Wednesday, October 29, 2014

That familiar stab in the heart

It's making a comeback. Only worse this time. :(

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The way you make me feel

It's rare to find someone who let's me feel like I'm important to him. I'm glad he does, all the time. From the way he treats me, the way he speaks to me and just about everything. More than him saying how important I am, I love how he can make me feel it instead.

I'm kinda glad it never worked out with anyone in the past.

I'm kinda glad I have you in my life now.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Why I hate LDR

Not to exaggerate or anything, but I am in several LDRs right now. LDR with my family, my closest friends and also with my boyfriend. I personally feel like a person can only endure like two LDRs at any given time. Like, if she's having LDR with her boyfriend, she can either live at home and be surrounded by her family OR live in the city surrounded by close friends. Like, if she's not staying at home with family, and her friends are not by her side, she should at least be in the same city as her boyfriend.

Makes a lot of sense, no?

A person can't live on their own. Okay, scratch that. I can't live on my own. I don't know how I survived these few months without family, friends or my boyfriend around. But it really is a tiring cycle. I don't have that feeling of 'coming home' everytime I come back from work. I only have that feeling every time my week ends when I get to go back to Melaka, or if I'm going to Penang, or if he's coming to town or when my friends are in town.

I need stability. I need to be cared for when I'm sick.

And I'm kinda sick now. Down with flu, but have to care for myself. I'm too young for this shit.

On my weakest days, all I think about is how nice it'd be for me to move back and stay with my family. Like, who cares if I'm making money doing things I love anyway?

Is this how it's supposed to be, growing up? It's so lonely and depressing. I mean, who do I go to after such a long day for a hug? I need to be able to lean on people sometimes. :(

Maybe I'm just sick and needy, that's why I'm like this. But it's true, no? No one can live alone.

Friday, October 10, 2014

As the days draw near

I went to view a couple of rooms with him the other day in Cyberjaya. I guess I was hoping for at least one decent, clean room that I can move into ASAP, so that this nightmare of me being room-less will be over. Turns out that I was hoping for too much.

The rooms are not fit for a human to live in.

And I thought only my housemates can be dirty.

How is it that my room in Nilai is so much cleaner and nicer than the rooms I viewed in Cyber??

I'm gripping at last few strands of hope here. I'm supposed to be out of this place by 1st November, so it is understandable that I am panicking, right? There are a couple more rooms in Cyber that is left for viewing, and a couple of rooms in Putra Heights. I really hope that the one in Putra Heights is liveable. I kinda love the fact that it's close to Sunway.

Anyways, remember how I was telling you guys that I need nicer hair? I went to the salon the other day, spent a fortune, cut my hair shorter and did the relaxer treatment.

The result? 

Chubbier face, of course.

And, I still don't like my hair. I mean, I spent quite a large amount of money on it, and it doesn't look pretty still. At this point in time, I regretted not getting a new watch or handbag. (-,-)

Okay, I need to go get some sleep now. Have to go earn money tomorrow~

xx

Monday, October 06, 2014

Of needs and wants

At the moment, second on my list after settling down in a new place, will be getting a nicer hair. I've been going on for years with the same stubborn hair that doesn't seem to want to look nice no matter how hard I tried.

Sad that my job scope involves having nice hair.

My hair is so damaged that sometimes I think the best I can do to save it will be to chop it all off. But, I want longer hair. I crave for all the sexiness it brings. So I'm finding ways to salvage whatever I have and make do with it.

No more shortcuts. No more chopping it all off.

Long days at the salon it is then.

Sunday, October 05, 2014

Life as we know it

So October is here already! It's close to a year since I started flying. Pretty amazing right? One year passes by so fast, and before you know it, another year is fast approaching. I know I've talked for months about moving out from Nilai, but I'm still here, in the same boring room in a house I cannot call home.

It's kinda depressing these days coming back from work, and being restricted from having a nice healthy routine coz I haven't found a place to stay. I turn on my laptop, dive into endless room ads and contact the house owners. I do that every day, but then I'm lacking in terms of time for me to go visit the house. I cant go view the room on my off days coz people are working on my off days.

That's why it took so long. And did I mention how expensive it is to rent a room these days? I'm so broke I can't even get one nice thing for myself for my birthday. I want a new watch, but I cant get a watch. I want a new handbag but I cant get a new handbag. Why? Coz I have to worry about my room deposit every single time. And coz my money seems to evaporate into thin air every month? >.<

I wish I can run away and just come back and I'll have a place to stay. Then everything will be better.

