Thursday, November 09, 2017

Preparing for winter

The time of the year where it's busiest in Dubai is finally here! Tourists flock in this city I call home as the temperature is just nice for people from colder countries, and there's plenty of sun to catch. I must admit, it's my favorite time of the year too. Sun is strong, but it's cool enough to take a walk outside.

I look forward to spending more time outside winter this year.

I want to keep myself busy, so I'll probably write more as well. I have no clue on what, but it always feels nice for me to just write. Weird, I know.

As of now, I'm sitting on the balcony of his house trying to enjoy my last few days here. They say home is where the heart is, and so I've been making home with him here for more than a year now. Time for me to get settled again in my own house, or room, I should say.

I will miss this place a lot, the way so much sun comes in the house the whole day, how when I looked out the windows, there's so much for me to see. I love the comfort in knowing I'll come home and someone will be waiting for me with a hug even on my worst days. I will miss that the most.

But, this strong girl will go and make her home comfortable again. I will make a home in my own house this time.

I have to also start making plans for next year. 2017 just went by so fast I didn't even have time to catch my breath. For starters, more travel plans will be great. There's so much for me to see in the world. I'm fortunate to have this job, so I'll make full use of the cheap tickets and travel perks meanwhile.

That's not bad at all right?

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

What is real and what will never be

We tend to focus on what we needed to believe than what is real. Because sometimes in life, that is the easier path. What I needed was a reason for me to hate you. That is why it is easier for me to believe that whatever we had wasn't real, and all those years were times wasted for us. The more I do that, the more I nitpick on things that can't be helped. The more I blame you for things, the more I led you to believe that you could help us on this one. You could change things, and we could be together. 

I've been selfish all this while because I needed to stay with you, I wanted to be with you. I wish so desperately that you'd forgive me for that.

All this going back and forth and saying things and considering options, in fact, is tearing us apart. It makes me forget about things that are real. It makes me forget that underneath it all, you love me more than I know, or would like to admit.

What is real is that you are the most amazing person I know, and because of you I now know how it is to be treated right. You are my best friend, and lover and all the things I wish for in a husband. You will never be mine, but I'd like to think that I've been privileged to know you. You make me a better person, and you inspire me to make way for my dreams. In all this mess, I sometimes forget that. 

What is real is the way I am when I'm with you, and the way you still make me laugh after all these years. All the sadness and pain we are going through now can never take away that. The good memories made. Everything. I will keep it close to my heart, and remember it all. I am happy with you. I love this person with his flaws and his whole being. I love you. In all this mess, I sometimes choose to not feel that, to not show that. I cower and think that if I show and choose to feel, I'd be more hurt at the end of the day.

But you took away all of that, and even when I think I could not possibly love you more, I'd end up falling for you again and again. So here is my white flag, I surrender. I accepted what will never be, but I will also not shy away from what is real. I will not torment myself on that. I will bask in the things that you did for me, the way you love me, I will feel it all. I am proud of that. Proud of the love we had. 

It will be difficult, to move on, but I will stand back up one day. And you would too. 

I am acknowledging what is real, and accepting what will never be. 

There's something right in that, finally.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

No easy love

"How many times can we pick up the same fight?
Can we keep screaming all night
And make up until it's light?
That's when I say that you're right
And feel your body on mine
Oh maybe that's why I stay

I could be somewhere
Chillin' on the beach
I could be with someone
Makin' me happy
But that would be too easy, love
And I don't want no easy love"

Ice and Fire

It's been a month since my Iceland trip, and by far it's the best trip I've had! So much of the nature and places in Iceland that you think you can only see in movies. Half the place look straight out of the Earth and it really makes you marvel in the power of the Creator.

Six days, and I wanted more!

I've posted tons of photos on social media and one whole album on Facebook just for the trip. Coz we took way too much photos, of basically everything.

Itinerary- wise, we opted for the Ring road, starting from Reykjavik, moving east and making one whole round back to Reykjavik by the end of day 6.

