I don't wanna get out of this bubble. Turned out I found a wonderful person afterall. And despite my endless attempts at pushing him away, he preservers. I like that. Really. I love the fact that he held on when I always was such a bitch to him. I'm still feeling sorry that he had to put up with my insecurities, my manic, depressed self and all. But hey, at least I know that he won't just take off whenever things get rough right? So that's good. :)
Above all else, he makes me happy. Its rare that when I date someone, I find myself feeling happy. I always felt the urgency of breaking away from relationships before this, simply because I believe it will never work out. Because I don't believe in the idea of relationships anymore. I'm not saying that my perception towards relationships has totally changed, but I find myself wanting this to work out for some odd reason. I find myself wanting to believe in the idea of relationships once again.
I don't know how I could've loved someone so much back then. The idea is totally new to me now. The only thing I remembered from back then was how broken I was, how much it hurts, how weak and helpless I felt. And things like that, it just stays with me. Yeah yeah. Its things like that that makes me the person that I am today.
What? Its good to be cautious and not fall for the wrong person right? Hehehe. Yup. I'll just take it as I've learned great lessons in life. That when you fall down, there'll always be family and friends to support you, hold your hands and help you back up. That life goes on, and things get better eventually.
At the end of the day, I'll just go with the flow and stop being paranoid of having feelings for someone because its pretty normal. I have to stop sabotaging my own relationship as well. Hehe.
We'll see how things go for me and my muffin from now on. :)