Adulthood doesn't work that way, sadly. No matter how far I run, my troubles and worries will always be there to haunt me.

Take me back to the days where I have a place I could call home?

Pretty please?

Friday, September 26, 2014

The third and forth person in the story

"Nina stared at him just for a bit too long this time, and his eyes met hers. 'What is it?', Paul said. Nina just smiled, looked away, and thought to herself. 'What is it about this man? What is it about him that makes me weak? Every. Single. Time.'

Paul is a decade older than Nina, but much to her surprise when they first met, he is way too immature to be 35. Nina had to always remind herself that Paul, is someone else's dad, and..... is in a long-term relationship with someone. Nina was not attached to anyone, until he met Mike, a few months after working with Paul.

Although Mike is so much younger than Paul, he tries to be more of a man for Nina despite his age. He is the classic 'good guy' type, always so caring, attentive, and treated her nothing short of a princess. This is also why she stuck around. It is so rare for Nina to find someone that she can connect with, on so many level. Well, Mike. Mike is the exception. Nina could not help but fall in love with Mike, more and more with each passing day.

The thing is... Now that Paul is back in the vicinity of Nina, she can't sit still. He drives her over the edge. He teases her, takes her to an emotional roller coaster ride, until it got to a point where Mike slipped her mind. Paul has that effect on her. The way he touches her, the way he sometimes pamper her like a child, the way he is so passionate about his work. It makes her adore him. The sexual tension between them is always there, but never satisfied. Nina sometimes wonder if that's the reason he's always in her head."



Monday, September 22, 2014

The Bali Birthday Trip

Now, on to my most awaited post. The birthday trip! This trip is kinda a last minute trip as well, coz we decided on the destination so late, but thank God the plans fall into place in the end. We stayed in Bali for five days, going to places, visiting temples, going to the beach, and just basically enjoying Bali as it is.

Lemme just say this first. Pictures don't do justice to some of the places that we visited while we were there. But, here goes nothing anyway...

 Well, we have to start off with the plane selfie. Hehehe. Three hours plane ride, and voila! Bali, here we come.

 We don't have much pictures for the first day as we were mostly busy walking at the busy street of Legian, looking at the shops, people, and going to the spa. Hehehe. We had dinner at this Penyet place where the Gurami is so niceeeee, and where I first tasted the Es Jeruk and fell in love with it! (Es Jeruk is basically like orange juice, only that they use local lime, which is naturally sweet and it's so freshhh)

 On to the adventures on our second day. I don't have pictures from the Tanjong Benoa with me, as most of it is in his gopro, but lemme tell you this. If you don't like crowded places, don't go there. This place is where you go to do all kinds of beach activites like parasailing, banana boat, flying fish, snorkeling etc. BUT. BUT. BUT. It's overrun with tourists, sadly. We had fun doing some water sports and snorkeling for a bit, but yeah, would've been better if the place wasn't too commercialized. Btw, photo on top is of Pandawa Beach, not the Tanjong Benoa.
 
 Next, we went to Pandawa Beach for a quick swim and some fun in the sun! This place is beautifullllll

 Finally, to the infamous Uluwatu Temple to watch the sunset. I love it here, it is one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited. It just takes my breath away. Awhhhhh.

The cliff temple sighted, and also the sun, setting. We had dinner by the beach at Jimbaran after and finally called it a night.

We started our day off quite early on the third day, to catch the Barong dance in the morning. Bali, and it's unique culture. Me likeyyy. :)

Our journey after that is to places that are far, going to Kintamani for lunch, the rice terrace, and the Ubud market where the royal temple is located. So, we were pretty much in the car all the time. Being driven, from one place to another.

 We were so excited to have found this ice cream shop in Ubud! This place sells amazingly good green tea ice cream, which we used to order from Bangkok. Imagine our joy, finding this ice cream place in Bali! Hahaha. After the ice cream, we went to see the Kecak dance, and then finally headed back to the hotel.

 Fourth day, started off souvenir hunting, and then to Pura Taman Ayun.
Up next, the Ulun Dalu Temple in Bedugul. Better be prepping your windbreaker for this place, I was slightly under-dressed, and I almost died of coldness at one point. Luls. 

Last destination, the Tanah Lot Temple. Amazingly beautiful sunset! I feel like it's all romantic and stuffs, it gives me butterflies in my stomach. Hee.