Transport was a 4x4 with a tent attached on top, which is the best as it allows us more flexibility in terms of where to call it a night, especially after long drives. All we needed to do was search for a campsite to park and bathe and cook and sleep before starting afresh the next day.

Awesome ride! It comes with GPS for navigation, and all the gears are loaded inside the car, so you can have a little picnic here and there. How cool is that?

Flight arrangement: Dubai to Frankfurt (Emirates), Frankfurt to Keflavik (Lufthansa)
                                 Keflavik to Amsterdam (Icelandair), Amsterdam to Rome (KLM), Rome to                                           Dubai ( Emirates)

As you can see, the flight return was a bit messed up as  our connecting flight back to Dubai was full, so we had to make a different connection back to Dubai. Hahahaha, perks of being on a standby ticket I guess.

Day 1: The Golden Circle

Keflavik arrival was just after midnight, and the car rental pickup was at 7 am. So we slept at the airport! Hahahaha, never felt so homeless before, but sleeping on a cold hard floor definitely gives you the feels for it.

We decided to go for the Golden circle, which is a short day trip going to the southern part and coming back to Reykjavik for the night. But of course, we could only plan, right?

After groceries, we headed for the Laxness Horse Farm before making our way to Thingvellir National Park. It was sort of dipping our feet in the pool to test the waters, for Iceland I guess. We were so excited when we started the drive because everywhere you look is a photo opportunity!

Getting acquainted with the Icelandic horse.

Standing in between the separated tectonic plates, at Thingvellir. Oh?
Finishing off the Golden circle was two places that's close to each other, the Geysir, and our first of many Iceland waterfalls, the Gullfoss.

Where the exploding geysers are the game in town

Sun setting over Gullfoss. Perfect end to the first day.

Day 1 ended with us camping near Geysir as we were too tired to drive back to Reykjavik. Flexibility is key!

Day 2: Reykjavik and Blue Lagoon

We wanted to just explore Reykjavik itself and relax at the Blue Lagoon, and so we did. Weather was cloudy, which was perfect for the Blue Lagoon, otherwise we'd be sunburnt already.

The water was warm, which was perfect for dipping in the cold 12 degrees weather. And the package we took came with nice silica and algae mask,plus free drinks!

This time around, we drove to camp two hours away so that we can wake up to the Seljalandfoss. We pushed for it even when we were so tired from our long day. Half way driving we decided to take a nap at a petrol station. And that's when the magic happens..

We saw a shooting star with aurora at the same time! I've never seen a shooting star in my whole entire life, so it was the perfect birthday present for me. It's so beautiful I've never seen anything like it... Now you're wondering why there's no photo. I was just enjoying the moment, duhhhh. 

Day 3: Strong Fosses, THAT plane and The Black Sand Beach

My birthday kicked off with two of the most famous waterfalls, located next to each other. The Seljalandfoss, famed for breath-taking sunrise and also Skogafoss, where double rainbows makes it look like the gate to another world.

I know. This place doesn't look real.

Then off to the walk, that changes our lives. Oh no, really. 

A DC-3 plane wreckage sits in Solheimasandur Beach, which is where it's been since it's crash in 1973. Interesting for me as I've never been IN a plane wreck before. The only thing was the walk to the site, which is one hour each way. 

Look how blue the sky is! 

Cool eh? Imagine where the seats are, on my left and right.

Reynisfjara Beach is a different story. Pebbles for sand, black as coal, this beach is definitely unique and have that alien feel to it.

It was featured in the film Noah and Star Wars: Rogue One. Mr Google told me that. Hehe.

Day 4: Ice, Ice Baby!

We began the day slightly earlier this time, going to Fjadrargljufur a very high canyon which is 100m deep and runs about 2km long. Well, looking down from the top definitely made my tummy turns inside out. 

Then, the glacier lagoon awaits! Jokulsarlon is a cool cool place to hang out at, literally. The ice from glaciers wash up ashore, and you can see big, pretty-looking blue ice rocks floating everywhere. As it goes deeper and deeper into winter, more seals will come and stay. And, my oh my, such cute beings them seals are. 

Look at how deep the crack is!

