Sunday, March 30, 2014

Never enough

So I woke up from my supposedly 'recovery nap' feeling disoriented and wondering what time it was. Thought it was 7 in the morning, and I panicked a little. I then checked my whatsapp and discovered that my babies were gossiping there still, finally I concluded that it was 7 in the evening. I sat up, checked my phone and decided to take a shower.

As I am writing this, my phone's whatsapp notifications are still popping on my homescreen. I mean, non-stop. And I thought to myself, what else do I want? Why does it always feel like it's never enough? Am I alone? Nope. Am I the kind of person who lives without the love and attention of family and friends? Nope. Then why do I feel like the amount of love and attention that I'm getting now is not enough?

Fucking attention-seeking whore.

You know what I love? Interaction on a face to face basis. Like, actually seeing and touching people. Which is why I love going out to see my friends, and driving back home to Melaka to see my family. Face to face interactions are different. It feels real. Texting and calling on the other hand, well, it's not the same as talking face to face and gauging the reactions and emotions of a person. Somehow, it's superficial.

Maybe that's why I feel like no amount of texting and calls can replace meeting someone in person.

I am not built for this kind of thing. My ability to adapt to these kind of things is highly questionable. I think that I can do it one day, and on other days I just feel like totally giving up.

Where does that leave me anyway?

Putting happiness into the equation, it's all so simple. I'll just do whatever that makes me happy. I've decided that this will be the year for me to be spontaneous and happy. I shall stay true to that and see how things go for me.

People come and go, boyfriends come and go, but family and close friends? They'll always stay.


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