Friday, April 10, 2015

I wish

I wish I didnt care so much about petty little things. I wish so hard that I am cool with every single thing. But I am not. It is just not in me. 

Why is it when I care so much about someone, I become so obsessed? It's unhealthy. I hate this feeling of wanting more. I hate that the thing I'm most talented in is, is destroying the things that I have.

Hurting the ones that I love. 

I say it time and time again. With every failed relationship I ask God again, "Is there something wrong with me? Why do I always like to put a dent on my own happiness, almost like an addiction?" 

I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy after all these years. 

So why am I sitting here, crying alone at night? 

I have regrets. I push people away. Even the one who I thought will persevere after all the ugliness shows. 

I will fix this. I will sleep it off and fix this. I've come so far to finally be happy, and I'm not gonna let my foolishness get in the way. Nor my ego. 

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

What I least expected

Is to be moving countries! It feels so surreal, that this is happening, I still can't wrap my head around it.

I am excited, and happy and sad at the same time. Excited to go to a new place, happy that I made it through after all the drama, and sad to be leaving my people here.

I'm choosing not to think to much on this now. I'll wait for the finalized call, and go from there.

For now, Tokyo! Seven more days to the land of the Sun~ :)