Four days went by so fast, and our last day, the fifth day, we went around the Kuta beach, had our lunch and boarded the plane back to KL. Three hours of flight, and voila! Back to reality that our vacay is over. Sobsssss.

It was the first time that me and him traveled out of the country together (read: relationship milestone, right there). As our first time, I'd say we did pretty okay. He did most of the researching, which I'm glad he did, so we had a pretty rough idea on where to go and what to do. 

So, let's plan for the next trip baby?

;D

Sunday, September 21, 2014

The Ganung Kite Trip

Hello, my lovelies! I'm currently sitting in front of the laptop, supposedly busy hunting for a new room to rent, but then I thought, "why not a new blog post?". Ya know, coz I haven't gotten around to updating you people with what's happening with my life and what not. Hehe.

Since I'm running low on time, let the pictures tell the story of how fun my Terengganu trip was!


So, we made a last minute decision to go to Terengganu, set the date, bought the tickets, and off we go. Mimo is from Terengganu, and it's great coz she can finally show us around. :)

The first day there, we decided to go on an island trip! Pulau Kapas was the destination of choice, and it was nothing short of perfection.

 Our chalet was at Kapas Coral Beach Resort. We took a 20 mins boat ride from Pulau Kapas Jetty in the morning.

 Snorkeling trip in the afternoon! My favorite island activity. Ngehngehngeh.

 Me exploring the world down under. Ahh. I miss this. Though the water is not clear blue, like Pulau Perhentian, the private snorkeling and the variety of fishes makes me happy. And it's so cheap! RM25 for two snorkeling spots.

 Coming back from Pulau Kapas the next day, we went sight-seeing, tourist style in Kuala Terengganu. They have quite a number of alleys painted with murals and artsy stuffs for photo addicts to be all touristy. 

 Talking about being touristy....

 :)

Then off to Pantai Batu Buruk for fish satay, keropok lekor and sunset!


 Final day in Terengganu, visiting Masjid Kristal and getting our stocks of keropok lekor, before flying back to KL. 

 The thing I love most about the trip will be the company of these amazing four girls. We laughed, joked, gossiped, argued just like the old days. It was so nice spending time with them, after so long being apart. We're all heading in our own directions now, and life is just starting for all of us. I wish we could have more of trips like this! To many more years of friendship, kittens!

xx

Sunday, September 07, 2014

It's hereeeeee

The month that I am always so excited about is hereee!

My birthday month.

I would say that it went off with a great start, first with the trip with my gals, and soon the Bali trip with me love. Luls.

Cant wait for some fun, relaxing time for five days!

Be back soon, people. Hopefully with tons of pictures and stories to tell. :)

xx

Saturday, August 23, 2014

You don't have to try



"Wait a second,
Why, should you care, what they think of you
When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
Do you like you?"- Colbie Caillat, Try

Oh my, I am so in love with this song.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The thing I look forward to

Guess who's going for a vacay end of this month????? Miahaha. Thank you so much girls for taking some time off for this trip! I look forward to spending time giggling and stuffs. ;) 

Counting days to a more productive brain usage. Time to take my mind off things. 

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Gloomy weather

Cheers to my favorite kinda weather! It's raining now, and the room feels so cold, and I'm overjoyed coz it hasn't rained in Nilai for quite some time! Alhamdulillah. :) I wish I could have more days like this. Suddenly the weather is befitting the lonely mood in Nilai. 

I'm actually trying to get a new interest going for me while I'm here. I'm thinking of getting a new hobby, which doesn't involve a person. Coz you know, those kinda thing is never healthy. Being too clingy doesn't sit well with me, which freaks me out! Like, really? Me? No way.

Well, I have a few days to figure it out. Maybe talk some sense into myself. 

Saturday, August 09, 2014

Hey

I think I'm madly in love with you. ;)

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Oblivion



"Are you gonna age with grace?
Are you going to age without mistakes?
Are you going to age with grace,
Or only to wake and hide your face?" -Bastille

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

The wishlist

Hello, earthlings! Too early for my birthday wishlist? Nope. It is not! One more month before my birthday, so as usual, I'm listing down things I want for my birthday. :)

Number uno on the list...
Gucci Bree GG canvas satchel. Ahhhh, I want this so bad! Coz I love slings, and I only wear slings. Hehehe. 

On to a cheaper variation of the Bree, number two and three on my list will be:

 MK Large Hamilton Saffiano Tote in navy or coral blue.
  
