I know for a fact that I'm one selfish bitch, but it doesn't hit me that hard until just now. It seems like I always say things without thinking twice. And almost every time I'll say mean things and hurt the feelings of the people that I love. I'll regret it five mins later, only to be doing it all over again next time. Blerghh.
And then there's another problem. I OVER-THINK about everything, its killing me! Which is prolly why I love to sabotage my relationships. Its a disease I've contracted from unsuccessful relationships, and it just won't go away. So help me God, I have to stop doing that. I need to stop doing that. Its been causing me nothing but trouble lately. I hate it.
Thinking about it now, I'm pretty sure I'm such a terrible person to be with. I want what I want from a relationship selfishly and I couldn't be fair and commit to a relationship in return. I managed to perfectly neglect to think about the other party's feelings. Which sucks. Because once I realized what little thought I had on his feelings, I feel horrible. And it hits me.
I AM REALLY MEAN AND HEARTLESS.
Gotta work on fixing that too. I have to start putting myself in other people's shoes and think about how they would feel first, before going on and saying things that i don't mean just to hurt them. Sighhh.
Baby, I'm so sorry you had to read all of the nasty things I wrote about you. I messed up, I know. But I'm working on getting better. Just hang on and bear with me, okay? Sorry again.