Tuesday, September 05, 2017

Are you ready for it?

The birthday month is here! Hahaha I'm always excited when September comes around. Yes, coz EVERYDAY in September is my birthday. I'm blessed with this job, so this year another birthday trip awaits! I'm especially excited for it because it's a destination I've always wanted to explore, and to finally be able to go is a dream come true.

Someone asked me, why do you always obsess yourself with birthdays?

Well, to be honest, I don't actually know since when I've been obsessing about birthdays. But the gist of it all is, isn't it a good thing to celebrate yourself living, and reminiscing your rise and falls throughout the years? If you are unhappy this year, make the change so that by the time you look back next year, there's something to be happy about. Besides, who else but you, can genuinely celebrate yourself?

There's beauty in birthdays in a sense that it gives me that reminder to never stop loving myself. And a lot can come from that. Self loving goes a long way for a better, happier you!

LOL.

Anyways...Five more days to the trip, I could hardly wait.

xx

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

There's someplace I'd rather be

Home.

It's very frustrating for me to not be able to swap my flight to go home, especially to be missing my family trip and the upcoming Eid. I saw photos and I'm like green all the way with envy, because I wanted to be there too! I wanna play sandcastles with my nieces by the beach, and take cute photos for them at the 3D museum, and and and take them on a cable car ride. Oh, how nice.

Instead here I am sitting at home contemplating on where to spend my family time next. That will be all the way in December! It feels so far away.. Three more months of me missing my little angels. 





Looks like they're having fun without me.. sobs.



And since when my little babies become such posers anyway? 

See you not so very soon my loves. 
T_T

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Put in a little effort

The thing I hate most about growing up is, how the perception of everything falling into place doesn't apply. Waiting for things to happen is just not in the books anymore. A lot of things needed chasing, be it dream, job, time with family and friends. Everything needed a little bit more of extra effort. I didn't realize I was putting effort when I was younger as things come and fall into place with time. Maybe it didn't feel as if I was putting effort into it because I have so much time and energy and positivity in facing the world.

It is not like that these days isn't it?

Like it or not, as we grow up, we grow to be different as well. Better, I hope. But still different than the person we used to be. And as the years passes, our friends becomes less and less. Like I said, with so many commitments in adulthood, it becomes difficult to maintain the same level of friendship as say, in college. This time it takes some effort to keep in touch in between busy days, scheduling for meet ups, or even to say hi.

As for effort-wise, I think it goes both ways. I could be throwing in efforts all I want, but if the other party just would not try to do the same, or think that friendship doesn't require nurturing, then it's a little bit too optimistic on his / her part. Because at the end of the day, how could you expect one person to be there for you at the end of it all when you haven't been there all along to begin with?

Same goes with a lot of things in life. Putting in a little effort goes a long way. If you need something to happen, try to make it happen. TRY. And if you fail, well, at least you've tried, right?

That's it. The next time I complain about things not going my way, it's probably a good idea to think back whether I've put in any effort in it in the first place. ☺

Sunday, August 20, 2017

The bean

I came back from one of the ultra-long flights yesterday and thought of this, "Oh how I've aged so much just from that 14 hours in the metal tube". And there it was. The reality of a very demanding job, staring back at me in the mirror. Accompanied by the tiredness that seems like it won't go away no matter how much I rested.  

Just to give some insight on what I do on a 14 hour flight:

It might sound simple, like how much time will I need to prepare before a flight? Well, A WHOLE lot time. I would start off by getting a good sleep, at least 7 hours to be precise. Then, I'll wake up to get ready for work, which is normally four hours prior to any flight departure. Say if the flight departs at 10 am, I'll wake up at 6 am.. You get the drift. And then I'll go through that 14 hour flight, in which I'll have a break of 3-4 hours depending on the service flow, land, and by the time I reach my hotel, I would've been awake for 20 hours or more! That is, if we don't get any delays on ground, any diversion, and God knows whatever thing that could go wrong on a flight. See, that's why it's important to be well-rested before the flight. But even with proper planning of sleeping time and conditions, one can't escape those days where you JUST.CAN'T.SLEEP. 

When you thought that everything ends after you land, you still sometimes struggle to sleep because of the time difference. JETLAG is real! 

Don't get me wrong, I still very much enjoy what I do for a living, but it is a very draining job. It requires a lot out of you, to still be you at the end of it all. I find myself being a zombie half the time. Hehehe. ☺

On the bright side, I crossed Chicago off the list, this time around! 


 Just you and me, beanie. 

I'd love to spend more of my summer days by the water. So nice!

I am really getting paid to travel, heh? I guess the jetlag and fatigue will just have to come with it as a package. 

Love,
lil miss whiny

Monday, August 14, 2017

As you think, so shall you become

I relate to this expression very much. Especially now, when I'm sitting here in the living room wondering again, how did life pass me by? It is a month before my 26th birthday, and I very much am the same girl at the age 18 wondering where life would take me. The thing about the expression is, it ponders about what you spend time thinking.. What are your thoughts? What do you spend most of your energy on every day? What goes on in your mind?