Or Kate Spade Cedar Street Maise in electric blue! 

Enough of the slings. Hehe. Fourth item on my wishlist:

Just this. Please. DKNY Westside White Chrono. 

Item number five:
MK Pave Padlock bracelet.
 Coz I haven't got a replacement for my bracelet that broke and got lost on board. Which is sad. So, I need a new bracelet! 

Last thing on my wishlist, but the most important wish of all:
For this fool to move back to KL and be with me. Coz I like having him around, in the same city at least. -,-

That marks the end of my wishlist this year. Can I at least get one wish granted this time? Pwetty puhleasee?? ;)

Talk soon, loves.
Nighty night!

Monday, August 04, 2014

I am.....

An emotional wreck. I have no idea what's wrong with me today. I started crying and couldn't stop. I just miss, everyone. I am beginning to think that this place is driving me crazy. It's a dead town, and it's dead lonely. My level of loneliness being here is just above and beyond.

Or maybe it's my stupid thoughts getting to me again. I keep on thinking that I'm seeing the end, I might just be seeing the end for me and my baby for real. The law of attraction, they say?

That made me cry even more.

In my defense, my thoughts aren't baseless at all. I mean, come on. We practically said our goodbyes already. It's the waiting that drives me crazy. Like you know it'll end sooner or later, and you know why it's gonna end, but you just don't know when. You know what I think on my worst days? "Just please, end it already!" I don't want to be too in love to get my heart smashed into a million pieces again.

Well, some say concentrate on being happy. But it's so hard to do that these days. At the back of my mind I sometimes imagine how it will be over, will I be strong enough to handle it, how long will it take me to recover this time, yada yada yada.

Stupid, right?

I beg to differ. I am preparing myself for the worst. I like having my wall up whenever people get too close. That way I can minimize the damage to myself, coz I always ended up loving too much, caring too much, it's really hard not to get hurt.

Sigh. I'm not one to go on this long when I know there's no way this could work. I guess my naive side still exists. Hoping foolishly that this will somehow work.

But we all know that a relationship is not only between two person. We all know that love doesn't conquer all.

Or maybe I dont understand the concept of being with someone. Even after all these years.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Adulthood vs babyhood

I vote for babyhood any time! Being an infant is so much easier compared to the amount of headaches I'm having now as an adult, so to speak. Ahh, all I have to do as a baby will only be: eat and poop. Awesome. I can do that!

Whereas as an adult, I have to worry about bills, car installment, rent, money for parents, money to save, which leaves very little for me to spend. HAHAHAHA.

Okay, that's a total lie. My priorities are not exactly set in that order. The money to save is always optional, giving me more to spend but on junks i dont need! It frustrates me coz I need to get a new handbag, and a new watch and new pairs of shoes but all I keep buying are none of those. Ughh. Oh and I also need to be saving. Which I realize is so much harder to do.

Sobs.

Me and my terrible money-managing skills. T_T Not to mention my poor self-control.

This month is a painful month, and my whiny self can't help but whine and whine and whine about the amount of money I have to dig for traffic summon and car insurance. Raya is approaching too! I iz saddddd. 10 more days before payday. I shall persevere!

I am up too late now. Gotta wake up in 3 hours. Shait. Talk soon loves!

I mean, whine soon.

xx

Monday, July 14, 2014

Throwback to

Before it was me and you. I had to scroll through quite a handful of pictures to get to the point in my life before I met you. That shows two things: one is that some time has passed since then, and another is that I'm one of those girls that take a lot of pictures and pile them all up in her phone.

I keep on thinking of how things are different now with you around. 

How you make me the happiest girl, how you make my silly self feel okay every time, how you make me love you more and more. 

And I wonder if we can survive this. 

I can't remember what life's like before you. I'm not sure whether now is better than back then, or I am happier now or back then. 

But I'm pretty sure that right now, I want you to stay. No matter how difficult things might be, I want you to stay. 

Saturday, July 05, 2014

Ramadhan this year

People! It's been way too long, I feel like I'm getting rusty at writing. Well, it's not like I have nothing to write about anymore, in contrast, I have tons to tell! Like how I went on a trip to Krabi alone, like how I said goodbye to my girls whom wrapped up their studies in Monash and now are safely at home, the list just goes on and on.

But on to what's current..... Ramadhan. It's a lil too fast, no? One year passes by so fast! Last year, at this time, I was dating someone else, feeling miserable with him, but happy that I was home finally after six years of being away in boarding school and college. I had so much time on my hand last year, I could cook and exercise and monitor my lil rascals, I wish I could have more of that this year.

