Monday, August 04, 2014

I am.....

An emotional wreck. I have no idea what's wrong with me today. I started crying and couldn't stop. I just miss, everyone. I am beginning to think that this place is driving me crazy. It's a dead town, and it's dead lonely. My level of loneliness being here is just above and beyond.

Or maybe it's my stupid thoughts getting to me again. I keep on thinking that I'm seeing the end, I might just be seeing the end for me and my baby for real. The law of attraction, they say?

That made me cry even more.

In my defense, my thoughts aren't baseless at all. I mean, come on. We practically said our goodbyes already. It's the waiting that drives me crazy. Like you know it'll end sooner or later, and you know why it's gonna end, but you just don't know when. You know what I think on my worst days? "Just please, end it already!" I don't want to be too in love to get my heart smashed into a million pieces again.

Well, some say concentrate on being happy. But it's so hard to do that these days. At the back of my mind I sometimes imagine how it will be over, will I be strong enough to handle it, how long will it take me to recover this time, yada yada yada.

Stupid, right?

I beg to differ. I am preparing myself for the worst. I like having my wall up whenever people get too close. That way I can minimize the damage to myself, coz I always ended up loving too much, caring too much, it's really hard not to get hurt.

Sigh. I'm not one to go on this long when I know there's no way this could work. I guess my naive side still exists. Hoping foolishly that this will somehow work.

But we all know that a relationship is not only between two person. We all know that love doesn't conquer all.

Or maybe I dont understand the concept of being with someone. Even after all these years.

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