Some people wake up every day thinking of making themselves better. Thinking of achieving something, anything. Thinking of making more money or making the world a better place. The more they think about it, the more ways will seem possible, the more paths will suddenly become clear. I, on the other hand, gave so much power, so much capacity of my mind on a person that it is no wonder at the end of the day, I actually believed that my happiness depends on my being with this person alone.

I decided that I am indeed on an obsessed level, when every kid I find adorable I will relate to this person. In my head I would always picture how he would be a great dad, and how perfect our little family will be, and how I really want a mini me with both my features and his. Yeah, I know right? So it is bad enough to occupy my every waking moment on thoughts of him, and to picture something impossible? That takes it to a whole new level.

Admitting this means that I am trying to do something about it. I am trying to consciously choose what goes on in my mind. To redirect my energy on something, anything, that involves me and me alone. There are a lot of things that I want in life, and I know for a fact that I've never wanted an ordinary life to begin with. Sure, society dictates that I should be worried about getting married and having someone to settle down with, and having kids blah blah blah but am I even ready for that?

I'm beginning to think that the reason I long for it so much is because it's easy. Having someone to go through life with you come what may, sounds easy. It takes away your fear of uncertainty a little bit. It makes getting older and losing people you love over the years sounds bearable because you have someone to lean on, and this person will become your family and you will have a family of your own for you to pour all your love to. It sounds ideal. It sounds like a perfect little fairytale. Typical.

What I needed to realize is that nothing comes easy. It takes a lot of work on my part to take my life in the right direction. I need to take charge and be responsible for my own life and how I decide to live it. Most importantly, I need to take charge of what I spend my thoughts on.

Because as I think, so shall I become.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

In the blink of an eye

I remembered a few years ago, being excited at the arrival of my first niece. I have two of them now. So much of life has changed since then. All for the better, I guess. Raya this year was spent with family as well, I could not asked for more. Working here in Dubai, though quite far, has taught me to value family moments more. We don't realize this sometimes, but as much as we are getting older, year by year, our parents are aging too. It's a scary thought, really. I only hope that I've been a good daughter all these while.

On another note, my nieces though..

Rania recognizes me now, which is such a relieve! She's also old enough to Skype, so I can see her more...

This little munchkin however, is the total opposite to her sister. Such a heart-stealer, with her antics and charm. She. Just. Cannot. Stay. Still. 

I love them both the same, and always look forward to  spending time with them. Please don't grow up so fast! 

I wanna go back now....☹

Friday, July 07, 2017

Focus

When we're struck down and think that we've hit rock bottom, we always do this. We marinate and keep ourselves in the pits of hell and welcome the feeling of pain and misery even as we start our day. It feels right to feel sad and miserable, because in truth, we are in pain, and we want the rest of the world to feel it too. We want to be understood. We want to feel included. Sort of.

But that's the thing. The world doesn't run that way. Misery doesn't have company. You are in this on your own. And as much as you think your problem is the biggest or you are the saddest person in the room, there will be others whom have far bigger crisis and whom are less fortunate than you are.

Your problems will become minute, and insignificant if you could just take a moment and shift your attention to others. If there is one good thing in your life that you are thankful for, hold on to that. Keep that thought in mind. You will need it for one of those days. When your subconscious tries to pull you down again to that pit, instead of rolling around in it, try to brush it off. Focus on other things. More, important things. 

There's so much more to life than just relationships and being together with someone. As it was long before you were a WE, you've always just been a I. It's time to get to know yourself again, improve yourself and fall in love with you being you all over again. It is a process. It's not gonna be easy, but you will have to start somewhere. 

Leaving your comfort zone, and starting over is always a dread. We all know that. But, that is how you move forward. That is how you will learn how to stand up on your own two feet again. There will always be someone who will be there for you, even on your darkest days. All you need to do is ask. Ask for help. Ask for a listening ear. Perhaps a hug or a shoulder to cry on. You are never alone, remember that.

So, embrace the change. Shift your focus. You can do this. 

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Take me back

As I look back to the happiest moments in my life, I thought of those moments spent with you. It hurts so much to think of the three years I spent being with my best friend, coming to an end. I wish for so many things to be different in our life, so that you and I can still be together. Sadly, we can't change who we are, nor we can change the system and how things work. The world is like this, and so therefore there is no place for you and I.

It breaks me so much that I sometimes wish I knew better. I wish we knew better. I don't regret a single moment of the three years where I'm happiest, though I can't help but regret the moments that follow from now. I hope one day you and I will be happier, I hope time will heal this giant void I feel in my heart as I sit here helpless seeing how our story ends. I wish that it was because love has fade away, or we just grew to be two different people than we once were. I wish desperately that it wasn't because of this.

I want to go back. I want to go back to when we were young and free of the worries of the world. When starting a family feels like a million years away. Time doesn't seem to agree with me. It always moves, regardless of how much I just wanna stay in the moment. We are, in the end just growing older and older not being able to start a family like everyone else.