Hurm, Ramadhan in Nilai so far is VERY lonely and tiring. People would normally break fast with their family or group of friends, or with their significant other, and here I am, most of the time alone in my room munching on whatever I have within arm's reach.

VERY unhealthy.

Seven days fasting, today will mark the first day that I set foot at Pasar Ramadhan. If I managed to find one, that is. As I'm typing stuffs here in my room, my mind flies to the pasar, thinking of what to get to break fast already! Though I strongly believe in moderation when going to places like this, I'm kinda scared that I'll turn into a food-hunting monster once I see what they have in store for me. Hehehe. Typical Chak.

What else is different for Ramadhan this year?

Oh yeah, my first time fasting on board. On some days, I kinda like it, coz time passes by so fast when you're busy with work, and before you know it, it's already time to break fast! I don't get tempted much by food that they serve on board, or even when my colleagues eat, but more by drinks! Hahaha, my oh my, when I see iced-drinks, my mouth starts watering. T_T But hey, everything is under control. What is not under control is my stomach's inability to be totally empty during sahur, which is surprising this year, coz I used to be able to not eat in the morning and go on just fine fasting for the rest of the day. Since the nature of my job involves a lot of energy, it should not come as a surprise for me to get sick on board coz of my empty stomach. That, was not fun, trust me.

So, no more going to work fasting without eating for sahur? Yup. Yup. I have learnt my lesson.

That pretty much sums up my Ramadhan, so far.

I shall go get my food-hunting on now, I believe the pasar is open already! Miahaha, food, here I come!

Stay with me?



 
"Why am I so emotional?

No it's not a good look, gain some self control

And deep down I know this never works

But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

Oh, won't you stay with me?

'Cause you're all I need

This ain't love it's clear to see

But darling, stay with me"- Sam Smith

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Halfway gone

I wonder what it feels like, to be married to someone for 29 years and then no more? 

I can never be as strong as you, but I hope that someday I'll have that kind of strength in facing whatever life throws at me. I know that I havent been a good child, but I will support you all the way, whatever it may be. 

Ahh, thinking about it just keeps making me tear up. 

But if things are beyond saving, why should we pretend that everything is okay? 

Monday, May 19, 2014

All the little things

People! I am now in Sunway, at my old place in the company of Mimo and Lilo. Had a great time catching up with them and stuffs, but kinda sad that they'll be leaving this place soon. :( 

For one, where will I crash next time I'm here??? 

Hahaha. Okay, that's not true, I'll always have a place to crash here at my granny's. 

Lemme start again. For one, I cannot see them whenever I want to anymore! Mimo will be back to Terengganu, and Lilo will be back in Semenyih. Now all of us will be in a long distance relationship. Sobs. I hate LDR, coz I'm such a physical kinda person. 

And then, there's this fact that they're graduating! I'm happy for them, and excited that they'll be joining the boring adult life soon. Hahaha, it makes me feel like all of us are so old now. Dangg, time really flies. 

I'm kinda worried that we'll grow apart with distance, which makes me so sad...

I hope we don't, though. 

We could always go back to this restaurant when that happens? Hahaha, LAME.

Well, I feel like a throwback picture is in order. :) Just a year ago, before Merah and I graduate. Hehehehe.

Can't wait for the next trip! It's been too longgggg

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Prepping for midnight flights

Hello again, people! I'm just awake from my so-called 'nap' and I still have four more hours to burn before I need to go get ready for work. Midnight flight tonight, so I need to conserve my energy for all the patience needed, dealing with people at 4 in the morning.

So, what do I do to prep for a midnight flight?

Eat. Sleep. Eat. Sleep.

No, seriously. This is when I need to eat and sleep more. Why?

Coz nobody can digest beriani or nasi lemak at 3 in the morning. That's why.

And, I won't be having appetite in the middle of the night, but I'll still feel hungry. Better eat now, at least I'll have all the energy I need, for later on.

What else? Coffee. Cups and cups of coffee. Lately, I'm all for Americano. *trying to live healthy here, you see.* Well, who would've thought that I will one day enjoy coffee, let alone black coffee? I feel old now.

Hurm, what now?

Back to sleep.

