Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Midnight jam



"And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
Coz most of us are bitter over someone,
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them,
But I'm forever.. missing him."

Daughter- Youth

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Giving back

During my idle time these days, whether at home in Dubai, or outstations in my hotel room, I tried considering several things to do. You know, to be productive and all. Well, I haven't done anything to consider myself being productive, but.. the extra time on my hand got me thinking about stuffs. Namely what I'm doing with my life and where I'm heading.

Since I can't figure out yet what to do after Dubai, I have been stressing myself a lot about it. And it doesn't help when the one you're talking to every day seems to have everything figured out. Hearing him talk about it every day sometimes makes me feel like such a failure in life, but also provided me with the necessary kick to not get stuck here.

Anyways, that's not the point. The point is, what can I do to make myself feel better?

Last night on facebook I stumbled upon a video of hungry kids in Africa. It wasn't the first time that I saw these videos and it brought me to tears, but this time I decided to do something about it.

I feel like I can certainly spare RM30 every month to feed hungry kids. And so I did. It's such a small amount, but it gives me joy knowing someone is gonna get food with that money.

So today I learned something new. Even when you don't know where you are going with life, and it upsets you, just remember to be thankful. There is always something to be done about it. If you are looking for fulfillment and self-achievement, there are more things that can give you that feeling, other than the amount of money in your bank.

That's it for now, me lovelies. Hope you have had a very jolly Christmas!

Always full of love,
xx

Monday, December 07, 2015

Things that are long overdue

The thing is, I feel that no matter how long I've postponed the part where I stop feeling, it finally caught up with me. I realize that there are a lot of things that are meant to be done a long time ago. Procrastinating the ultimatum is not only a dumb move, but a move that cost me more of my self-pride than I probably should let myself lose. I've been deluded in thinking that some parts of him still exist to care for me and maybe, just maybe he'll find it in his heart to have me in his life.

Well, consider me the foolish one. For always opening my heart to him, for caring and listening and being there for him. I mean, not that he wasn't doing the same for me, it's just that his intentions were different. It's still strange to me that I always see my future with him. Of us building a life here in Dubai. And for those little moments, nothing else seem to matter. Where we came from, whom we were raised as, what beliefs we stood by.. Nothing.

That itself must make me the biggest fool of all. It took me a while to realize that what he wanted remains the same. What he needed was my company, and whatever feelings I have shall be kept to myself, for I am the only one feeling it. Simply put, I wasn't good enough to be in his life.

I'm beginning to see it now. What it feels like, not being good enough for someone who means so much to me. I gotta say, it is kinda the worst feeling in the world. I also know this, there's nothing else for me to do. I've tried as hard as I can, fought as much as I could, but what's not mine won't be mine no matter what. There's no use in being stubborn about it. It's about time that I let go. Fully. Something that I should've done five months ago. Pretending that we're okay doesn't change the fact that he is through with me, I needed to see that. And I did.

So I'm gonna stop wallowing in self-pity right about now, and go do something about it.

I've been fine being on my own before I met him. I'll be fine now too.

I just have to be brave enough to stand on my own.

Saturday, November 07, 2015

They say

There are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. I wonder which stage I am at now.

I hope that it is at the acceptance stage. I've grieved enough, is what I tell myself time and time again. But occasionally, like today, here I am finding myself grieving once more.

That is just not cool. If I have time to grief, then I must've had too much time on my hands. Have to hit the gym more I guess.

Blergh

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Fight Song



So pumped up hearing this song... Gotta tell you guys this though, my training is finishing in a week! So fast right? I can't believe it too. The next time I'm writing here I might start flying already...

Pray for me guys! :)

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Octoberfest

Oh well, obviously I'm not talking about THAT Octoberfest. Just October in general. Like look how fast time flies! I'm here in Dubai for more than a month now, and tomorrow will be the first day I'll be in the uniform. It's exciting and surreal as well. When I think of how and where I was, to where I am now, I sometimes still can't believe it. I am so so thankful for the choices I made, and the things I gave up, coz I am here now, living this life.