Pretty eh? I love how the blue ice reflects the color of the skies.

Then began our long 6 hours drive crossing the Eastern Fjords to the thermal town, Myvatn.

Day 5: Thermal Town

This town is unique because it's high in volcanic activity. So you'll see openings on the ground here and there where steam escapes. We went to Lake Myvatn, visited the boiling mud pits in Hverir, and wandered inside the hidden water bath at Grjotagja.

I think we can steam an egg here. Smelled like rotten eggs too. 

Blup, blup, the boiling mud goes.

Magical cave, where I wish no one was there, so I can soak in it on my own. Oh, how lovely.

Then off we go, to the most magnificent waterfall I've seen so far... Godafoss.

I'd say it's made for the Gods.

Day 6: Akureyri, I Don't Want to go Home

We explored this second most populated town in Iceland and had a relaxing day just going around and finally splurged on lunch in their local restaurant. Then, we drove another long 5 hours back to Reykjavik where we camp for our final night before leaving for the airport in the wee morning hours.

I was sick of lamb after this meal though. Hahaha, I guess Icelandic food is not for me.

That concludes my 6 days in Iceland! On to more adventures, because I'm hungry for more!

Tuesday, September 05, 2017

Are you ready for it?

The birthday month is here! Hahaha I'm always excited when September comes around. Yes, coz EVERYDAY in September is my birthday. I'm blessed with this job, so this year another birthday trip awaits! I'm especially excited for it because it's a destination I've always wanted to explore, and to finally be able to go is a dream come true.

Someone asked me, why do you always obsess yourself with birthdays?

Well, to be honest, I don't actually know since when I've been obsessing about birthdays. But the gist of it all is, isn't it a good thing to celebrate yourself living, and reminiscing your rise and falls throughout the years? If you are unhappy this year, make the change so that by the time you look back next year, there's something to be happy about. Besides, who else but you, can genuinely celebrate yourself?

There's beauty in birthdays in a sense that it gives me that reminder to never stop loving myself. And a lot can come from that. Self loving goes a long way for a better, happier you!


Anyways...Five more days to the trip, I could hardly wait.


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

There's someplace I'd rather be


It's very frustrating for me to not be able to swap my flight to go home, especially to be missing my family trip and the upcoming Eid. I saw photos and I'm like green all the way with envy, because I wanted to be there too! I wanna play sandcastles with my nieces by the beach, and take cute photos for them at the 3D museum, and and and take them on a cable car ride. Oh, how nice.

Instead here I am sitting at home contemplating on where to spend my family time next. That will be all the way in December! It feels so far away.. Three more months of me missing my little angels. 

Looks like they're having fun without me.. sobs.

And since when my little babies become such posers anyway? 

See you not so very soon my loves. 

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Put in a little effort

The thing I hate most about growing up is, how the perception of everything falling into place doesn't apply. Waiting for things to happen is just not in the books anymore. A lot of things needed chasing, be it dream, job, time with family and friends. Everything needed a little bit more of extra effort. I didn't realize I was putting effort when I was younger as things come and fall into place with time. Maybe it didn't feel as if I was putting effort into it because I have so much time and energy and positivity in facing the world.

It is not like that these days isn't it?

Like it or not, as we grow up, we grow to be different as well. Better, I hope. But still different than the person we used to be. And as the years passes, our friends becomes less and less. Like I said, with so many commitments in adulthood, it becomes difficult to maintain the same level of friendship as say, in college. This time it takes some effort to keep in touch in between busy days, scheduling for meet ups, or even to say hi.

As for effort-wise, I think it goes both ways. I could be throwing in efforts all I want, but if the other party just would not try to do the same, or think that friendship doesn't require nurturing, then it's a little bit too optimistic on his / her part. Because at the end of the day, how could you expect one person to be there for you at the end of it all when you haven't been there all along to begin with?

Same goes with a lot of things in life. Putting in a little effort goes a long way. If you need something to happen, try to make it happen. TRY. And if you fail, well, at least you've tried, right?