I want to believe there is a silver lining to all of this. I want to convince myself that everything will be okay. But my eyes are blurry from tears, and the crack of my heart echoes loudly how much I love you. And then I collapse again, not being able to breathe, just sobbing myself to sleep.

I'm fine with being alone, but the thought of no longer having you in my life is something I could not bear. I've relied on you so much as you have on me over the years that it feels like a huge part of me will be gone as I part with you. I tried being strong because I know it's no easy decision for both of us, and I feel that's the least I could do for you. I know we have tried, and failed, and that is okay.

For the first time in my life, I learned that the best thing I can do for you my love, is to let you go. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it kills me inside, it's time for me to let you go.

As I cannot give you something firm to hold on, I'm only left with the certainty of this.
I will love you for a very long time, sayang...

Monday, May 22, 2017

Trust

It is true when they say..

"Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake."

And some small eraser, is what's left of it.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Picture perfect

As I grow older, I realize how precious memories are. You know those moments in life, where  you wish that time will stop, and you could stay in that moment forever? It's those rare moments that you remember, and when you look back in life to when you're happiest, it is in those moments you fall back into, and find refuge from whatever storm life seems to whip up. 

March had been all of that and more. 

I finally got around to planning and going for my first ever skiing trip! The time I spent in Morzine, France was just too wonderful. I've never liked a town so much to the point that I want to actually stay there. Waking up to a lazy breakfast and followed by a full day of skiing, was so much fun. All the laughter from clumsy falls, funny things said in French, just about everything was very welcomed as a change of scenery off work. 

This part I hate though. Ski lifts!


Proper way to relax. Hahaha.

And this guy, cracks me up every single time. Our ski instructor, Giuseppe.

Then Santorini happened. 

So different to the comfort I had in Morzine, the first day in Santorini was pretty rough for me. Maybe because I went during off-season, so everything was closed and under maintenance for the next opening season. Still, things picked up and ended on a high note when I got to Fira the next day. One of the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen! To sit with my favorite person, and just live in that moment was so overwhelming for me it literally brought me to tears. ^_^ 


Best view everrr

;)


Coming back to work after my trip was hard, but I was glad that my parents finally came for a visit in Dubai. 

That topped my March experience.

Nothing says love than spending day and night, glued to my parents in the city I now call home.

My photography skill is highly questionable. Hehehe

<3 p="">
I wanna go on more adventures, make more memories, laugh more, love more and remember all of it when I'm old and grey. 

And at the end of the day, no matter how perfect a picture is captured, only I will remember how it feels like being in that moment. 

Gosh, take me back to March.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I have issues



"But I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I can leave you just as fast

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

We go way back

Since I'm a very nostalgic person to begin with, I feel like I must write a post on a day like this. The day I met this guy three years ago. Well, you know which guy. The guy I can't seem to shake away for three years. Okay I'm kidding. No, really.

A lot has changed between us since then. So much to the point that the things I used to think matter so much feel very insignificant now. But one thing remains the same. Just the way he makes me feel, and how happy I am whenever I'm with him. It amazes me still, how one person can change your outlook on life forever. That is why I hold him dear.

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us, so I'm just gonna continue being happy with what we are now. I guess at one point we got tired of going around in circles of what people think, what we should do, where are we heading to the point that it makes me so unhappy.

So then he said, let's focus on bettering ourselves.

Which makes so much sense. Who cares about who I end up with, I need to live with myself for the rest of my life.

I need to go where I'm meant to go, achieve what I want to achieve, and be a better person at the end of it all.

Deal? Okay deal.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

It's a good start

Hello lovelies, how is it going? Following up on your resolutions well? I hope you are, because I am struggling myself. I keep making excuses blaming winter here in Dubai for my unexplained laziness, but come to think of it I was doing well mighty fine last year in winter. I guess, we all have to just suck it in and just 'go do it' instead of planning so much and ended up doing nothing. Which I will do, tomorrow, hopefully... (-,-)"

But other than my skipping gym dilemma, everything else seems to be going fine. I can say that it's a great start to the new year, seeing as I finally went on my very first concert! And to see Coldplay play live was just the icing on the cake. I was so happy I get to tell Chris Martin I love him. Uhhuh, I did, with no shame. Hehehe.

video

Can you hear me screaming in the background? 


I love how my hair seems to be behaving in this picture. Right before the concert starts. And then, oh well..

Second best thing happened around middle of the month, when I visited Paris for the third time, this time with my better half? Hahaha. Being a romantic since forever, I've always wanted to come to Paris once, being in love, whatever. So, I'm very glad to finally be able to experience the city of love through a lover's eyes..


I still think Eiffel is the best part of Paris. No matter how many times I've been here before, it always seem to fascinate me, this simple metal structure. I say this every time I see Eiffel still, "Eiffel, I think I'm in love!"

I'm excited to go to more places this year, plan a different kind of vacation, and most of all just to have my parents come visit me here in Dubai. :)

Hence, this is to more than a good start, and also working for the continuous flow of good things this year!