I hope I will continue feeling the same on my hardest days. I hope I will always remember these feelings that I have right now. Of gratitude, and appreciation of so many things in my life.

I hope I'll remember and learn from my mistakes too. I hope I remember to never let myself stoop so low for anyone. Ever.

With that, let's anticipate a wonderful October, full of fond memories and happy times!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Of moving on

Everyone will tell you this: moving on is not easy. Moving on takes time. But you of all people should know. No matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes, you need to do it. You have no choice but to do it.

When you've been with someone for so long, your everyday life revolves around them. From the minute you wake up, to right before you go to sleep, you talk to each other all the time. It is hard to get away from that pattern. There is always someone who's gonna listen to how your everyday went, and as for you, you are curious about all the things that he did the whole day. You rely on each other, which is why it's hard to move on.

The hardest thing about moving on is, telling your heart to let go. Telling your heart not to be hurt anymore by his actions, choices, his new life. Telling your heart to accept that he is no longer yours, and what you used to have, it's all in the past now. With acceptance, you need to remind yourself that it's over, that you both tried, it just won't work. No matter what you do, stop deluding yourself into thinking things will change for the both of you, coz it won't. All you're gonna end up being, is hurt.

Forgiveness. It lifts up a huge chunk of feeling from your chest. When you resent him for all the things he did, for the choices he made, you have that wish that he could do things differently, made a different choice. We all know it won't help you at all. Forgive him, and forgive yourself, you need to be able to get by this and move on.

Finally, talk to someone about it. With moving on, you need a support system if you can't take it on your own. You need someone to remind you not to fall back and linger in your feelings and be stuck in the past.

Be strong. You can make it on your own, never be afraid of being alone. Love yourself first, before you decide on loving someone else. Know how to protect yourself, because no one else will do it for you.

And remember. You deserve all the good things in life. :) So make room for it.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

When you crash and burn

I want to be happy too. But I keep on getting hurt every now and then, I feel like it's unfair. I hate that I always care too much, I hate that I can't seem to stop, I hate that no matter how much I tell myself to be strong I end up breaking down all over again.

I dont want my feelings to show, it hurts to be in love with someone who's moved on. I wish it was easier for me too, as easy as it was for him to forget me. Sometimes I wonder if what we had was real... It feels like only yesterday, we were so happy. It feels like nothing can stop us at the time. Look at us now?

I laugh out loud at the word 'love', whenever I see it now. I fucking hate it, it's stupid and childish and deceiving in every way. People are selfish. They are built that way. He is built that way. I don't know what I was thinking, hoping he would at least consider me and my feelings. How delusional.

And why am I such a forgiving person anyway? When it hurts me so much, all I do is take it all in. Always. Every time.

So blinded, I am so blinded.

I put myself out there only to be taken advantage of. I don't even know what I'm doing with him now. I sometimes forget that we're no longer together. I keep on wandering back to my happy state, talking to him everyday and night, staying up late, all those things that used to make us so happy.

And then I realize how dangerous this is. How it's only gonna be harder for me. How I'm the only one who'll end up getting hurt, again.

This needs to stop. I need to heal.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

And then the year is 24

I can't believe that I'm finally 24, and that my birthday is over! (Of course I'm kidding, and I'll celebrate my birthday for the rest of September, but you get my point...) Everyone knows by now how much I love my birthday, and this year that remains true. Being in Dubai only change a small portion of that, but I'm perfectly fine with changes now. I try to embrace it. :) hahaha granted it was hard at first, but I'm glad that I have my family and friends that make me feel loved even when I'm so far away!

It's still amazing how things are different for me now, to compare it with five, six months ago. I learn big time that nothing is guaranteed in this life, and I have to make the most out of it. With age, I learn the importance of being happy, no matter what. Sad days, heartbreaks, all will pass with time. Prioritizing and doing things that leads to my own happiness, and spreading joy, is what I am getting myself familiar with. Picking myself up when I'm down, cleaning my own mess, all that "growing up" package entails, I'm doing it now.