Before that, a pre-birthday shout out to my love, HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY, MIMO!! Thank you for being such an amazing friend, for entertaining my whiny ass, for sticking by me even though I always tend to get myself into messes and for taking me as I am, even when I feel myself change so much. I love you, partner in crime! To many more years to come! :)

Throwback to when we're young and free. I miss those days!

Well, let's hope the kittens are all available tomorrow or the day after. It's been a whilee!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

What's normal

I was looking at my roster for this month, and then realized that I have minimum rests written all over it. No wonder I've been feeling too tired! Sighhh. But then again, all of this is starting to feel normal for me.

Work is always nice, maybe because I dont have issues with my job. I don't get stressed out, because I meet different people everyday, so thank God for that. It's just that the type of people that I deal with that play a part in making or breaking my day. Hehe.

The new airport? I like it better than the previous one, though my traveling time has doubled since moving there. The walking distance from the office to the bay is also crazy, but I'm holding on to the one positive thing there is, about that. At least it's air-conditioned. Say byebye to getting tanned from standing too long under the sun!

Oh well, I could get used to this.

But I need a break. I need more vacation days with my baby! I need to go out more and explore the world.

Ahhhh. I want to meet someone in the summer. Eh?

Hahahahahaha. I'm kidding. Okay, I'm not. ;)

Sunday, May 04, 2014

Because I'm happy

Hello again, babies! It has been quite a quiet few weeks hasn't it? Well, what can I say, I'm just busy with work, and...stuffs. Namely being in a relationship. Part of the reason why I hate getting myself in a relationship is, it takes a lot out of you. A lot of time, a lot of money, a lot of thoughts and a lot of energy. Funny how I don't seem to mind all of these things anymore.

Because I'm kinda happy now. :)

And you know what happens to happy people?

They grow. SIDEWAYS. My weight gain is really worrying, I should probably go on a diet now. Big cheeks in my red uniform? A big no-no.

The thought of exercising always cross my mind, but.... Oh, you know me. I'm just way too lazy and unhealthy to exercise. Changing my eating patterns and diet is definitely a much more realistic option. So, yeay to veggies and fruits? :)

On to a completely different matter, time is passing by so fast that it's May already! The month where my babies are going to celebrate their 23rd birthday. Awh, they're turning 23! Oh God, I feel like all of us are not ready for this. What? Being 23, entering adulthood, everything is just coming way too fast, I feel like we need a pause button.

I hate growing up.

Which is why he and I were stranded on a mini island doing this. Luls. #lemmetakeaselfie?

Talk soon, loves. 
xx

Monday, April 21, 2014

You know you love someone when

When you feel that familiar stab in your heart. That kinda pain that keeps you awake at night.


Saturday, April 12, 2014

That fear

What's scary about having fears is that it always brings you down. I find that the happier I get, day by day, the stronger the fear that I have of losing that happiness. Damn fear is such a asshole. Is it normal though?

Well, for one it's normal for me.

The tricky thing about constantly having that fear is, it's overshadowing my happiness sometimes. Like, when I feel so loved one moment, the insecurity starts kicking in, and my mind keeps telling me 'hey, I think you like him more than he likes you', or things like 'well, he likes you now, but he'll get bored of you soon'. Can you imagine having those kinda thoughts all the time?

After the thoughts, comes the finding faults.

Every little thing pisses me off, or upsets me. Funny how I can't say out loud what was upsetting, or what makes me mad. Why? Coz half the time the things that makes me mad or upset are just ridiculous, it's embarrassing to say it out loud. The one suffering from my unstable emotional state of course, will be the other party. Poor guy doesn't even know why I'm so mad all of a sudden.

Then I repeat the cycle all over again.

Every time I enter a new relationship or meet a new guy, I'll just torture myself, deprive myself of happiness, because of this fear. Turn myself into one bipolar, psychotic, bitch.

As a result, I don't commit to anyone. Simply because, if I commit to someone and that someone betrays me, I don't think I can handle it. The amount of effort and strength it takes to get out of that emotional slump is just too much, so I choose to not commit and not to trust instead. I mean, the last time I commit to someone, that someone freaking dumped me in the rain and went off with another girl. Yeah, so no. The committed me ceased to exist after the age of 19.

These days though, I find myself trying. Trying to kick the fear away, trying to push my insecurities aside, trying to stop finding faults, trying to commit and trust. Every time I find myself slipping to old habits, I stop, take a deep breath, and think things over. It's not easy, especially the commitment part, but, I'm trying.

