Sunday, July 21, 2013

Therapy

Ever feel like you need to talk to someone but just couldn't find the right person to talk to? That is exactly what I'm feeling now. I mean, how do I talk to someone and admit that I hate myself sometimes? Okay, more like most of the time now. I have this huge ego and stupid self-righteousness which makes me feel superior to others all the time! This attitude will be the death of me. I wonder where have my humble, proper self gone to and its driving me crazy!

I wanna go back to the time when I have my priorities right, and when I see my life going in the right direction. I hate my cocky, ignorant, foolish self right now and I want to change that if I could. I just don't know how. I always forget to remind myself to listen to the wisdom of others, because I always feel the compulsive need to be right. Because I love winning. And I always forget that in winning, I may not always be right. 

My ultimate favorite: blaming the others for everything before pointing the finger at me. It's a really bad habit, and it doesn't help in terms of stuffs relating to my future. I can't be blaming the university for crappy GPA now, can I? That is just complete and utter bullshit, now that I think about it. Monash is Monash, but that doesn't explain me being stupid and not scoring the exams, right? Because apparently, some people managed to score and get good grades, so it's not totally impossible. It's just hard, that's all. 

I really need a guidance counselor or something. I need a self-upgrade if I can. I don't wanna get stuck where I don't belong, five years from now. It sure is scary, leaving uni. It's all fun and sunshine and rainbows until the "what's next?" question hits you. And it's hitting me hard now. 

Enough rants for tonight I guess. 

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