And every year, I always hope for more. I want to be a better person, I want to aspire greatness, I want to do more for people as much as I want to do more for myself. This year, again I'm thankful for another year living and experiencing things, for the memories made, for all the hellos and goodbyes, for strangers that became friends, for friends that became family, for family that is always so supportive. Thank God for all of that. 

I pray that I'll be granted another year to live, laugh, cry, love, and enjoy all the little things life has to offer. Thank you for making this year a memorable one as well! 
Love,
xx

Monday, September 07, 2015

I dream



"Say you'll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset babe..
Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again,
Even in your wildest dreams,
Wildest dream.."

Saturday, September 05, 2015

Where it's always sunny

Greetings from Dubai, me lovelies! :) I managed to squeeze in some time after my trip to the mall, to update a bit before I get busy with classes and all. So, how are things for you people back home?

I gotta say, Dubai exceeded my expectations! I love it more than I could ever imagine... I am just so thankful that my accommodation is smack right in the city, so it's easy for me to get around! Not to mention, the sight is just.... AMAZING.
 Well, we all know I suck at taking pictures.. But anyways.. :)
 Posh car everywhere! It's crazyyyy
 View from the HQ. Look at em planes, all parked nicely!
 The mosque visit..
The ladies for the day..

Well, one thing I need to get used to here is the heat! Close to 40 degrees, it burns my skin. But other than that, all is good I guess. Not so much different from home. 

I look forward to discovering more of Dubai though. So much to see, and experience still. Till then, miss me more please!

xx

Friday, August 28, 2015

Truth is


I am hurting. So much that it hurts when I breathe, so much that it's hard for me to eat, so much that my fingers are trembling, and there's very little I can do about it.

I have always believed in karma. Like how it would bite you in the ass one day. I thought of that, this morning. Karma biting me hard in the ass. I remembered a long time ago, I was falling hard for this guy. I only learned later that he is with someone, but that didnt stop me from wanting to be with him. Because I liked him a lot. True, I was quite hurt when he told me he had someone, but I didn't feel like it was wrong for me to see him. Eventually, he broke up with that someone, and we started our relationship.

Today, I think back to that time. 

Isn't it sad, when you thought you knew someone, and they turn out to be such a huge disappointment? And me, being the typical me, would always take the pain quietly and go away. 

I am glad I found out sooner. Because I'm such a delusional person, sometimes I fail to see what's in front of me. I always choose to see only the good in people. Which is always the case with all of my exes. The one that cheats, the one that is not into me, basically everyone is always forgiven, and regardless of how they treated me, I'll always say that they're a good person.

Which leads me to think that I might actually be blind. Thing is, men are all the same. I know making a generalization is harsh, but every bit of it is true. 

As true as the fact that I'm leaving for Dubai tomorow. God grant me strength to go through this challenging times. 

I need time for this. I guess I'm the one who loved more.

Thursday, August 06, 2015

The opposite

Today I learned this one thing. The opposite of the word I love you is not I hate you.

It is I loved you.

Kinda sad, no?

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Thank you

Elena: "I wanna see you, but it makes me reckless",
Damon: "So why am I here? Do you wanna move on? Move on."
Elena: "I never got to say thank you."
Damon: "For what?"
Elena: "Thank you. I want to thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love that consumed me, and passion. Adventure. There's nothing more I could ever want other than for it to last forever, but.. It can't. This is the last time I'm gonna see you. This is goodbye. I love you, but I have to let go."

T_T

Monday, July 13, 2015

Saying goodbye

So I opened my Dubai portal, to see the countdown again. I have 46 days before leaving the country, for three years. I feel like these days I reminisce a lot on the good things here, so it's harder for me to say goodbye and let go. That aside, I intend to make the most of the remaining 46 days, spending quality time with my family and friends.

Since I'm such a nostalgic person, such a drama queen, I like exaggerating on stuffs. We all know that after leaving my company, I'll probably be back in Melaka, feeding myself fat and watching series on my laptop.