That's it. The next time I complain about things not going my way, it's probably a good idea to think back whether I've put in any effort in it in the first place. ☺

Sunday, August 20, 2017

The bean

I came back from one of the ultra-long flights yesterday and thought of this, "Oh how I've aged so much just from that 14 hours in the metal tube". And there it was. The reality of a very demanding job, staring back at me in the mirror. Accompanied by the tiredness that seems like it won't go away no matter how much I rested.  

Just to give some insight on what I do on a 14 hour flight:

It might sound simple, like how much time will I need to prepare before a flight? Well, A WHOLE lot time. I would start off by getting a good sleep, at least 7 hours to be precise. Then, I'll wake up to get ready for work, which is normally four hours prior to any flight departure. Say if the flight departs at 10 am, I'll wake up at 6 am.. You get the drift. And then I'll go through that 14 hour flight, in which I'll have a break of 3-4 hours depending on the service flow, land, and by the time I reach my hotel, I would've been awake for 20 hours or more! That is, if we don't get any delays on ground, any diversion, and God knows whatever thing that could go wrong on a flight. See, that's why it's important to be well-rested before the flight. But even with proper planning of sleeping time and conditions, one can't escape those days where you JUST.CAN'T.SLEEP. 

When you thought that everything ends after you land, you still sometimes struggle to sleep because of the time difference. JETLAG is real! 

Don't get me wrong, I still very much enjoy what I do for a living, but it is a very draining job. It requires a lot out of you, to still be you at the end of it all. I find myself being a zombie half the time. Hehehe. ☺

On the bright side, I crossed Chicago off the list, this time around! 

 Just you and me, beanie. 

I'd love to spend more of my summer days by the water. So nice!

I am really getting paid to travel, heh? I guess the jetlag and fatigue will just have to come with it as a package. 

lil miss whiny

Monday, August 14, 2017

As you think, so shall you become

I relate to this expression very much. Especially now, when I'm sitting here in the living room wondering again, how did life pass me by? It is a month before my 26th birthday, and I very much am the same girl at the age 18 wondering where life would take me. The thing about the expression is, it ponders about what you spend time thinking.. What are your thoughts? What do you spend most of your energy on every day? What goes on in your mind?

Some people wake up every day thinking of making themselves better. Thinking of achieving something, anything. Thinking of making more money or making the world a better place. The more they think about it, the more ways will seem possible, the more paths will suddenly become clear. I, on the other hand, gave so much power, so much capacity of my mind on a person that it is no wonder at the end of the day, I actually believed that my happiness depends on my being with this person alone.

I decided that I am indeed on an obsessed level, when every kid I find adorable I will relate to this person. In my head I would always picture how he would be a great dad, and how perfect our little family will be, and how I really want a mini me with both my features and his. Yeah, I know right? So it is bad enough to occupy my every waking moment on thoughts of him, and to picture something impossible? That takes it to a whole new level.

Admitting this means that I am trying to do something about it. I am trying to consciously choose what goes on in my mind. To redirect my energy on something, anything, that involves me and me alone. There are a lot of things that I want in life, and I know for a fact that I've never wanted an ordinary life to begin with. Sure, society dictates that I should be worried about getting married and having someone to settle down with, and having kids blah blah blah but am I even ready for that?

I'm beginning to think that the reason I long for it so much is because it's easy. Having someone to go through life with you come what may, sounds easy. It takes away your fear of uncertainty a little bit. It makes getting older and losing people you love over the years sounds bearable because you have someone to lean on, and this person will become your family and you will have a family of your own for you to pour all your love to. It sounds ideal. It sounds like a perfect little fairytale. Typical.

What I needed to realize is that nothing comes easy. It takes a lot of work on my part to take my life in the right direction. I need to take charge and be responsible for my own life and how I decide to live it. Most importantly, I need to take charge of what I spend my thoughts on.

Because as I think, so shall I become.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

In the blink of an eye

I remembered a few years ago, being excited at the arrival of my first niece. I have two of them now. So much of life has changed since then. All for the better, I guess. Raya this year was spent with family as well, I could not asked for more. Working here in Dubai, though quite far, has taught me to value family moments more. We don't realize this sometimes, but as much as we are getting older, year by year, our parents are aging too. It's a scary thought, really. I only hope that I've been a good daughter all these while.