If only trying will be enough.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Not a bad thing



"So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me,
Cause you might look around and find your dreams come true, with me
Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love is free,
So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love, with me," -Justin Timberlake Not a Bad Thing

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Riptide

Another short getaway! The view is nice, no? 
More beach days and more..... 
Food! 
Oh, pizza, how I've missed you. 

These kinda trips are burning holes in my pocket. Sobs. I should be eating biscuit till the end of the month. But, I'm freaking sitting at Starbucks in the airport with a glass of iced hazelnut machiatto. Hahahaha. 

I will come to my senses once I land in KL later. When I check my balance, I will cry tears of blood. 15 more days till pay day. Shall persevere! :)

Talk soon, babies. xx

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

We're just friends

Awhh. Always my favorite movie. 

Monday, March 31, 2014

Boys

They fuck you over, every single time. Every. Single. Time.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Never enough

So I woke up from my supposedly 'recovery nap' feeling disoriented and wondering what time it was. Thought it was 7 in the morning, and I panicked a little. I then checked my whatsapp and discovered that my babies were gossiping there still, finally I concluded that it was 7 in the evening. I sat up, checked my phone and decided to take a shower.

As I am writing this, my phone's whatsapp notifications are still popping on my homescreen. I mean, non-stop. And I thought to myself, what else do I want? Why does it always feel like it's never enough? Am I alone? Nope. Am I the kind of person who lives without the love and attention of family and friends? Nope. Then why do I feel like the amount of love and attention that I'm getting now is not enough?

Fucking attention-seeking whore.

You know what I love? Interaction on a face to face basis. Like, actually seeing and touching people. Which is why I love going out to see my friends, and driving back home to Melaka to see my family. Face to face interactions are different. It feels real. Texting and calling on the other hand, well, it's not the same as talking face to face and gauging the reactions and emotions of a person. Somehow, it's superficial.

Maybe that's why I feel like no amount of texting and calls can replace meeting someone in person.

I am not built for this kind of thing. My ability to adapt to these kind of things is highly questionable. I think that I can do it one day, and on other days I just feel like totally giving up.

Where does that leave me anyway?

Putting happiness into the equation, it's all so simple. I'll just do whatever that makes me happy. I've decided that this will be the year for me to be spontaneous and happy. I shall stay true to that and see how things go for me.

People come and go, boyfriends come and go, but family and close friends? They'll always stay.

:)

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Magic




Wanna fall, I fall so far
I wanna fall, I fall so hard
And I call it magic,
And I call it true,
I call it magic. - Coldplay, Magic

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Slow down

Hello babies! I am now writing from the comfort of my own bed, in Melaka. It's been one tiring week at work, it's so good to be back. :) And yeah, it's the school holidays! So the babies are at home, for a one-week break. 

Hurm, I feel like I haven't been spending much time with them lately that it makes me sad. Shall take them out for movies or something tonight. Hee. 

I miss them a lot, I hate the idea of them growing without me. Oh well, what to do, that's life I guess. 

Talk soon, loves. Gotta go get ready for dinner and stuffs.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Happy Mart Makes Me Happy

As I'm writing this, the guy from housekeeping is still making up the room, and I'm almost done applying my make up. Packing, however, is no where near done. In six hours, I'll be on a plane back to KL and will be resuming my duties tomorrow. Hehehe. First of all, let me just say this. It feels so good to have five days off of work! I think I've missed having time to just sit around and do nothing, think about nothing, in short, just chilling. These five days makes me kinda happy, you know why? Coz of gestures like this. 

:) This always puts a smile on my face. 

Well, five days is kinda long for a vacay, don't you think? Let's see what I've been up to these past few days, shall we?

The day that I arrived, we went for the best cendol, nasi kandar and mee! And Penang has all these nice murals, so, tourist shots? Check. 

Second day was the day that I loved most. Coz it's beach day! The breakfast with the egg and toast was just right to start off my day, the trip to Hard Rock and sitting by the beach? Awesome. Fruit ice on a hot sunny day? Double awesome. 

Third day was going uphill day. :) Went for a nice mee goreng and pasembur for lunch, and then off to Penang Hill! The fresh mangoes with ice cream after walking around is heaven. Yums! After sunset at the hill, we went down for seafood by the beach. Hohoho, never knew so much protein can make me so full. My favorites will be: the crab and prawns, of course! 

The fourth day, bless my soul, I forgot to take pictures! We went for curry mee and coconut juice in the morning, char koey teow for lunch, and then off to the beach again. Can't blame me for being obsessed by the beach, I'm a beach kinda person. Hee. So, dinner was at a place called Khun Thai, and the seafood there was great! We ordered too much, though.