Which brings me to this, I am actually only flying for three more days before hanging my red uniform for good in the closet! Two years passes by so fast, isn't it? I am excited to leave for a better place, but am also sightly sad leaving familiar ground. Selangor has been my home for six years now. I have favorite places I go to, places I have yet to explore, so many things I'm leaving behind here.

The thought of being an expat, scares me a little bit. Not having the familiarity of my own language, food, people, customs and laws, scares me.

Going there alone, scares me too.

But we do what we gotta do to get by in life. I hope for more adventures, more opportunities for me to grow and be a better person. I hope in leaving, I won't be coming back empty-handed.

Saying goodbye-wise, I just came back from Penang yesterday. Who knew I would've fallen in love with that place? A year and a half frequenting that island, I have favorite places I said goodbye to, too.

After raya, I'm going back to Kedah. Another favorite place of mine from childhood. I wonder how much it has changed, the last time I was there was three years ago.

So I guess now all I need to do is prepare myself to leave...

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Always be my baby

I realized today how hard it is when things end between you and your other half. There's a reason why they are called our other halves, after all...

Imagine being together for so long, talking every day, seeing each other whenever we can, it is hard to get out of that routine. I think the strangest thing is, I feel more like I'm losing my best friend when we ended things. And that is just, sad. I felt so lost in the beginning as he was my everything. Everything in a sense that, he's my counselor, my cheerleader, my tough friend, my financial advisor, just, everything.

I couldn't accept the fact that I had lost him in the beginning, even though I knew deep down there's no way for us to make things work. No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much he loved me, we both were thinking about our families first. When it comes down to it, I think we were both glad that a decision was made, and we, should stop being in a relationship.

So where does that leaves us, then?

For one, I cannot imagine not talking to him anymore. It's not like we fought, and I hate him, and he hates me, those kinda things, it's just that we had come to an understanding that there is no future in the relationship.

I guess it's gonna take a very long time for me to stop being in love with him. It is also gonna take us even more time to transition from being lovers to just friends.

I know for a fact that I'll be loving him for a long time, and it's okay. I am always grateful that he was a part of my life once, as that year and a half was really beautiful. I just pray to God that He will ease my pain going through this.

All I need is time. Time heals everything, or at least part of it, isn't it?

Saturday, July 04, 2015

No promises

You know I have this fear, of you coaxing me and making sure that I'm okay, only to later tell me it's not working out anyway?

I am scared to face the fact that, there's a chance you wouldn't want to fix this.

I don't wanna lose you..

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

When you take things for granted

There's no one else to blame but me, at the end of the day. I didn't realize I could be such a horrible person. With that, I also destroyed the only thing that's making me happy for a while. I don't know how to fix this. I am beyond broken, and it's all my fault.

I wish so much that I could turn back time. I wish I hadn't said what I said, I wish I had done things differently.

Then maybe, I would still have you by my side.

You make me a better person, you taught me a lot of things for me to grow in life, I just wished you will be there for longer to teach me more.

I've always thought you'll be by my side for a long long time, which is why I'm in this state.

I never thought I'd have to let you go....

I am hurting so bad and I don't know what to do, I couldn't stop crying. I guess I realized what I had only when it's gone.

If only you know how much I love you, and how much you mean to me. If only.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Clearing the cobwebs

Greetings, people! How's Ramadan so far? I hope it's been treating you well. I wish I hadn't say to myself last year that I'd be a better person this Ramadan, then this will not be as big as a slap on my face, you see. Anyways, Ramadan this year isn't so bad as I managed to spare some time with the fam bam.

And, I just did my Lasek mid-June! My eyes are recovering fine, so I'm excited for first Raya without my specs and lenses. To be honest, I'm excited for a whole lot of things to do without my specs! :) Imagine going snorkeling, diving, swimming, and all the likes finally being able to see clearly... I still feel grateful that the procedure went well and so does the recovery. 