On another note, my nieces though..

Rania recognizes me now, which is such a relieve! She's also old enough to Skype, so I can see her more...

This little munchkin however, is the total opposite to her sister. Such a heart-stealer, with her antics and charm. She. Just. Cannot. Stay. Still. 

I love them both the same, and always look forward to  spending time with them. Please don't grow up so fast! 

I wanna go back now....☹

Friday, July 07, 2017


When we're struck down and think that we've hit rock bottom, we always do this. We marinate and keep ourselves in the pits of hell and welcome the feeling of pain and misery even as we start our day. It feels right to feel sad and miserable, because in truth, we are in pain, and we want the rest of the world to feel it too. We want to be understood. We want to feel included. Sort of.

But that's the thing. The world doesn't run that way. Misery doesn't have company. You are in this on your own. And as much as you think your problem is the biggest or you are the saddest person in the room, there will be others whom have far bigger crisis and whom are less fortunate than you are.

Your problems will become minute, and insignificant if you could just take a moment and shift your attention to others. If there is one good thing in your life that you are thankful for, hold on to that. Keep that thought in mind. You will need it for one of those days. When your subconscious tries to pull you down again to that pit, instead of rolling around in it, try to brush it off. Focus on other things. More, important things. 

There's so much more to life than just relationships and being together with someone. As it was long before you were a WE, you've always just been a I. It's time to get to know yourself again, improve yourself and fall in love with you being you all over again. It is a process. It's not gonna be easy, but you will have to start somewhere. 

Leaving your comfort zone, and starting over is always a dread. We all know that. But, that is how you move forward. That is how you will learn how to stand up on your own two feet again. There will always be someone who will be there for you, even on your darkest days. All you need to do is ask. Ask for help. Ask for a listening ear. Perhaps a hug or a shoulder to cry on. You are never alone, remember that.

So, embrace the change. Shift your focus. You can do this. 

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Take me back

As I look back to the happiest moments in my life, I thought of those moments spent with you. It hurts so much to think of the three years I spent being with my best friend, coming to an end. I wish for so many things to be different in our life, so that you and I can still be together. Sadly, we can't change who we are, nor we can change the system and how things work. The world is like this, and so therefore there is no place for you and I.

It breaks me so much that I sometimes wish I knew better. I wish we knew better. I don't regret a single moment of the three years where I'm happiest, though I can't help but regret the moments that follow from now. I hope one day you and I will be happier, I hope time will heal this giant void I feel in my heart as I sit here helpless seeing how our story ends. I wish that it was because love has fade away, or we just grew to be two different people than we once were. I wish desperately that it wasn't because of this.

I want to go back. I want to go back to when we were young and free of the worries of the world. When starting a family feels like a million years away. Time doesn't seem to agree with me. It always moves, regardless of how much I just wanna stay in the moment. We are, in the end just growing older and older not being able to start a family like everyone else.

I want to believe there is a silver lining to all of this. I want to convince myself that everything will be okay. But my eyes are blurry from tears, and the crack of my heart echoes loudly how much I love you. And then I collapse again, not being able to breathe, just sobbing myself to sleep.

I'm fine with being alone, but the thought of no longer having you in my life is something I could not bear. I've relied on you so much as you have on me over the years that it feels like a huge part of me will be gone as I part with you. I tried being strong because I know it's no easy decision for both of us, and I feel that's the least I could do for you. I know we have tried, and failed, and that is okay.

For the first time in my life, I learned that the best thing I can do for you my love, is to let you go. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it kills me inside, it's time for me to let you go.

As I cannot give you something firm to hold on, I'm only left with the certainty of this.
I will love you for a very long time, sayang...

Monday, May 22, 2017


It is true when they say..

"Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake."

