someone that could keep my insecurities at bay, and make me happy being with him, with me just being me.

I am not gonna comment on the current state of my relationship. I said I'm gonna give it time, and so time I will give.Tbh, I wonder why other guys can invest more time with me and express themselves emotionally to me than my own boyfriend. It beats me. Really. If I start to rant about all the things that's been bothering me, you guys won't see the end of it.

Then again, maybe its the bad habit of mine making its comeback. Pushing people away. I can't tell the difference. Haha.

Give it time. Give it time.

Back to work, I guess. Those 3000 words aren't gonna get written on its own.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Hey Mama

Thank you for bringing me into this world, for loving me the way I am, for being here with me always, for taking care of me in health and sickness, for sticking by my side when the whole world is against me, for being just the wonderful mother that you really are. Thank you. I could not imagine being born as someone else's daughter. I'm so thankful that you're my mom!

There's just too many reason to be thankful for that I still have you in my life. I hope that you'll be here for many more years to come. I love you so much mom. :)

My mom is just too cute, I'm gonna die! Hahaha.

Here's a song for you mom. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Meet the Satan

I posted on twitter on how I'm an attention-craving psycho and how I feel like hitting my boyfriend coz he's not giving me enough attention.

"Me: I feel like hitting him with a wooden plank. He's so frustratingggg"

"Friend: What is it this time?"

"Me: Well, you know me. I need attention all the timeeee."

"Friend: Alolo kesiannn."

"Me: Ughh, I hate PMS! It makes me needy all the timeee."

"Friend: Hahaha, you are needy even without PMS. "

Okay laaa. To be fair, I am needy all the time. But........ The PMS is turning me into one psychotic needy freak. My menses should be here already. Why are you doing this to me?? Why are you not here yet??

Crying now coz I'm so emo. Coz my period is not here yet. Coz that's what emo people do? Shoot me.


I'm yapping about stupid stuffs now, I know. But it's really frustrating.

I'll write more when I'm emotionally stable. Gotta go do breathing exercise or something now coz I'm just too crazy.


Be here

Its a very sad story to share, but things happen. And. We gotta move on with life. 

Another close friend of mine loss her dad a couple of days ago to the battle against cancer. Alhamdulillah the funeral and tahlil went on smoothly, and she looked better. :)

I wish I get to be by her side more though, especially at times like this. But, we'll make do with whatever time we can find to meet each other. 

Just know that I'll be here if you ever need to talk. Or to cry. Or anything. Always. 

Thursday, May 09, 2013


Just a quick post. 


Coz I have a report to submit. And because its 5 am and I'm still up doing my report. Because I feel like posting a picture. Miahaha.

Oh wait. I've got Instagram for that.

Nahh. I just love my cozy little blog better. ;) 

A note about today: I've never been so mad or disappointed in Malaysians before. Today was the first time, and I sure hope the last. For some reason, the ridiculousness of today just made me cry. Hurm. Enough about that.

The picture? 

Saturday, May 04, 2013


Hello again guys. Its been a while since I last wrote about stuffs. These days I've been so out of it, I know. But not to worry, people. Everything is well and under control. Like I said, if I ever find myself in a relationship that makes me unhappy, I always have the option to walk away, right? ;)

So, this weekend I'm back at home in the company of family and friends! Since the election is on Sunday, I don't think I'll be leaving the house at all except to search for food? Yeah, It would be wise for me to just stay at home and avoid the horrible traffic.

Well, news?

For one, I am officially broke now. Two more months before finishing my degree, and I am so broke, I almost cried seeing my bank balance. Hahaha I'm shooting myself now. Though I kinda expected the state of brokeness this semester since I'm spending on a lot of things, I didn't expect my broke state to come knocking so soon! I died.

Then again, I just started working part time, that should prolly cover the expenses for the trip planned. :) Other expenses will have to come from daddy dearest.

Okay, better get on daddy's good side this two months. Hehe.