My Dubai dream however, is just awaiting approval as my eyes need to recover properly. Hope everything goes well for that one as well. I'm like, neither here nor there yet as of now. Hehehe. 

Crap. And now it's July. 

I'm supposed to leave in August. Time really flies, no? 

I feel like, it's such a short time to say goodbye. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

No where to go but up



I'm gonna place my bet on us,
I know this love is heading, in the same direction
And that's up

Friday, April 10, 2015

I wish

I wish I didnt care so much about petty little things. I wish so hard that I am cool with every single thing. But I am not. It is just not in me. 

Why is it when I care so much about someone, I become so obsessed? It's unhealthy. I hate this feeling of wanting more. I hate that the thing I'm most talented in is, is destroying the things that I have.

Hurting the ones that I love. 

I say it time and time again. With every failed relationship I ask God again, "Is there something wrong with me? Why do I always like to put a dent on my own happiness, almost like an addiction?" 

I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy after all these years. 

So why am I sitting here, crying alone at night? 

I have regrets. I push people away. Even the one who I thought will persevere after all the ugliness shows. 

I will fix this. I will sleep it off and fix this. I've come so far to finally be happy, and I'm not gonna let my foolishness get in the way. Nor my ego. 

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

What I least expected

Is to be moving countries! It feels so surreal, that this is happening, I still can't wrap my head around it.

I am excited, and happy and sad at the same time. Excited to go to a new place, happy that I made it through after all the drama, and sad to be leaving my people here.

I'm choosing not to think to much on this now. I'll wait for the finalized call, and go from there.

For now, Tokyo! Seven more days to the land of the Sun~ :)

Sunday, March 29, 2015

The first year

Hello people! I have been busy catching up with my series lately that I've totally abandoned this blog! Worry not, my friends, this will continue as I proudly scroll through season 10 and 11 of Grey's Anatomy. Hehehe. So please, bear with me. I need to have one post about my first year anniversary, because I've NEVER reach a year before, but just mainly to remember how I'm feeling right now.

This happy, always on cloud nine kinda feeling. I don't want it to past...

Since it's so hard for us to have the same off days a few months back, when our leave finally got approved mid March (both of us, that is) we were psyched! We chose Cameron Highlands for a short anniversary trip and we love it. Gotta admit I wasn't excited about the drive up and down the highland as I'm a carsick freak, but... it was worth the agony. :)

Pictures then?

 I took a flight to Penang to meet up with him before we drove down to Cameron. He got me my favorite flowers, Miss Gerberas! I couldn't be happier. :)

 Our first stop after a much vomit-inducing drive. At the Greenview Garden, having this Strawberry Strudel and Strawberry Juice, that saved my life. (I was on the verge of dying from carsickness, you see) T_T

 The thing at the background is lavender actually, but I think it's dying from being exposed under the hot sun for too long. The person next to me, I am very much in love with. Hehehe

 Next stop, the Lavender Garden. We had hokkaido ice cream that is far too sweet for our liking, and also fried vege! I couldn't have enough of that stuff. I think it's called water lily or something, but that vege tasted yummeh!

 I was so excited to see Miss Gerberas' family, a visit to this place makes me so happy!

 Our Brangelina moment at the morning market.

On our last day there, visiting the BOH plantations, where this guy went crazy buying teas. :P

I love how he always know how to surprise me. I gotta say one thing though, his handmade cards are the best! It's visually attractive, not to mention, so so sweet. This is the gift I love most, out of all the surprises he prepared for the trip. I remembered just being silent after reading the card, coz I'm just overwhelmed by his efforts and thoughts for me. Thank you, baby.

The anniversary gift came as a surprise for me coz we planned on getting other stuffs for each other. Remember the Pandora ring I wanted to get for myself on my birthday? I got it earlier from him as my anniversary gift. I love love it. :D

Overall, it was a nice meaningful trip for us, and it also prepared us weather-wise for Tokyo. I can't wait for mid April already! Our rosters are out, tickets and hotels are booked, I am excited!