So, final day is here! I'm still in the hotel room with my "NEVER SAY MONDAY" crop top, dreading that I have to go to work tomorrow. But hey, I think after a break this long, first day of work will make me happy, still. :) 

Talk to you soon, loves. I'm going down for lunch, and waiting for him to get off work before leaving for the airport. 

xx

Monday, March 17, 2014

So here I am

Waiting for my flight to Penang, finally able to take a break after three months of full-on workworkwork. It feels like ages ago since I last packed my bags and just go somewhere. I'm glad that I finally got around to doing just that. It doesn't matter how I got my off days, I'm just happy for a break! 

Here's to a fun-filled vacay, I guess? ;) 

I need a visit to the beach soon. Next month? 

Friday, March 14, 2014

My industry

Hello, people! I'm enjoying my day off so far, just lying in bed, eating fatty, greasy, creamy stuffs and indulging in gossip sesh with my gal back in Seremban. One rest day, one day off before five days of work?? Oh, I shall make full use of my time then. Hehehe, which is why I'm thinking of going out tomorrow! After doing laundry and cleaning, that is. I'm a lil behind on that, so.....

Well, last night's flight to somewhere in India was pretty interesting, as I get to talk and talk and dish with my leading crew about how it is so hard to meet a decent guy nowadays. ESPECIALLY in our industry. According to stories I heard from senior crews, and personal experiences, I find the common assumptions about pilots being assholes are true. Common assumptions about crews being materialistic, and going after pilots are true as well. 

That is a very general assumption, though. 

I have encountered pilots that are so well-mannered, good, that it breaks my heart that they're attached. I have also met crews who are genuinely kind and are independent women that I aspire to be like them. 

In all fairness, I think it doesn't matter which industry a person is from. If he's an asshole, he's an asshole. If she's a bitch, she's a bitch. There's no saying for sure if a person is from the airlines industry, he/she will possess certain traits. People's perception isn't gonna change, and people will always judge, no matter what. 

One thing I know for sure, regardless which industry we're talking about, the common denominator for women going after men is money. 

I mean, who doesn't like shiny, expensive stuffs, right?

But.... It sure as hell feels good if it's coming from your own pocket. No strings attached and all. :)

Just a lil something to ponder about. Hehehe. Since I still find my industry a lil crazy, and I still am discovering shocking things people do here and there. 

Talk soon, loves. 
xx

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Heart, be still

You're beating too fast, falling so deep, it's kinda worrying.

I don't want you to get hurt.

Home is where the heart is

I'm finally back in Melaka! God, how I've missed home. Lying in my own bed feels awesome, and seeing my kids is soooo good. :) I hate the thought of leaving, the day after tomorrow, back to the same empty house, being alone. 

Well, let's whine about that more in a couple of days, okay?

I just got back from mom's birthday dinner. So full! I feel bad that I haven't been home that much, lately. Just gotta spend more time with her, I guess. 

Happy belated birthday, Mama. I love you to the moon and back! 




:)

Friday, March 07, 2014

Baby, can we dance?



"I know I don't know you, 
But I'd like to, skip the, small talk and romance.
That's all I have to say, so baby can we dance?", The Vamps- Can We Dance

Sunday, March 02, 2014

I was right

You know that feeling where you kinda want to be proved wrong, but it turns out you were right all along? I'm feeling exactly that. Which is kinda annoying in my case. 

Shall not overthink, but I just can't help it. It's how I'm built. I can't function without overthinking or overanalyzing stuffs. It backfires most of the time, but has it ever stopped me before? Nope. I do it all over again. 

First day of work tomorrow! Gotta go sleep now. 

Counting sheeps. Okay bye. 

Saturday, March 01, 2014

Did I tell you?

Did I tell you what happened in February? Told ya it's gonna be a weird month for me. The only difference this year is that it is less depressing. Oh well, I've wrapped up the whole month doing just fine and this time I had good company to add to that. Looks fine to me. Hehe.

But all good things must come to an end. Now back to my routine of watching series and getting burgers for dinner. Sobs. Or maybe not. My babies are back in Sunway finally! I'm pretty sure I'll be here most of the time, so no more lonely self. :)

Let's see how March goes, yeah? I look forward to things being better this month! 

Okay gotta go sleep now. Spending more girls time tomorrow. 

Goodnight!