Saturday, September 26, 2015

Of moving on

Everyone will tell you this: moving on is not easy. Moving on takes time. But you of all people should know. No matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes, you need to do it. You have no choice but to do it.

When you've been with someone for so long, your everyday life revolves around them. From the minute you wake up, to right before you go to sleep, you talk to each other all the time. It is hard to get away from that pattern. There is always someone who's gonna listen to how your everyday went, and as for you, you are curious about all the things that he did the whole day. You rely on each other, which is why it's hard to move on.

The hardest thing about moving on is, telling your heart to let go. Telling your heart not to be hurt anymore by his actions, choices, his new life. Telling your heart to accept that he is no longer yours, and what you used to have, it's all in the past now. With acceptance, you need to remind yourself that it's over, that you both tried, it just won't work. No matter what you do, stop deluding yourself into thinking things will change for the both of you, coz it won't. All you're gonna end up being, is hurt.

Forgiveness. It lifts up a huge chunk of feeling from your chest. When you resent him for all the things he did, for the choices he made, you have that wish that he could do things differently, made a different choice. We all know it won't help you at all. Forgive him, and forgive yourself, you need to be able to get by this and move on.

Finally, talk to someone about it. With moving on, you need a support system if you can't take it on your own. You need someone to remind you not to fall back and linger in your feelings and be stuck in the past.

Be strong. You can make it on your own, never be afraid of being alone. Love yourself first, before you decide on loving someone else. Know how to protect yourself, because no one else will do it for you.

And remember. You deserve all the good things in life. :) So make room for it.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

When you crash and burn

I want to be happy too. But I keep on getting hurt every now and then, I feel like it's unfair. I hate that I always care too much, I hate that I can't seem to stop, I hate that no matter how much I tell myself to be strong I end up breaking down all over again.

I dont want my feelings to show, it hurts to be in love with someone who's moved on. I wish it was easier for me too, as easy as it was for him to forget me. Sometimes I wonder if what we had was real... It feels like only yesterday, we were so happy. It feels like nothing can stop us at the time. Look at us now?

I laugh out loud at the word 'love', whenever I see it now. I fucking hate it, it's stupid and childish and deceiving in every way. People are selfish. They are built that way. He is built that way. I don't know what I was thinking, hoping he would at least consider me and my feelings. How delusional.

And why am I such a forgiving person anyway? When it hurts me so much, all I do is take it all in. Always. Every time.

So blinded, I am so blinded.

I put myself out there only to be taken advantage of. I don't even know what I'm doing with him now. I sometimes forget that we're no longer together. I keep on wandering back to my happy state, talking to him everyday and night, staying up late, all those things that used to make us so happy.

And then I realize how dangerous this is. How it's only gonna be harder for me. How I'm the only one who'll end up getting hurt, again.

This needs to stop. I need to heal.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

And then the year is 24

I can't believe that I'm finally 24, and that my birthday is over! (Of course I'm kidding, and I'll celebrate my birthday for the rest of September, but you get my point...) Everyone knows by now how much I love my birthday, and this year that remains true. Being in Dubai only change a small portion of that, but I'm perfectly fine with changes now. I try to embrace it. :) hahaha granted it was hard at first, but I'm glad that I have my family and friends that make me feel loved even when I'm so far away!

It's still amazing how things are different for me now, to compare it with five, six months ago. I learn big time that nothing is guaranteed in this life, and I have to make the most out of it. With age, I learn the importance of being happy, no matter what. Sad days, heartbreaks, all will pass with time. Prioritizing and doing things that leads to my own happiness, and spreading joy, is what I am getting myself familiar with. Picking myself up when I'm down, cleaning my own mess, all that "growing up" package entails, I'm doing it now.

And every year, I always hope for more. I want to be a better person, I want to aspire greatness, I want to do more for people as much as I want to do more for myself. This year, again I'm thankful for another year living and experiencing things, for the memories made, for all the hellos and goodbyes, for strangers that became friends, for friends that became family, for family that is always so supportive. Thank God for all of that. 

I pray that I'll be granted another year to live, laugh, cry, love, and enjoy all the little things life has to offer. Thank you for making this year a memorable one as well! 

Monday, September 07, 2015

I dream

"Say you'll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset babe..
Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again,
Even in your wildest dreams,
Wildest dream.."

Saturday, September 05, 2015

Where it's always sunny

Greetings from Dubai, me lovelies! :) I managed to squeeze in some time after my trip to the mall, to update a bit before I get busy with classes and all. So, how are things for you people back home?

I gotta say, Dubai exceeded my expectations! I love it more than I could ever imagine... I am just so thankful that my accommodation is smack right in the city, so it's easy for me to get around! Not to mention, the sight is just.... AMAZING.
 Well, we all know I suck at taking pictures.. But anyways.. :)
 Posh car everywhere! It's crazyyyy
 View from the HQ. Look at em planes, all parked nicely!
 The mosque visit..
The ladies for the day..

Well, one thing I need to get used to here is the heat! Close to 40 degrees, it burns my skin. But other than that, all is good I guess. Not so much different from home. 

I look forward to discovering more of Dubai though. So much to see, and experience still. Till then, miss me more please!