Talk soon, people.

xx

Friday, February 27, 2015

Why I love you more and more every day

Because you go the extra mile. It's hard for me to find someone who's willing to do that for me. You support me in whatever that I do, you lift me up when I'm down, and you still make me the happiest person on top of all that.

Sometimes when I sit by myself thinking about the things you did for me, I know it's true when you say you love me. I feel that more than anything.

I am grateful for that, truly.

I am the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you for making me feel that, every time. :)

I pray that the day where you and I will say goodbye never comes.

What are you thankful for today, people?

xx

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Unkiss me



"Unkiss me, untouch me, untake this heart." -Maroon 5


Beautiful, Adam. Beautiful. :)



Thursday, February 19, 2015

Munchkin

I miss this guy. I wish he'd never have to leave. He takes away a small piece of me with him every time he leaves. 

Be here soon, baby. ;((((((

I'm such a crybaby I know. 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

I wish you'd try

"Oh how I wish you'd try...

You're not supposed to give me the answer now, you're supposed to at least try. I gave you months to consider and the least you can do is pretend to give it a thought. It's just kinda sad when you made up your mind so soon to not have me in your life, without even considering to try. It's just kinda sad that no matter how I look at it, I can't seem to get over the fact that you don't love me enough to try and make it work for us.

Maybe I've been in a world of my own these days, so blinded by my love for you that I fail to see the thing that's been staring at me right in the face. I'm willing to fight for us, but you don't. Clear cut, isn't it?

This all feels too familiar. The feeling of being dumped. The feeling of not being good enough for someone to love me for me.

Shit. This really hurts."

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Wishlist

I realized that I haven't been looking at rings for such a long time! It's my ultimate favorite, when I pass by jewelry stores. Nowadays I just walk past them, totally looking at other stuffs like FOOD.

But then when I flew with my batchmate who just got engaged, my interest peaked once again, coz her ring is so pretty!

I want the exact same one.
This one from Pandora is only RM 211. I might get it for myself for my birthday this year, as a birthday treat! :)

I mean, who doesn't want a bow on their finger? Ahhh, I can't wait.

Sunday, February 08, 2015

Three more months

So now we wait.

But for now, hold on with all your might. Hug tighter, kiss more, and love fiercely.

For in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Why I love Tom Odell



"Take my mind and take my pain,
Like an empty bottle takes the rain,
Heal, heal, heal, heal.

Take my past and take my sin,
Like an empty sail takes wind,

Heal, heal, heal, heal.

Tell me some things, lasts.
Tell me some things lasts. "

:) Oh, how soothing.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Little by little

Scraping at the edges little by little. All I need is time, and a lil patience.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Sunday Funday

One year passes by so fast, no? My niece is now one year old! With me working ever since she was born, I had very little time to spend with her, but I enjoyed seeing pictures of her sent in the family group chat.

Look at this chubby white baby!

 Ha. That stare.
I kinda hate her new hair, it's too short~ I mean why would you wanna cut her hair? Whyyyy?

I noticed that she kinda lost her baby fats a lot. She's also so much taller now, I wonder if I'd still be able to carry her around.Sighh.

Anyways, I can't wait to see her on February 1st! I hope I'll be able to make it, though. I'm working in the morning, so I'm thinking of going a night if I can. It's been too long since this aunty laid eyes on her, what if she can't recognize me? T_T

Friday, January 23, 2015

What positivity does to you

It builds you. It lifts you up, even on the most messed up day. It helps you wake up in the morning, and it drives you every single day. It makes you look at the world in a different light. It makes you worry less, it drives you to fix things instead of whining about it.

I feel like earlier this month, I was filled with so much negative-ness, it makes me hate the world. With the lost of Oyen to add to that, I resented even having to get up and go to work.

Anyways, what I'm saying is, negativity consumes you. It destroys your relationship with people. It drives them away. You know why? Because negativity spreads.

So why be negative, when it's so much better to have a positive outlook on everything?