And some small eraser, is what's left of it.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Picture perfect

As I grow older, I realize how precious memories are. You know those moments in life, where  you wish that time will stop, and you could stay in that moment forever? It's those rare moments that you remember, and when you look back in life to when you're happiest, it is in those moments you fall back into, and find refuge from whatever storm life seems to whip up. 

March had been all of that and more. 

I finally got around to planning and going for my first ever skiing trip! The time I spent in Morzine, France was just too wonderful. I've never liked a town so much to the point that I want to actually stay there. Waking up to a lazy breakfast and followed by a full day of skiing, was so much fun. All the laughter from clumsy falls, funny things said in French, just about everything was very welcomed as a change of scenery off work. 

This part I hate though. Ski lifts!

Proper way to relax. Hahaha.

And this guy, cracks me up every single time. Our ski instructor, Giuseppe.

Then Santorini happened. 

So different to the comfort I had in Morzine, the first day in Santorini was pretty rough for me. Maybe because I went during off-season, so everything was closed and under maintenance for the next opening season. Still, things picked up and ended on a high note when I got to Fira the next day. One of the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen! To sit with my favorite person, and just live in that moment was so overwhelming for me it literally brought me to tears. ^_^ 

Best view everrr


Coming back to work after my trip was hard, but I was glad that my parents finally came for a visit in Dubai. 

That topped my March experience.

Nothing says love than spending day and night, glued to my parents in the city I now call home.

My photography skill is highly questionable. Hehehe

<3 p="">
I wanna go on more adventures, make more memories, laugh more, love more and remember all of it when I'm old and grey. 

And at the end of the day, no matter how perfect a picture is captured, only I will remember how it feels like being in that moment. 

Gosh, take me back to March.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I have issues

"But I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I can leave you just as fast

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

We go way back

Since I'm a very nostalgic person to begin with, I feel like I must write a post on a day like this. The day I met this guy three years ago. Well, you know which guy. The guy I can't seem to shake away for three years. Okay I'm kidding. No, really.

A lot has changed between us since then. So much to the point that the things I used to think matter so much feel very insignificant now. But one thing remains the same. Just the way he makes me feel, and how happy I am whenever I'm with him. It amazes me still, how one person can change your outlook on life forever. That is why I hold him dear.

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us, so I'm just gonna continue being happy with what we are now. I guess at one point we got tired of going around in circles of what people think, what we should do, where are we heading to the point that it makes me so unhappy.

So then he said, let's focus on bettering ourselves.

Which makes so much sense. Who cares about who I end up with, I need to live with myself for the rest of my life.

I need to go where I'm meant to go, achieve what I want to achieve, and be a better person at the end of it all.

Deal? Okay deal.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

It's a good start

Hello lovelies, how is it going? Following up on your resolutions well? I hope you are, because I am struggling myself. I keep making excuses blaming winter here in Dubai for my unexplained laziness, but come to think of it I was doing well mighty fine last year in winter. I guess, we all have to just suck it in and just 'go do it' instead of planning so much and ended up doing nothing. Which I will do, tomorrow, hopefully... (-,-)"

But other than my skipping gym dilemma, everything else seems to be going fine. I can say that it's a great start to the new year, seeing as I finally went on my very first concert! And to see Coldplay play live was just the icing on the cake. I was so happy I get to tell Chris Martin I love him. Uhhuh, I did, with no shame. Hehehe.

Can you hear me screaming in the background? 

I love how my hair seems to be behaving in this picture. Right before the concert starts. And then, oh well..

Second best thing happened around middle of the month, when I visited Paris for the third time, this time with my better half? Hahaha. Being a romantic since forever, I've always wanted to come to Paris once, being in love, whatever. So, I'm very glad to finally be able to experience the city of love through a lover's eyes..

I still think Eiffel is the best part of Paris. No matter how many times I've been here before, it always seem to fascinate me, this simple metal structure. I say this every time I see Eiffel still, "Eiffel, I think I'm in love!"

I'm excited to go to more places this year, plan a different kind of vacation, and most of all just to have my parents come visit me here in Dubai. :)

Hence, this is to more than a good start, and also working for the continuous flow of good things this year!