Okay, to be honest, on my worst days, I mope around and roll around with negative thoughts it's unhealthy. I want to reduce that now. :)

I think the best way to do that is to start being thankful. One small thought, per day. What are you thankful for? It makes you think about how lucky you are, compared to other people. And that, is not a bad thing.

The next thing is, value your relationships. Value your family, think about how they've helped you through difficult times, and try to make them happy. I believe that if you make people happy, you will somehow find satisfaction in that, and you too, will be happy. Value your friends, as these are the people who somehow knows you best. They listen to you whine, and if you ever need a good laugh, they never fail to entertain. Value your other half, think of how happy they make you feel, and always seek comfort from that feeling. These are the things that will make you think and feel, like you're never alone. You won't feel lonely.


Get things going guys. We are always in the search for happiness, but really, it is all from within. :)

Be kind to others, give help whenever you can, do a good deed once in a while. You will feel happy.

And remember, if all else fails, talk to God. Seek comfort in knowing that he's always there, and things will get better if you work for it.

Spread positivity and love, everyone! It doesn't cost you a thing.

xx.


Tuesday, January 20, 2015

And then the month is 10

One year ago, exactly on this day, 20th of January, I was scheduled to fly to Hong Kong and back. I still remember, it was only my first month flying, so everything was exciting for me still. That fateful night, I met this awesome guy whom months after rocked my world.

I am still very much in love with this particular guy, to put it simply, he brings so much joy in my normally idle life. Our journey together wasn't an easy one, we are always tested in ways that sometimes make us want to give up on each other. But, we always persevere in the end. It's a beautiful feeling when you found that someone who is willing to fight for you as much as you're willing to fight for him. I cherish what we have so much now.

Point is, no matter where this thing takes us, no matter where we end up in life years later, looking back, I would be glad of having him in my life right now. I love how we seem to grow together with each passing day, how we learn and discover the world and things about us we never knew existed before. The thing I love most is, how we make each other grow into a better person.

I wish I could just pause the time and stay in this moment forever. But we all know that that is not possible. So, here I am writing this down instead. In hope that one day I will remember and look back to this one moment in my life where I'm the happiest.

Thank you for a wonderful 10 months, baby. Here's to many more happy months to come! :)

Picture is from our Phuket trip earlier this month.

 Ahh, I am so in love with this guy I'm smiling in my sleep. LOL. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

A letter for Oyen



Remember when you were little, Oyen? Mummy Ira almost stepped on you one night near Mc Donalds, and brought you home soon after? Granny was furious in the beginning, we never rear animals at home to begin with, so she didn't know what to do. But then you were so tiny and frail, and you are so adorable she decided to keep you. As for me and your uncles, it took us a while to get used to having you around coz we were never fond of kittens before that.

Slowly, one by one, you charmed us all. You were such an active kitten, you liked to run around the house, you loved sleeping on my bed, you loved napping in front of the sliding door, and you liked to go out every chance you got.

Remember when your Mummy Rina would use to scream your name, and climbed over the neighbor's fence to bring you home? You were in your naughty phase at the time. You would go out to all the neighbors houses and play with other cats. Your Mummy Rina, uncles and Granny would always go out to find you in fear you'll get bullied or hit by passing cars. And you always would come home. You always would.

You were your Mummy Rina's favorite. She practically raised you. She was the one who fed you, bathed you and took you for your shots at the vet. She would always scold you when you went out exploring the neighborhood. She also held your hand, held you, when you were dying in her arms.

Even as I'm typing this down, it doesn't feel real that you're no longer with us Oyen. You left us all so suddenly, it felt like it was only yesterday you were a tiny little kitten seeking shelter. You grew up to be such a beautiful cat, and earned a place in all our hearts. Thank you for bringing so much joy in our little broken family. It's time for you to rest now, my furry friend. We will always remember you as the first cat we brought home, the first cat that opened our hearts to how beautiful the feeling of having a pet is.

I am not ready for goodbye yet, Oyen. But it is something that I must do to go on with living. I'm praying that you're now no longer in pain and is happier wherever you are.

I love you so very very very much, Oyen.

xx